Read Part 1 here.
#6. Don’t automatically assume the role that others expect of you.
In most cases, expectations of male and female roles are passed on from generation to generation without a second thought. You might already be experiencing feedback from parents, neighbors, relatives, partners, even friends on what is expected of you. Maybe they were taught that girls can’t be good at math or physics, nor should study to become engineers or chemists. Or maybe they’re convinced that it’s shameful for a guy to cook a great dinner by himself or study the history of art. Instead of falling into the trap of mimicking a fixed mindset, work on developing a growth mindset. Nurture your skills and strengths, and build on them consistently so that you can master them over time. As Carol Dweck shows in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, there’s so much you can do to change your attitude and accomplish whatever you believe is important in your life.
#7. Understand the difference between liking yourself and wanting to be liked by others.
What’s the harm in wanting to be liked? Everyone feels a need to be part of a group or to belong somewhere, and being liked makes it that much easier to belong to a group of people. But constantly wanting to be liked by others is a double-edged sword. Being popular in school, for example, may sound cool to you right now—just like having thousands of Instagram followers as you’re sharing pictures and videos of your daily life. The downside is this: it can take you on a path where you become dependent on the admiration and attention of others. Did you consider what happens if that attention goes away, or when you get criticized? That’s why your top priority is to like yourself first, because that’s where your inner strength lies. Build an awareness of your core skills and strengths, know what is the value that you add to the lives of people close to you, and you’ll feel much stronger for it.
#8. Work on creating your own boundaries.
It may sounds like a negative idea at first, but understanding the concept and importance of boundaries can actually work for you as you go through life. Having boundaries in place is critical in any number of situations where people are being pushy or disrespectful of your time and space. For example, if a friend insists on hanging out but you want time to yourself, you can set boundaries by making yourself unavailable or just saying that you have other plans. If you don’t like someone taking up your time, set boundaries by telling them you’re busy and don’t have an hour to devote to them. And if someone asks you to finish up a task that is their responsibility, set boundaries by saying no firmly and tell them it’s their job and not yours. It may not feel comfortable at first, but treat it as a muscle you are building until it starts to feel more natural. Think of it this way: if you need to get your life to a better place and accomplish the goals you set for yourself, you can’t afford to spread yourself too thin. You will need both time and space to create the future you want.
#9. Build up a thick skin.
It may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but developing a thick-skin definitely helps us to deal with the negativity that we will inevitably face at many points in our life. This especially applies to criticism which can come from where you least expect it—people closest to you, including family and friends. It can also apply to negative feedback you’ll most certainly receive at work or school, because nobody is exempted from it. So what does developing a thick skin entail? It doesn’t mean removing all emotions and being nonchalant about whatever people say. It’s more about learning to expect criticism, instead of taking it personally and as an attack on you by someone who wishes you harm. If you learn to expect criticism, it won’t faze you much when you actually do receive it. How can you do this? Pay close attention to how the message is delivered. Constructive criticism is when someone suggests that you do something in a different way, which means it can work to your advantage. Conversely, if someone is “negging” you—making a negative comment disguised as a compliment—see it as destructive behavior and let the person know that you won’t put up with it.
#10. Build a strong sense of self-respect.
Sounds like such an obvious thing, but it’s not as common as it should be. And this is not gender-specific, of course—whether you’re male or female, it’s important to respect yourself. What does respecting yourself mean? It can mean you should respect your time because it’s a precious commodity and you need to value it. It can mean you should respect all of your efforts that you put into school, work, and building your relationships. It can mean respecting the knowledge you have acquired over time because it shows an investment you made in yourself, or respecting your values because they build the core of who you are, or respecting the goals that you believe are important in your self-development. In a nutshell—don’t take your self for granted. Value who you are, what you’ve accomplished, and who you are becoming. Always remind yourself of how long it took to get here, and be proud of your achievements, both large and small, as you’re working towards becoming that best version of yourself.