What are the five most important things for a woman to learn in life? (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here.

#6. Don’t automatically assume the role that others expect of you.

In most cases, expectations of male and female roles are passed on from generation to generation without a second thought. You might already be experiencing feedback from parents, neighbors, relatives, partners, even friends on what is expected of you. Maybe they were taught that girls can’t be good at math or physics, nor should study to become engineers or chemists. Or maybe they’re convinced that it’s shameful for a guy to cook a great dinner by himself or study the history of art. Instead of falling into the trap of mimicking a fixed mindset, work on developing a growth mindset. Nurture your skills and strengths, and build on them consistently so that you can master them over time. As Carol Dweck shows in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, there’s so much you can do to change your attitude and accomplish whatever you believe is important in your life.

#7. Understand the difference between liking yourself and wanting to be liked by others.

What’s the harm in wanting to be liked? Everyone feels a need to be part of a group or to belong somewhere, and being liked makes it that much easier to belong to a group of people. But constantly wanting to be liked by others is a double-edged sword. Being popular in school, for example, may sound cool to you right now—just like having thousands of Instagram followers as you’re sharing pictures and videos of your daily life. The downside is this: it can take you on a path where you become dependent on the admiration and attention of others. Did you consider what happens if that attention goes away, or when you get criticized? That’s why your top priority is to like yourself first, because that’s where your inner strength lies. Build an awareness of your core skills and strengths, know what is the value that you add to the lives of people close to you, and you’ll feel much stronger for it.

#8. Work on creating your own boundaries.

It may sounds like a negative idea at first, but understanding the concept and importance of boundaries can actually work for you as you go through life. Having boundaries in place is critical in any number of situations where people are being pushy or disrespectful of your time and space. For example, if a friend insists on hanging out but you want time to yourself, you can set boundaries by making yourself unavailable or just saying that you have other plans. If you don’t like someone taking up your time, set boundaries by telling them you’re busy and don’t have an hour to devote to them. And if someone asks you to finish up a task that is their responsibility, set boundaries by saying no firmly and tell them it’s their job and not yours. It may not feel comfortable at first, but treat it as a muscle you are building until it starts to feel more natural. Think of it this way: if you need to get your life to a better place and accomplish the goals you set for yourself, you can’t afford to spread yourself too thin. You will need both time and space to create the future you want.

#9. Build up a thick skin.

It may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but developing a thick-skin definitely helps us to deal with the negativity that we will inevitably face at many points in our life. This especially applies to criticism which can come from where you least expect it—people closest to you, including family and friends. It can also apply to negative feedback you’ll most certainly receive at work or school, because nobody is exempted from it. So what does developing a thick skin entail? It doesn’t mean removing all emotions and being nonchalant about whatever people say. It’s more about learning to expect criticism, instead of taking it personally and as an attack on you by someone who wishes you harm. If you learn to expect criticism, it won’t faze you much when you actually do receive it. How can you do this? Pay close attention to how the message is delivered. Constructive criticism is when someone suggests that you do something in a different way, which means it can work to your advantage. Conversely, if someone is “negging” you—making a negative comment disguised as a compliment—see it as destructive behavior and let the person know that you won’t put up with it.

#10. Build a strong sense of self-respect.

Sounds like such an obvious thing, but it’s not as common as it should be. And this is not gender-specific, of course—whether you’re male or female, it’s important to respect yourself. What does respecting yourself mean? It can mean you should respect your time because it’s a precious commodity and you need to value it. It can mean you should respect all of your efforts that you put into school, work, and building your relationships. It can mean respecting the knowledge you have acquired over time because it shows an investment you made in yourself, or respecting your values because they build the core of who you are, or respecting the goals that you believe are important in your self-development. In a nutshell—don’t take your self for granted. Value who you are, what you’ve accomplished, and who you are becoming. Always remind yourself of how long it took to get here, and be proud of your achievements, both large and small, as you’re working towards becoming that best version of yourself.

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What are some awesome tips for developing better self-discipline?

 
Tip #1. Today, make a decision that you are going to own your day.

Let’s be clear on this—making a decision isn’t about mumbling a few words to yourself. It’s not abstract and it’s not vague. In fact, it’s more about training your brain to get focused on what it needs to do as soon as you wake up. Here’s how I practice it. I start my day with this question: “What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?” This technique gets my brain to start evaluating the goals that are important to me right now and forces me to prioritize one goal that needs attention immediately. In addition, with this technique I give myself the time to think about what’s important in my life, instead of letting other people or situations dictate what I should or shouldn’t be doing.

How can you do this?

Put it in writing. Write it in big bold letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action: focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.

Tip #2. Work on maximizing your willpower instead of underestimating it.

When we wake up to begin our day, it’s common for most of us to feel a sense of overwhelm because there are so many things we need to do, from small routine tasks to working on large projects towards bigger goals, both professional and personal. As a result, our first response might be to delay doing anything (because it’s hard to decide what to do and in what order), which translates into a bad habit of procrastinating. That’s a self-imposed obstacle. Why? Because we all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day. And that willpower gets weaker and weaker as the day progresses. So if you think you’ll start writing that essay after dinner, think again. Chances are you’ll put if off some more and turn to your TV instead.

How can you fix this?

Practicing self-discipline means that if you want to focus on priorities, you should work on them early. As early in the day as possible—in fact, start right after breakfast. Do that task that you’ve been putting off all week before lunchtime. Write up a plan for the school or work week ahead of time. Finish up doing homework or reviewing your exam questions that you’ve been procrastinating on for days because you’d rather do something more fun. The benefit? You gain a sense of accomplishment early that will make you feel better about the whole day.

Tip #3. Commit to building a positive habit by keeping it simple.

OK, so you’ve figured out that there’s something in your life you’d like to change because you don’t like what you’re currently doing (or not doing). It can be a fitness goal you’d like to reach (start running in the mornings like you used to in college), a health benefit (stop eating dinner in restaurants three times a week), or better manage your time (get more sleep instead of watching shows on Netflix until 2 a.m.). All those new habits you want to acquire will need self-discipline, time, and repetition. If this sounds unappealing, it’s because you make it sound that way: you feel like you “should” be doing something difficult when you’d rather be relaxing.

How can you fix this?

First, stop telling yourself that in order to achieve something good for yourself you need to punish yourself. That’s the wrong attitude to have for anything in your life. If you keep at it, you’ll give up on everything that’s potentially good and even life-changing. Instead, make every change a choice that you make in order to become a better version of yourself. And next, make the change as easy as possible by starting with tiny steps. Instead of saying you have to hit the gym for two hours each evening after work, do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes each day to give your body time to adjust. Or, start going to bed 15 minutes earlier and read a good book or listen to relaxing music to help you fall asleep faster.

Tip #4. Learn to reign in the millions of random thoughts that run through your mind.

When I was in my teens, I noticed there were thousands of thoughts bouncing around in my mind. The more I read, absorbed new information in school, talked to my friends, interacted with family members, and observed the world as a young adult, the more confusing everything seemed. I started to awfulize about so many things. What’s worse is that I thought it’s just me! Nobody surely thought this way. And then as I grew up I realized that it’s not just me, it’s all of us. The older we get, the more cognitive input we have, and we often struggle to categorize this input. What’s relevant to our life and what isn’t? Which problem do I need to solve? Is this something I can control or can I let it go?

How can you fix this?

First, be aware that if you feel overwhelmed with information about the world around you, if you have negative or self-critical thoughts, and if you find yourself ruminating on past events and personal failures, you are not alone. The good news is this: even though you may think it, you are not your thoughts. You are much bigger than your thoughts! And second, start considering a few new habits to reign in those thoughts and categorize them as relevant or just dramatic. You can start with a 10-minute meditation to calm your thoughts and even slow down the chaos. You can devote 30 minutes a day to spending time outdoors, in a park or by the beach, to tune out the busy noise around you. And you can work on adjusting the mindset you have about your own skills and abilities by getting a copy of Carol Dweck’s book Mindset.

Tip #5. Say no to all those distractions that take you off the path you’ve chosen for yourself.

If you think that all these gadgets and toys we have at our disposal today are to blame for getting distracted easily, think again. Even the Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote about this, and the topic is featured in his book On the Shortness of Life. Yes, distractions and pointless activities were very much a challenge for people in ancient Rome! For example, Seneca describes people’s struggles with gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and always trying to impress others. Does that sound familiar? Maybe today we don’t host lavish banquets where we impress guests with an endless feast of food and wine, but we do pay attention to what’s displayed on social media and we observe the images of surreal lifestyles on Facebook or Instagram. And that often leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, envy, and self-criticism.

How can you fix this?

First, if you do spend time on social media, make sure you take everything you see and hear with a grain of salt. Chances are those pictures and updates are not a real representation of everyday life, but rather a tactic someone is using to sell a product, service, or brand. And second, don’t waste your time on distractions if they don’t serve the purpose of adding value to your life. Set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus, especially in the first few hours of the day. Let people in your inner circle know you won’t be available in the next few hours until you get important tasks done. Check your email and social media apps in the afternoons and evening, instead of spending the first 30 minutes of your day focusing on them. The same applies to browsing the Internet and reading the daily news while you’re at work—close all tabs on your browser that may be tempting you to unfocus from your top priorities for that day.

One final thought:

Like with everything in life, in this case it all comes down to attitude. The attitude you have towards self-discipline will either help you or deter you from instilling it in your daily life. For me, it’s never been about what I “should” do or what other people tell me is good for me. It’s all about what it affords me. My approach is this: self-discipline = freedom. By practicing it daily, self-discipline trains my brain to prioritize the things I can control, allows me to let go of what I cannot, and gives me time to focus on what will get me to my ultimate goal: becoming a better version version of myself every single day.

What can I do in a 30-day period, on a daily basis, to start myself on the way to become the best version of myself?

You can develop a laser-sharp focus on who exactly is the best version of yourself. What are the goals of the ideal version of you? Which skills does the ideal you possess? And what does the big picture of that ideal life look like?

Chances are, like most of us, you’re probably so busy with your everyday life that you rarely have the time to contemplate any of this. So you put it off. Maybe next time when I’m on vacation I’ll think about it. When the semester is over. When I have more money. Just not now.

And before you know it, days rush into months, and months turn into years. And you still have no idea of who the best version of yourself could be. But what if you make a decision right now to use the next month of your life to find out more about the ideal you? When you do, the time that lies ahead of you will work in your favor, because every month and every year will get you closer to your ultimate goal.

Where to begin?

Here are 7 tips you can follow this month to get on the path to becoming the best version of yourself.

Tip #1. Develop a personal goal.

You should always have a specific goal that is driving you to succeed. When you do, everything you do in your daily life will have a greater sense of purpose. Take a day or two to write down the personal goal you are going to focus on for the month.

  • Make sure your goal is precisely formulated. For example, don’t just say that you want to get a job, be fit, have a large salary; instead, say you want to get a job offer for a [insert job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert specific skills you have as well as those you’re working towards].
  • To help you focus on your goal, start each day with the question: “What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today?” This question forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do on that particular day, so that you don’t feel overwhelmed with making too many choices and instead you are free to focus on what’s most important to you.

Tip #2. Create a strategy to achieve your goal.

Goals are important, but so is developing your strategy. While you are focusing on what you want to do right now, always keep your eye on at least two steps ahead. Once you’ve defined your goal, take one day to think about the strategy.

  • Consider different avenues and approaches you may need to take to get you closer to your goal. Maybe you’re used to doing things a certain way, so it’s a great idea to challenge yourself and try doing something differently.
  • Don’t focus on achieving short-term success you will feel today; instead, consider the benefits of your actions in the long run. For example, think of how the choices you make at school or work today will affect your lifestyle five years from now.
  • Don’t think only of who you are right now, at this stage of your life; instead, think of who you want to be in 5 or 10 years. By being strategic you will empower yourself to achieve long term results that your future self can benefit from.

Tip #3. Brainstorm a list of skills you need to succeed.

It’s impossible to be successful without a required skill set in your field of work, regardless of whether it’s studying for a degree, being a software developer, training for a marathon, or getting fit. Here’s what you can brainstorm after you’ve written down your goal and strategy:

  • Identify skills of thought leaders who have mastered something in their field of expertise. Do the research to find this out. For example, do you know what makes them unique? By identifying patterns in behaviors of others, it becomes easier to emulate them and develop successful traits in ourselves.
  • Identify which skills you want to work on.From the list of skills of thought leaders, consider the following: Are any of their skills necessary or helpful for you to succeed in doing your job? Which are the top 3 skills in your field of study or work are most in demand? Which skills do you need to get better at doing your job?

Tip #4. Work on each skill consistently for the rest of the month.

Nothing will get done automatically. You’ll need to map out what you need to do, starting with the early morning hours. Here are some ideas.

  • Use your mornings wisely to set the tone for the day: Develop a morning routine so that you can work on your skills earlier in the day, when your brain can focus better and your schedule doesn’t stand in the way.
  • Create a plan to develop your top 3 skills consistently each day. Block off time in each day, including weekends, to work towards your goal of acquiring the skills you’ve identified as most important to you.
  • Work with your schedule. If you have one hour to devote in the evenings, then block this hour off every day and don’t let others sidetrack you. Turn off all of your distractions. Sit in a quiet room, or if that’s not possible in your home, go to the local library. But if one hour is not realistic given your schedule right now, then set aside 15–30 minutes to work on one skill. The time will add up in a big way, and you will still be able to see results after 30 days.

Tip #5. Whenever you feel the urge to procrastinate, replace the words “I can’t do this!” with “Why not try it?”

Hey, we’re all guilty of procrastinating at some point as we’re working on our goals, whether they’re small daily ones or really big ones. This is quite normal and it’s a human reaction. But there’s something you can do to deal with the procrastination.

  • First, ask yourself if there is something else hiding behind procrastination. Maybe it is fear of not being able to do something successfully, not being able to be better at it than other people, or maybe not even understanding why we are doing something to begin with.
  • Next time you feel like procrastinating, rather than immediately reacting with “I can’t do it,” ask yourself where the resistance is coming from. Be honest with yourself. Start with providing an explanation, for example by saying, “I can’t because….” Then you’ll know the source of your resistance.
  • Think of what you gain when you say “Why not try it?” You win over fear and you start thinking beyond obstacles. There is something powerful when you leave a door open to explore possibilities, instead of shutting that same door in your own face. It’s a subtle change in your attitude that can have a big impact in your life.

Tip #6. Take ownership of your free time.

Why not admit it? At some point in our lives we have all let television, commercials, mass media, or social media control the way we spend the little free time that we have in the evenings. Instead of just giving in to passive forms of entertainment and then finding yourself hours later wondering where the time went, why not plan what you want to do with your free time?

  • Use an hour after dinner to do some strategic thinking. Since this is the time of day when the brain slows down and is freed from the deadlines you impose on it earlier in the day, use the time for creative thinking. For example, if you’re working on your goal for the month, consider your progress so far. How are you making progress, is it going well, or are there obstacles you didn’t expect? What can you do next time you run into an obstacle? How can you be better prepared for the next day?
  • Watch documentaries you can learn from. YouTube is full of them (search for BBC and History Channel documentaries), so go ahead and search the topics that interest you. Check out British historian Bettany Hughes and her series called The Ancient Worlds to learn about everyday life in ancient Alexandria, Rome, Athens, and about the way society was organized among Minoans, Spartans, and the Moors. Another excellent 3-part series by the BBC is Ibn Battuta: The Man Who Walked Across the World.
  • Start reading more books. It doesn’t matter if they’re fiction or non-fiction. What’s important is that you feed your brain, learn new things, time travel, and absorb the life experiences of other people. If they’re excellent storytellers, you will soon be drawn into their world so that you cannot put the book down. To start, check out recommendations on the best books of all time on Quora. Or download the Goodreads app to get recommendations, add books to your bookshelf, and track your reading progress.

Tip #7. Keep learning, keep improving, keep hacking your life.

Now that you’ve started to incorporate some changes into your life to remain focused on things that are your top priority, all you need to do is continue moving forward. Life is not static, and your efforts should also not be static. Think about ways to improve what you’re doing each day.

  • Measure your progress. Find ways to measure how you’re moving forward. Maybe you’ll set aside 30 minutes each day to focus on learning a new skill. If so, add up the hours at the end of the week and see if you can add more time each day, even if it’s just a few more minutes. Then see how many hours you’ve devoted to it in a month.
  • Evaluate how you’re doing. Ask yourself a few questions to understand how you’re keeping up with the goals you’ve set for yourself. For example, did some activities you started doing take more time than you anticipated? What could you have done better? Where can you make adjustments to stay on track?
  • Take time to appreciate the change. Yes, it’s important to make progress, to stay focused, to reach that important goal. But every step of the way in getting there is super important too. So find the time each evening to pause and reflect on what you’re doing, and give yourself some well-deserved praise for all those efforts. You’re finally on the right path to becoming that best version of yourself!

What’s the number one thing that motivates you every morning?

 
Easy. It’s this question that I ask myself every morning within the first 5 minutes of waking up:

What is the ONE thing I am committed to completing today?

Here’s an explanation of why it’s so motivating to me, and why it might help you if you’ve often found yourself struggling with getting motivated to do something that is on your to-do list or that is a necessary step in achieving a personal or profession goal.

ONE. Why is this question important to me?

  • It simplifies my life. I don’t overwhelm myself with too many choices I need to make on any given day.
  • It encourages me to think strategically about my life one day at a time.
  • It keeps me focused on my goals instead of getting distracted by other things.
  • It forces me to prioritize what it relevant over everything else that is not.
  • It serves as a personal promise to myself to do what I’ve identified as critical to my personal or professional development.

TWO. How can you incorporate this question into your daily life?

  • Write it down: take a large sheet of paper and write the question in big bold letters.
  • Hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall so it’s easy to see.
  • Make it part of a unique background for your computer or cell phone.
  • Use it as the main heading at the top of your journal entry for each day.
  • Ask the question aloud as you are brushing your teeth or getting ready.
  • Give an answer on the spot out loud, or write it down in your journal.

THREE. How can this question make a positive impact on your life?

  • You train your brain to focus on what is most important to you, and you don’t waste it on things that are trivial, irrelevant, or distracting in any way.
  • You gain a sense of purpose when you are focused on your personal commitments: it gives your life meaning, helps you understand you have something of value to contribute, and improves the quality of your day-to-day life.
  • You save time when you know in advance the work you need to accomplish, so that you don’t waste hours evaluating multiple priorities throughout the day, which can be exhausting.
  • You help your brain perform more optimally when you’re committed to just ONE thing, so that it becomes freed from cluttered thoughts and it has more space to concentrate on what you consider the most important goal of your day.

How can I avoid distractions while studying?

One thing is for sure: all those distractions you’re experiencing aren’t going to go away, so your best bet is to attack them head on.

Try these 5 tips and change your studying experience so you maximize the time and minimize the distractions.

Tip #1. Minimize digital distractions.

It’s becoming increasingly tough to focus on what we are currently doing because our attention moves to all the devices we own. There’s the computer, the tablet, the phone (and that doesn’t cover the TV!). Let’s be real: technology is great! But you’re better off if you make it work for you, not against you. This means, when you’re getting ready to work, it’s time to shut some things off. Here’s how:

  • Set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus. It’s not necessary to receive calls or texts when you’re in the middle of a study session. Whenever your attention shifts to something else, it takes your brain about 20 minutes to refocus.
  • Check your email and social media apps only 2–3 times a day. This can be around midday, later in the afternoon, and evening. Schedule this time during your lunch break, for example, or when you have a cup of coffee or tea.
  • Avoid browsing the Internet or reading the daily news. Leave these activities for later after you’ve completed what you need to do. Close all tabs on your computer that may be tempting you to start browsing.

Tip #2. Become a pro at blocking away noise.

Ideally, we’d all be in a soundproof room whenever we need to focus for an important exam. But real life is far from that! If your home or work environment is not the ideal place for focusing (which goes for most of us), you will need to get more creative with overcoming this challenge. Start with these ideas:

  • Invest in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones. They can be helpful whether you’re at home, in a busy coffee shop, or at university. You can listen to music that can help you relax and improve your focus (it can be classical music or sounds of nature).
  • Get a pair of soft silicone ear plugsThey’re especially good if you prefer to work in silence, and they easily double up as an option for taking a quick nap or if you’re having trouble sleeping throughout the night due to heavy traffic, loud housemates, or construction in your neighborhood.

Tip #3. Train your mind to dive right in.

What really makes a difference in starting your study day the right way is to get your mind on board with what you’re about to do. It helps you stay motivated to do what’s in front of you. For example:

  • Instead of approaching what you’re doing as a chore, turn it into a choice. Don’t tell yourself, All this work I have to complete today is so hard, I don’t feel like doing any of it! Instead say, This is something I really want to learn more about, it will help me improve a skill or master my field of expertise!The benefits? It gives you a greater sense of control about your studies.
  • Remind yourself of the value of your studies with this question: “Why am I doing this?” Make the connection between what’s happening right now and the goals you have set for yourself. It can be to learn a new skill, study for an exam so you can graduate and start your career, solve a particular problem you’re currently dealing with, etc.
  • Visualize what you’re about to do. This is a technique called building a mental model; you imagine in detail what you expect to learn. As you do it, be sure to cover all the steps you will be doing. For example, if you are researching something new, visualize covering a certain amount of material (chapters, paragraphs, sections), taking notes on important concepts, writing down questions to follow up on later. When you tell yourself a story, you train your brain to anticipate next steps you’ll need to take.

Tip #4. Practice being more mindful.

Let’s face it: studying is like having a full-time job. You’re working for weeks at a time to prep for exams, the assignments seem endless, and you often lose focus or get distracted with just about anything: a noisy street outside your window, a friend calling you to join them for dinner, all those videos you’d rather be watching on YouTube. There’s one way to stay focused and declutter your mind from all the busy thoughts that keep piling up: a simple meditation practice of 10 minutes.

  • The benefits: You can feel less overwhelmed and stressed, you are able to stay calm throughout the day, and you may even start concentrating better on your work.
  • How to begin: First download the Headspace app, which makes meditation easy, fun, and great for beginners. Practice 10 minutes consistently for 10 days. After that, you can opt to increase the time to 15 and later 20 minutes, or you can keep it to 10 if that amount of time works for you.

Tip #5. Don’t allow other people and social media run your day.

Both of these factors can significantly impact your focus by taking your attention away from what’s important in your life. Here’s how to keep social distractions to a minimum:

  • Start by setting expectations with other people. Before you begin your study session, let your family members or roommates know you won’t be available in the next few hours. That way they don’t interrupt you with their requests, questions, or ideas on doing something else that they’ll claim is more fun or interesting. Having to choose between your studying and social activities isn’t fair, so you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you’re forced to pick one over the other.
  • Consider eliminating toxic people from your life. Many of them may claim they are your friends, but they are not. Why? Because they don’t support you, they don’t listen to you, and chances are they won’t change just because you want them to. Be very selective who you spend your free time with, and next time a toxic person wants to monopolize your time, just say no. Tell them you’re busy. Don’t engage in negative talk. You’re better off spending free time on your own doing something that makes you relaxed and happy.
  • Don’t get lost in the latest Facebook or Instagram updates. Instead, you’re better off if you take everything you see and hear with a grain of salt. Chances are that the pictures and updates are not your friends’ or other people’s reality; it’s the version of their reality they want you to see. Instead, focus on what you have going for you in your life. Practice gratitude for the little things, stay true to your goals, and don’t let other people’s ideas or priorities sway you from accomplishing what you have set out to do.

What keeps you motivated to learn things?

 

In two words: endless curiosity.

Because that’s what my mind is like. I am curious to know how and why things work, in what ways they can be useful to me, and what potential they have to open up new questions for me to contemplate.

But I don’t turn this into an abstract concept. In fact, I’ve narrowed the motivation thing down to almost a science. I start with the basics: first I figure out the why, then narrow down the what, I create a ritual around the where andwhen, I master my how, and finally I remind myself to stay curious.

When you cover the basics, you can boost your motivation to learn new things much more effectively.

Here are 5 steps to get you there.

#1. Ask your WHY.

Find out what is your purpose and goal to learn a new thing. When you make this connection, you’re more likely to stay motivated to keep learning. Why is that important? Because you should always make sure you’re learning something because you want to, and not because someone else thinks it is important. It is your personal development you should be focused on, not the development of anyone else. To narrow down your why, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why is learning about this topic important to me?
  • Is this something I’ve been interested in for a long time?
  • Am I looking to become an expert in a certain field?
  • Do I want to use this knowledge to better my education or career?
  • Am I looking to develop a skill I will need to live a higher quality of life?

#2. Narrow down the WHAT.

When you find out your why, narrow down what you’re learning. Make sure you identify one field, area, or subject matter so that your learning becomes more focused and targeted. When you do, you’re on the path to becoming a master in that area, as opposed to just dabbling in things here and there, without going in-depth on any particular topic.

  • Why is this important to the learning process in the long run?Identifying one thing means you don’t run the risk of getting distracted and demotivated because you want to achieve too much at the same time. When it comes to absorbing new material, think quality instead of quantity.
  • How does this impact your daily life? It makes absorbing new things easier. When you target one area at a time, you create a daily habit of learning that is simple and straightforward to follow, so that you can be consistent with it for longer periods of time.

#3. Create a ritual around the WHERE and WHEN.

Don’t wait for nighttime to begin learning something entirely new. If your goal is to absorb new information more effectively, especially if that information is dense, unfamiliar, and includes concepts that will require your analytical mind to take over, read the new material early in the day.

  • Why is it important to learn new things early? Because that’s when your analytical brain is more likely to perform the most complex tasks (in the case of learning new things, these tasks can be reading, comprehension, application, repetition).
  • When should you study? Your brain’s peak performance time is around 2-4 hours after you wake up. So, for example, if you wake up at 6, your peak times for review are between 8 and 10 a.m. To maximize your focus time, extend studying until midday to cover the most important concepts by lunchtime.
  • Where should you study? Create a peaceful and calm space to sit and work undisturbed. It could be your bedroom or a quiet corner at home. But if you live in a noisy environment, you might need to get creative. Try investing in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones to block out noise, or get a pair of soft silicone ear plugs like these so that you can study in silence. Music can help you improve your focus: it can be classical music such as Mozart, Chopin, or Bach, or a playlist of chillout tunes.

#4. Master your HOW.

Now that you’ve dedicated the time and space to learning something new, think how you can best optimize the time. If you think that you should be sitting in one place reading for hours, that’s the wrong approach. Why? Because you’re more likely to lose focus and your motivation, not to mention you’ll get tired fast. Here’s what can help:

  • Use a timer to divide up your study sessions into 30–60 minute increments that will allow your brain to focus in a more targeted and effective way. If you don’t have a lot of time, though, try the Pomodoro technique: study only in 25 minute increments, with a 5 minute break.
  • When you’ve completed one study session, get up and do something completely unrelated to work to give your brain a chance to rest. The benefit? You take advantage of the Zeigarnik effect: it’s a concept developed in psychology that suggests that students who take breaks during which they perform unrelated activities (studying other unrelated subjects, reading a book, working out or performing other physical activities, for example) will remember material better than students who go through longer study sessions without taking a break. So go ahead: get some fresh air, make yourself a sandwich, write a short list of other things you need to do later in the day, make yourself a cup of coffee or tea.

#5. STAY curious by befriending your inner child.

Staying curious is a combination of thinking like a detective, being open to new experiences, and learning new things. It’s very similar to how you processed the world when you were a child. And just because you are now all grown up with adult responsibilities doesn’t mean you should ignore the child that is still in you. Acknowledge it and ask what it wants to find out about the world and why. This will give you some time to explore the things that made you happy and excited before all this grown-up stuff happened. And in turn, it can help you to process and see the world around you differently today. Here’s what you can do:

  • Write down 5 things that your inner child loved to do. It can be anything from playing a game to practicing a sport to spending time vacationing at a favorite destination with your family.
  • From your list, pick items that still speak to you that you may have forgotten. In the rush of finishing school, going through your turbulent teen years, or studying for tough exams at college, what was left behind? Did you have big plans to be a writer, a painter, or a basketball player? When was the last time you did any of those things? How did you feel when you were doing them?
  • Make a plan for the following month to practice one of the items from the list. The key is to start with one so it’s easier to do; you can always try something different later and see how it goes. Start with an hour, maybe two times a week. If it’s painting that you miss doing, buy a sketch pad along with a few brushes and some watercolors, and get creative. If you picked a sport, go to the gym or the nearby park and work on getting more strong and fit.

How do I motivate myself when I am failing at every stage of my life?

I’ll let you in on a secret about failure: no matter how hard you try, you can’t escape it. You may think you have a lot of things going for you, or that you’re on a winning streak, or things just feel really good. And then it happens. Sometimes you get a warning signal, or a bunch of red flags flapping in the wind, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes it quietly creeps up on you, and by the time you feel it, it’s too late to change course.

Or is it?

Maybe the solution is in how you train your brain to think about failure.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s not what happens to you in your life that matters, but rather how you react to it that will determine the course of your life.

So how do you train your brain to stay motivated despite all the failures you experienced?

Start with these 7 tips and follow up questions to ask yourself so that you can gain a fresh perspective on what to do differently.

Tip 1. Congratulate yourself for making it this far.

Yes, if you hadn’t failed, by now you’d be celebrating the big win. But whatever happened to all the effort you put into it? That doesn’t just disappear. It’s really important to give yourself kudos for every small step you put into it. Why is this important? Your brain doesn’t know the difference between progress and perceived progress, so you’re better off giving praise for the small steps you’ve taken. Watch this TEDx Talk featuring B.J. Fogg, the Director of the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, to see why the secret is not in the big wins but in the small ones.

Question to ask yourself:

  • What is one thing I’ve done successfully in the past month: did I finish a big chunk of a project, meet a deadline, learn how to use a tool to do my job better, or finish a semester at school?

Tip 2. Resist getting emotional about it.

Sometimes it’s that voice that you hear saying, I can’t do it! It’s too hard! I’m going to give up! If it is, just chalk it up to the fixed mindset talking. What’s a fixed mindset? It’s your belief that your personality, skill set, and strengths are “fixed” i.e. you have them from birth, and that that’s just how it is. What’s better? Adopting a growth mindset: believing that you can cultivate strengths and skills through your efforts. That is hugely empowering! Read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success to better understand how you can make lasting change with continuous effort.

Question to ask yourself:

  • Do I say something is difficult because I’ve always found it challenging to do, and how would I change this if I could start all over again?

Tip 3. Tap into the bigger picture.

Ask yourself, Why am I doing this? Whatever you are working on, zoom out of your current situation and connect with the initial reason you started doing it. This will remind you that your actions are directly linked to your personal or professional goals. Maybe you started working on acquiring a new skill such as playing an instrument to fulfill a lifelong dream. Or, you are studying for exams, so that you can get a degree that will open doors for you to embark on an exciting career and gain financial independence. Or maybe you’re looking for a job that is a better fit for your skill set and your career path than the last one you had.

Question to ask yourself:

  • Why is this challenge so important to me? What is at the core? What will I gain from solving it? What will this mean to my life in the long run?

Tip 4. Consider that you could be a victim of self-sabotage.

Maybe it’s not external factors that are making a task impossible, even though you’d like to think so (My manager hates me! or The professor is deliberately making this exam difficult to pass!). Maybe the real reason is you and what you’re doing (or not!) to make it difficult to reach your goal. Is that entirely impossible? Not really. It’s more common than you may think. Check out this article to find out how changing your environment or adhering to the 2-minute rule can break this bad habit.

Question to ask yourself:

  • What is really behind my negative self-talk, am I scared to do something or is there one thing that’s blocking me?

Tip 5. Start anticipating obstacles and prepare for them.

When we are faced with an obstacle, we tend to stop what we’re doing and start reacting: we get emotional, we complain. It’s not fair! It’s impossible to fix! But complaining won’t change a thing. What will make a difference is getting proactive. How? First, start anticipating that there will be obstacles you will encounter on your path. If you prepare yourself psychologically for them, they won’t feel so devastating when they actually do happen. Second, use the opportunity to learn something new, to take a different approach to the problem, to think it through, and to try something different that can yield better results. And third, take advantage of the tough times to achieve mastery in one area so that you can become an expert at it. That way you proactively take advantage of your full potential, and you use your strengths to accomplish what you want to do with your life.

Question to ask yourself:

  • What are 3 things I can do when I am faced with an obstacle? Which solutions can I brainstorm so that I have them ready in case I need them?

Tip 6. Create a peaceful place in your mind.

More important than tidying up your apartment or house, it will benefit you greatly if you regularly work on keeping your mind clean and uncluttered. Why? When it’s not full of jumbled thoughts, confusion and worry, it can work its real magic. And how do you do that? By practicing mindfulness through meditation. This small practice doesn’t require a lot of time, it’s simple to follow, and it has many benefits, including better focus and more concentration. You can try it early in the day so that you prepare your brain for the day ahead, or you can practice it at night so you have more restful and calm sleep. Download the Headspace app to start with a simple 10-minute session.

Question to ask yourself:

  • When can I set aside 10 minutes today to practice mindfulness?

Tip 7. Make the time to take a well-deserved break.

We tend to feel bad about the decisions we made or the things that happened to us when we’re tired and our brain is exhausted from trying so hard to do things successfully. Maybe you’ve spent hours sitting at your desk or working on a challenging task, and your brain needs a break. What are some things you can do? If you don’t have a deadline later in the day, take a few hours off and go outside for a walk or a bike ride. You can take a power nap to get energized to work more later. Or you can find other ways to relax, such as listening to music or reading a chapter or two from a good book.

Question to ask yourself:

  • What is an activity that relaxes me that I can treat myself to doing today?