New e-book on self-discipline is available!

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I’ve received many requests over the past year to start putting together an e-book for each of the main topics I write about on Quora: self-discipline, growth mindset, focus and concentration, study strategies, and goal setting. And I agree—an e-book is practical because you can read it on your device and also print it out if you prefer a hard copy. But I didn’t just want to include the actual tips; I also wanted to add a few extra elements to make the e-book more interactive, so anyone reading it can also write in it and use it as a workbook or journal.

I’m pleased to announce that my first e-book of 2018 is available, and it’s called 5 Keys to Self-Discipline to Help You Transform Each Day. It explains tips for building self-discipline that have helped me create a lifestyle in which I can focus on my goals and make a small step towards them every single day. As you practice these tips, you’ll also notice how much self-discipline can transform your life.

Each chapter covers one key to self-discipline. The structure of the chapters is simple to follow.

  • There’s an introduction to describe each key, followed by step-by-step instructions for an easy way to implement and practice the tips in your daily life.
  • I’ve also added a few comments describing my own experiences of incorporating self-discipline into my life, and a few tips on what’s worked best for me.
  • Finally, there’s a guided notes section at the end of each chapter—here’s where you will write down your first impressions of what you’ve just read, your thoughts on why these tips can be beneficial to you in your own life, and your commitment to when and how you’ll implement each tip.

The e-book is available as a PDF (155KB) file.

Find it here.

As always, thanks for all of the excellent feedback you’ve been sending my way. It is much appreciated, and helps me learn something new from your experiences every day!





What are the 3 golden words you live by?


Discipline equals freedom.

Or, I prefer it as a mathematical equation:

Discipline = freedom.

They are my three golden words for many reasons. Having self-discipline is a lifestyle. It’s the ultimate life hack if you are forward-thinking. It’s about making smart choices, day in and day out. It’s about growth. And mastery. And leading a life with more purpose. But if I’d narrow it down to what is most important to me, it’s that it gives me freedom to live my life independently, on my own terms.

I think that the term self-discipline often gets a bad rap. Many people associate it with some type of self-imposed punishment, making it seem uncomfortable, unnecessary, and harsh. Others think it’s a vague concept that can’t have any value in their lives, but is only reserved for military personnel, martial arts masters, and professional athletes. In my opinion, self-discipline is possible for all of us to achieve. It is a choice. You can decide today that you’ll get better at something. You decide you want to create something that has value. You decide to commit to a goal or an idea or that future you that you envision five or ten years down the road. It’s not only possible, it’s doable.

All that you need to do is BEGIN. Begin somewhere, take one tiny step, just do it today. And you’ll notice how much self-discipline can transform your life.

Here are 7 tips that have helped me create my self-disciplined lifestyle, and advice from a few mentors who have guided me along the way.

Tip #1. Get out of your comfort zone in order to succeed.

Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford and one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation, is an expert whose work I truly admire. In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Dweck makes an important distinction between two mindsets: fixed and growth mindset. If you’ve adopted a fixed mindset, you think being successful is due to good genes, a particular talent or gift, or something you are or aren’t born with but can never change. Succeeding means being perfect every time, achieving results easily and effortlessly, without much preparation or learning anything new. It’s all about staying in the comfort zone and repeating what works, time and time again. But the downside to a fixed way of thinking is never making an effort to step out of the comfort zone and doing something that is tough and challenging. Yet that’s exactly where real success can happen.

How can you implement this?

To nurture a growth mindset, shift your focus from the end result (taking a perfect photograph, making straight A’s in school, reaching the finish line first) to the actual process of becoming successful. A growth mindset person doesn’t think that success is being the best, but instead believes that success is doing their best. You can shift your focus in different ways each day, starting with moving away from your comfort zone (doing everything the same way over and over, using the same tools and processes), and moving towards a zone that’s uncomfortable and new. Maybe you will come up with a better way to improve how you do your work such as breaking down a difficult task in smaller increments, or tackling a tough mental task early in the day when your mind can concentrate better. Or, maybe you’ll start waking up a bit earlier each morning to practice a new fitness habit such as going for a run or a bike ride.

Tip #2. Take full ownership of your mind.

If your days begin with the same pattern of worrying, rushing, and multitasking, you’ll soon find yourself exhausted, distracted, and even anxious. As you go about your day, the situation gets worse because you’re receiving more inputs and your brain is trying to catch up and manage all your cognitive as well as other tasks. Towards evening you’ll over-analyze, worry, stress out, and find it difficult to focus. And it doesn’t stop there—your mind can start filling up with negative thoughts which can make you feel frustration, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, even contemplation of quitting. You know that’s not what your mind should be doing at its optimal level. That’s why you’re better off it you take full ownership over it.

How can you implement this?

Taking ownership of your mind isn’t just wishful thinking. It’s about exercising some mind control. Who do you think controls your mind, if not you? Maybe you didn’t think of it that way before, but that’s how it should and can be. For example, you should take control over what type of thoughts you have and what kind of feelings you allow yourself to experience. Instead of having self-doubt about whether you can take on a tough mental task, use positive phrases to improve the way you talk to yourself, such as I am capable of solving this problem or Maybe I’m not good at it yet, but I can learn how to improve this skill with daily practice. Taking ownership of your mind is critical because you’ll feel like you’re in power and are actively pursuing your goals, instead of feeling like your negative thoughts are taking over your life. If your thoughts seem chaotic, you can start a short 10-minute meditation practice. If you feel you’re binging on TV series, opt for watching science documentaries or reading fiction.

Tip #3. Increase your knowledge by asking questions.

You’ve heard of the saying that knowledge is power, and certainly in many ways that is true. Knowledge is your most powerful tool because it will help you understand the world around you, boost your communication skills with people in your environment, improve your grades in school or your productivity at work, and help you achieve the goals you set for yourself both professionally and personally. Learning expert, leader in optimal brain performance, and brain trainer for many top entrepreneurs Jim Kwik says that if knowledge is power, then learning is your superpower. In other words, knowledge isn’t static. It’s constantly evolving, and that’s why it’s so important to increase it and work on it every day. What really helps in this process? Asking a lot of questions. That’s your biggest learning hack.

How can you implement this?

First, let’s get one major obstacle out of the way. People often feel embarrassed or ashamed they don’t know something in a classroom or work setting. But think of it this way: you’re there for a reason! Not to prove yourself how great you are at something (that’s again the fixed mindset talking), but more importantly you’re there to increase your knowledge, your skill set, and your abilities. There are many ways of asking questions. If you’re learning about a new process at work that is unfamiliar to you, break it down into smaller chunks, then examine each one individually and ask the relevant questions. What are the components, where are the dependencies, what’s the end goal? If you don’t understand the vocabulary a professor is using during lectures, or if your textbook is full of words you’re not familiar with, take out your dictionary and look up each word. Make sure you also ask yourself a few questions as you’re learning. What have I learned from this? What have I created? How much progress have I made, and what will I do next to improve even more?

Tip #4. Make a commitment to crush your weaknesses.

I have my weaknesses and you have yours. Everyone has them, and that’s nothing unusual or even bad. We can’t all be knowledgeable at everything, nor can we possess every skill under the sun. It’s OK. Our weaknesses come in many shapes, so it’s important to know what yours are. For some, their weakness is sugar—they can’t say no to the box of candy a coworker brings to the office. For others, it’s a constant need for attention—they want friends to be around them, praise them, listen to them. And for some people, it’s feeling like a failure whenever they try to solve a complex math equation. Regardless of what your weakness is, know this—you don’t have to accept it. You are not defined by it, nor should you live your life by it. You can change it and in the process you can change yourself.

How can you implement this?

Next time you’re experiencing a weakness, start changing the way you think about it. Ask yourself, Where is the opportunity in this situation? It’s obvious I am missing knowledge or a skill set in order to do this better. What can I learn from this? Maybe there are resources that I’ll find helpful, from another textbook to a YouTube tutorial explaining how something works, or I can ask someone who’s a subject matter expert. Don’t stop there—ask yourself a few tough questions to get you on the right track. Is this weakness something I want to keep in my life? How will it affect me if things stay the same for the next ten years, or maybe forever? How will that make me feel? Do I accept that version of myself? How can I be just a little bit better at this every day?

Tip #5. Understand that fear of stagnation is worse than fear of failure.

Fear of failure is probably one of the top reasons people walk away from a tough mental or physical challenge, a difficult conversation, or a career opportunity that can be a life-changing decision. What’s behind it? Maybe worry that they can’t solve a problem, or have to admit they don’t know what to do, or the feeling of dread if they’re embarrassed or ridiculed. One of my biggest mentors, Jocko Willink (ex-Navy SEAL, entrepreneur, and expert on topics like leadership and mastery) has a great attitude towards this fear. He says, fear is good! You should experience it because that can be the force that will propel you forward. What’s much worse, he says, is being stagnant. Imagine a scenario in which 20 years from now you wake up and realize that you haven’t moved an inch. You haven’t made any progress in anything. Now that’s stagnation. With fear, you can choose to use it constructively and move forward. You can do something about it.

How can you implement this?

Let’s say you just experienced failure in one area of your life: it can be a relationship that hasn’t progressed the way you wanted, or it can be an exam you didn’t pass and now you’re sitting at home feeling resigned and just awful about it. Now is the right time to take a fresh look at what you’re going through so you can understand it better and benefit from it. First, it’s best if you let a little time go by; you want to get the emotional reaction out of the way so it doesn’t mess with your ability to analyze the situation logically. Once you’ve made that pause, go over the situation in your mind, or write your thoughts down in a notebook. Ask yourself, What was I trying to achieve? What got in the way? Were there any missed opportunities, or was there something I could’ve done differently to change the outcome? How much was out of my control, and how much could I have changed with my behavior or attitude? What did I learn from the experience that I’ll never do again, or that I’ll improve?

Tip #6. Let obstacles show you the way to self-improvement.

How often have you told yourself, if only I didn’t run out of time I could’ve finished that term paper? Or, if only I wasn’t invited to the party I wouldn’t have eaten two slices of that chocolate cake and I would’ve stuck to my diet? In those moments when you’re trying to rationalize your decisions and actions, you’re blaming the obstacles for not achieving your short or long-term goals. Or, to put it differently, you’re giving them top priority and more importance than anything you can do or change with your behavior. Shouldn’t obstacles serve a different purpose in our life? Instead of using them as an excuse to avoid something or even quit something, it’s more beneficial if we use them to our advantage in some way.

How can you implement this?

In his book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual, Jocko Willink has a power tip for how to deal with obstacles. He suggests that when you reach an obstacle, instead of saying, Oh no! you should embrace it and say, Good! Why position an obstacle in a positive light? It’s such a subtle switch of your mindset, but it can make a huge difference in how you react to a potentially problematic situation. If you’ve failed at an exam, good! Now you’ll have more time to prep and organize your study days more effectively. If you’re trying to multitask and fail at everything, good! Now you’ll have time to regroup, take a break, and prioritize what is most important so you don’t have to do anything halfway. If you didn’t get that job offer you were waiting for, good! Now you’ll be able to revamp your resume and apply for jobs that are an even better fit for your skill set.

Tip #7. Stop making excuses to live the best version of your life.

It’s amazing how much we go through life making excuses for why we cannot do things. We don’t have the time to read books, but we sure make the time to watch TV for three hours straight after dinner. We don’t feel like studying tonight, because we’d much rather go to the movie theater and ignore the exam until it’s well past midnight. We don’t want to apply for a new job because it sounds much more challenging than the one we currently have, so we keep the status quo and drag ourselves to work each day feeling unmotivated. It all sounds illogical, doesn’t it? But excuses, no matter their shape or size, are standing in the way of living our life to the fullest. That’s why it’s time to stop making them.

How can you implement this?

Here’s where you can really experience what self-discipline is all about. It’s time to put a stop to those bad habits and destructive behavior that’s not helpful to you and your future self. It’s time to change the way you talk to yourself and also how you see yourself. Don’t coddle yourself; be tough when it comes to setting daily goals. Don’t count on motivation to get you out of bed; set the alarm and as soon as you hear it, get up. Don’t tell yourself you cannot do something; even if you’re not in the mood, just do it anyway. Don’t dwell on past mistakes; focus on what you’ve learned from the situation and move on, even if it’s making a tiny step forward. And if you don’t see yourself as a self-disciplined person, maybe you’re not one—yetBut that’s about to change.

How do I become the best version of my self?

What an excellent way to start on this path: by asking questions!

The good news is, there is no single best way, or even just one way. Everything is a matter of personal preference, and only by experimenting you’ll be able to see what works best for you.

Here are my 5 tips that can help you think this question through.

Tip #1. Gain a better sense of purpose by setting important goals.

Having a specific and important goal (or three, or five, or ten!) is one of the most critical factors that can help you build a more meaningful future. When you have a goal you’re working towards, everything you do in your day to day life will start feeling like it has a greater sense of purpose. Why? Because you won’t see your actions as isolated ones—everything you do will start to add up to something much bigger.

How does this work?

  • Identify specific goals. Don’t make your goals vague or abstract. Non-specific goals can be anything of the following: I want to get a job, or move out of my parents’ house, or get fit, lose weight, or have a large salary. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [insert job titleyou want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fairgiven your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert current skillsand new skills you’re working on].
  • Make every day count. Who can be motivated to do anything if they don’t believe it matters in the grand scheme of things? To make a connection between what you are doing each day with your future self, try this simple mind hack. Start each day with this question: What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed and can focus better on what’s most important to you.
  • Hold yourself accountable. This means you start being responsible for your actions. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. Commitments aren’t just promises you make to other people—you can make them to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame. For example, I am committed to focusing on my studies in the next 30 days so I can pass all three of my exams with top marks. Or, I am committed to building my physical endurance by running 4 times a week for 3 months so that I can run a 5K race.

Tip #2. Identify and develop your core skill set.

There are certain skills you believe you’ve had since childhood, and those you might be comfortable with. But there are additional skills you’ve identified as important, and maybe you already started working on them or would like to get better at them in the future. Either way, you probably already realized that the best version of yourself is knowledgeable in a certain field of expertise, or maybe can even become a master in that area. That is why it’s critical to identify and develop the core skill set that will help you get there.

How does this work?

  • Identify the skills necessary for you to succeed in your current job or dream career. Don’t rush through this—take a few hours to think it through. First brainstorm and then write down a list of all the skills you think you need. And don’t only think about building hard skills, but soft skills too.
  • Create a skill-building plan. You don’t need me to tell you that building new skills will take time. And that’s OK. The biggest masters in their respective fields, from Einstein to Picasso, worked on their skills every single day of their lives. Where can you begin? Start with skills you think will be most valuable to you—pick the top two or three—then create a plan to devote a certain amount of time each day to them, even if that means only 15 minutes in the beginning.
  • Practice each skill consistently. It’s one thing to create a plan, and another to put that plan into action. Here’s where the action part comes in. Did you hear of the 10,000 hour rule? Many people swear by it, and others think it’s not a big deal. In either case, don’t just be focused on the number of hours—it’s not just the quantity of time you put into skill building, but also what you do during that time. Are you doing deep work—focusing without interruptions? Are you concentrating on repetition and improving? What are you learning from your mistakes? Those are the questions to keep top of mind as you are practicing your skills.

Tip #3. Make new habits stick by keeping them simple.

Every habit we’d like to acquire needs self-discipline, time, and repetition. Does that sound intimidating to you? If it does, it’s only because you feel like you “should” be doing something difficult when you’d rather be relaxing or doing something that’s easy. But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you’re reading this because you feel it’s time to make some kind of change in your life: you want to turn over a new leaf in the new year and start working out, or stop eating out so much, or get more sleep, or find more time to spend with family, or watch less TV.

How does this work?

  • Start with tiny steps. Tiny means really tiny. Super small, bite-sized activities that are doable and accessible to everyone. For example, if you’re building your writing skills, start by writing a paragraph or two each day. Or, if you’re learning a new language, start by learning how to introduce yourself in a sentence or two.
  • Make it tough to say no to your new habit. If it takes a long time to start something new, chances are you’ll give up quickly, maybe even after a week of trying. That’s why it’s important to keep a new habit as simple to do as possible. For example, do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes this month, instead of giving up on working out just because your gym is a 30-minute bus ride away.
  • Prepare, prepare, prepare ahead of time. You’ll have a much better chance at doing anything successfully if you prep what you need ahead of time. If you feel overwhelmed and exhausted by studying, start going to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book or soothing music. If you are tired of making unhealthy choices for lunch every day, prep and pack your meal the night before so you don’t have to grab a burger at a fast food place when you’re starving.

Tip #4. Say “thank you” for everything you have in your life right now.

Practicing gratitude isn’t about repeating abstract words or phrases that you learn by heart but that you do not understand. If done correctly, it’s a total game changer! Practicing gratitude trains your brain to focus on positive things and makes you think of what you already have in your life, as opposed to what you do not. Being grateful will also keep you grounded in your personal life so you are less focused or even obsessed with what others are doing with theirs—whether that pertains to your friends, classmates, people you follow on Instagram, or even coworkers.

How does this work?

  • Do your gratitude practice early. Take a few minutes when you wake up and before you start getting ready for work or school. You might want to write your thoughts down in a journal, or you may prefer to think about them silently, or maybe you’ll prefer to say your thoughts out loud. It’s up to you.
  • Start small. Focus only on 3 things you are grateful for today. It can be having a warm bed to sleep in; a roof over your head; a family member or friend who you trust and who encourages you to become the best version of yourself; food in your fridge; the opportunity to focus on your education so that you can take charge of your life and become independent.
  • Be as specific as possible. If it’s a specific person you’re grateful for having in your life, emphasize which of their qualities you are grateful for (they’re warm, generous, intelligent, helpful in giving advice, or incredibly funny). If it’s having your own space, point out why this is important to you (you have your own room or apartment where you can prepare your own meals, relax at the end of the day, and do whatever you believe is important to your personal growth).

Tip #5. Start nurturing a strong belief in yourself.

Let’s be honest. It’s great to hear someone close to us say, I believe in you! And although it’s wonderful to hear those words come from someone else, it is not the most important or even the most necessary as you strive to become the best version of yourself. What’s much more important is for you to believe in yourself. Sounds pretty straightforward. But this is tougher than most other things you’re trying to achieve. Why? Because, like it or not, we are usually our biggest critic in the whole world. However, it does not and should not be that way. What helps is to make a shift in your mindset, even just a little bit, each day.

How does this work?

  • Work consistently on developing a growth mindset. In a nutshell, a growth mindset means you stretch yourself to learn something new every day, you challenge yourself to solve tough problems, and you work consistently until you improve. Instead of telling yourself what you “can” or “cannot” do, given your talents or gifts (all of which is a fixed mindset way of thinking), start expanding your horizons by saying, What if I tried getting better at this every day, in small steps?
  • Grow your critical thinking muscle. As you’re observing the world around you, it’s important not take everything you see and hear for granted, but rather learn how to think on your own. Start by asking questions—not just those that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’—but rather open-ended questions that begin with why and how. Distill from the information you gather what is important to you (based on your own personal goals, values, and priorities). When offered advice, ask yourself, does it align with my personal values? How would I benefit from following this advice, or is it not useful to me?
  • Turn obstacles into opportunities. Problems, setbacks, and challenges are a part of everyone’s life; they’re not just standing in your way. One common reaction that makes a situation much worse than necessary is getting emotional. We run into an obstacle and we get frustrated or angry or sad or we feel helpless. As a result, we might give up on something that is really important to us and that will likely give us positive results in the long run. What can you do differently? Instead of getting emotional, work through the challenge so that you can get stronger mentally. Write down the problem and its source. Consider all alternatives. Weigh out the pros and cons of each. Then make a decision. And always move forward. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” Your attitude towards yourself and your abilities will ultimately impact your path to becoming the best version of yourself. That’s why it is so important you make it a positive one.

How can I push myself to have more discipline?

I’d like to start with one small suggestion:

Instead of asking how to push yourself to have more discipline, it’s more beneficial to ask what tips will help you make an easier transition into a more disciplined life.

Pushing yourself doesn’t sound positive or appealing. In fact, it sounds forceful and more of an obligation—which means you’re less likely to keep it in your life. But if you think of making a change that benefits you in some way, that’s putting a more positive spin on things. Much better, right? Remember, it’s all about making a shift in your mindset so you can improve the quality of your life.

So what tips can help?

Here are 7 tips that have made a significant improvement in my lifestyle.

Tip #1. Use your willpower early in the day.

It’s pretty common that when we wake up in the morning, we’re overwhelmed with the amount of things we need to do, so we tend to procrastinate on some of those things and postpone them for later in the day. Big mistake. Why? Because we all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day.

  • How can you apply this? If you want to focus on priorities, work on them early. This means do them in the morning, and think of using up the time all until lunch. For example, complete that task that you’ve been putting off all week. Write up a plan for the school or work week ahead of time. Read through the last few chapters of your textbook and make detailed notes that will make studying much easier. Finish up homework you’ve been putting off because you’d rather do something more fun, like check your Instagram. You’ll be glad that you did all those things before the evening rolls around and you’d rather unwind and chill.

Tip #2. Make a new habit stick by keeping it simple.

Every habit we’d like to acquire needs self-discipline, time, and repetition. Does it sound intimidating? That’s because you positioned it that way: you feel like you “should” be doing something difficult when you’d rather be relaxing. If you are reading this, you may feel that it’s time to make some kind of change in your life: start working out, stop eating out so much, get more sleep, find more time to spend with family, watch TV less.

  • How can you apply this? To simplify a change you’re trying to make, start with tiny steps. Tiny means really tiny. Super small, bite-sized activities that are doable and accessible to everyone. For example, if you’re building up your writing skills, start by writing a paragraph or two each day. Do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes this month before you buy that gym membership. Start going to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book or soothing music. Prep and pack your lunch the night before so you don’t have to eat unhealthy meals while you’re at work or school.

Tip #3. Exercise your “NO!” muscle.

If you’ve ever found yourself running out of time to do what you need or would like to have time for, that means you’re wasting time and energy on things that are not that important in the long run. This could apply to distractions of any kind, spending hours on insignificant activities or pointless conversations, or indulging in passive forms of entertainment such as watching TV all night.

  • How can you apply this? Exercising your “no!” muscle means literally saying no in a variety of situations in your daily life. If there’s leftover cake in the fridge, don’t eat a double portion for the next three days just because you can. If you’re in the middle of finishing up a project and a friend calls to ask if you want to go party, don’t just drop everything you’re doing and go. It’s important to know your priorities—and it’s even important to be in tune with them. Be aware of what is relevant to your life and why you’re working on something. Then you will be less likely to ignore the things that are beneficial to your personal and professional growth.

Tip #4. Declare a personal war on distractions.

It’s next to impossible to focus on getting any work done if we allow our attention to move on to little things around us. Everything sounds tempting. You see a few new emails in your inbox—what if one is urgent? There are those colorful and fun new Instagram posts you’d like to check out as soon as you wake up. And then there are the news waiting for you to browse on Twitter. Who can resist? You need to learn how to do this. The benefits are huge—when you turn off your distractions, you have a better chance to actually focus on things that are important to you, and you’ll be able to say that you wisely invested your time.

  • How can you apply this? First, turn off the digital distractions when you need to do your most challenging cognitive tasks (studying, problem-solving, or writing). Set your phone to Airplane mode. Turn off all notifications. Check your email and social media apps 2–3 times a day. Close all tabs in your browser on the computer to create a clean, distraction-free working zone. Then move on to the social distractions. Let everyone around you know you’re not to be disturbed for a few hours so they don’t interrupt you all the time. Finally, if you’re in a noisy environment, put on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and listen to music that helps you focus, or wear soft silicone ear plugs if you want to work in silence.

Tip #5. Be prepared for resistance.

It’s very rare for things to run smoothly just like we’d ideally want them to. Reality is quite the opposite: when we start working on something, sooner or later we will face an obstacle that we’ll have to overcome in order to move ahead. What works best for you in these situations? It’s a good idea to plan ahead for those situations when you’re lazy, tired, or in a bad mood and nothing seems to be working.

  • How can you apply this? First, tell yourself that whatever it is you’re feeling or experiencing in a particular situation, it is an emotional reaction and it will pass. Second, resist the urge to give up doing something that you know is good for you. Just because it feels uncomfortable now doesn’t mean it won’t have a positive impact on your life. And third, make a plan A and a plan B (and even a plan C!) in case things go wrong and you need to take more time, pick another route, or contemplate an alternative solution to the problem you are trying to solve.

Tip #6. Believe in yourself.

Regardless of whether you’re a student, a parent, or working on your career, what’s most important is not just what you’re dealing with today. It’s more about the big picture of your life and what you believe you can start doing today to become the best version of yourself down the road. Instead of letting situations and external factors dictate how you will act, you’re better off taking charge of your life by first instilling a healthy dose of believing in yourself.

  • How can you apply this? First, develop a growth mindset by dismissing either your own limiting messages or the words of others dictate what you “should” excel at and what you “should” give up; chances are, you’ve been conditioned to think in this way from an early age. Second, grow your critical thinking muscle by not taking everything you see and hear for granted, and instead learning how to think on your own. And finally, turn obstacles into opportunities: instead of getting emotional when you experience a setback, work through the challenge so that you can get stronger mentally and learn to rely on yourself. When you get to that stage, you will feel much more empowered and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way.

Tip #7. Imagine what leading a self-disciplined life will afford you.

All of these ways in which you can practice self-discipline have the potential to impact your life not just in the immediate future, but also in the long term. It’s important that you make the connection between what changes you create in your life right now with the version of yourself you see in the future. That’s an excellent way to make a new habit stick. Ultimately, you need to be consistent in your efforts and to believe that you can improve your life.

  • How can you apply this? Start thinking about the big picture of your life. Although practicing self-discipline may feel like you’re sacrificing some things right now (time out with friends or indulging in a delicious dessert), think about what being disciplined can afford you. Write down a list of ways in which you are now practicing new habits that can add up to bigger results a year from now. And don’t forget the past—trust your judgment when it comes to decisions you made on how to spend your time and efforts. When you trust and believe in yourself, self-discipline will become a tool and a skill you can apply to every area of your life: your education, your career, your relationships, your passions and interests. Ultimately, it can make the difference between just leading a life, and leading the best version of your life.

Does reading a novel each day have an effect on one’s executive functions and reasoning skills?


Yes! And not only that—it actually has an effect on all brain function.

Neuroscientists from Emory University published a study in the Brain Connectivity Journal called Short and Long Term Effects of a Novel on Connectivity in the Brain.

The conclusion?

Reading fiction books improves all connectivity in the brain.

The novel that was given to students who participated in the study is Pompeii by Robert Harris, and it’s based on the real-life eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Students were instructed to read one chapter per day, which is approximately 30 pages. The experiment lasted 9 consecutive days. To monitor brain activity during both active and resting states, students had fMRI brain scans done before and after the reading sessions.

Results of the study showed the following:

  • There was increased activity in the left temporal cortex—an area of the brain associated with language learning.
  • Additionally, there was increased activity in the central sulcus of the brain—the fold in the cerebral cortex that separates the parietal lobe from the frontal lobe, and separates the sensory and motor areas of the brain.

What do these results mean?

  • Reading a book improves our ability to put ourselves in the role of another person (the main or other characters in the novel), so it’s like assuming another identity and exploring what it might be like to interact with the entire cast of characters, experience a range of different emotions, and even make decisions as that person.
  • Reading boosts brain connectivity so we perceive the body sensations of others through the “mirroring”technique, which is similar to visualization. For example, if the protagonist in the novel is running, even if we just think about that activity, this will activate our own neural networks associated with actual running—so we’ll actually “experience” the physical act.
  • The important takeaway from the study is to read fiction, specifically novels, so that we allow ourselves to become part of the story and to bond with the characters and plot in order to boost brain function. This can’t be achieved in the same way when we read non-fiction, because the goal in non-fiction isn’t necessarily to identify with others, but rather to do research and gather tips based on studies described in the book.

What do these results mean for the brain in the long term?

  • Even when they weren’t reading, students’ brains showed increased activity. Scientists call this “shadow activity”, and this activity in the brain is similar to muscle memory. Muscle memory enables us to master a difficult task through repetition and practice over time so that it becomes second nature. In other words, muscles “remember” to act a certain way that over time will not require as much strain as it did initially.
  • Improvement in brain function wasn’t limited only to the experiment period. Here’s perhaps the most fascinating part of the study. A boost in brain connectivity persisted—neural changes remained active for days after the reading assignment was over, which suggests that we can experience similar benefits even while doing other types of activities such as studying, working, learning a new skill, or problem-solving.

How can you incorporate reading fiction into your day?

  • Make it a super easy mini habit. Instead of thinking you will now have to save up money to start buying a ton of books, remember that reading can be free; simply get a library membership. To streamline the novel selection process, download the Goodreads app so you can look for book recommendations, reviews, and plot summaries.
  • Make your reading habit a pleasant ritual. That way you’ll start looking forward to it. It can be as easy as setting aside 30 minutes to an hour each evening to find a comfortable seat in your home, pick music to get in the mood, and make yourself a cup of hot chocolate or caffeine-free tea to help you relax.
  • Select a book that’s the right fit for you. If you don’t know where to begin, try going through Quora’s list of suggested literary fiction, novel recommendations. If you’re a history buff, try looking up the topic of best historical fiction books; it’s packed with excellent ideas that are certainly going to keep your mind in that curious mode you’ll want to be in as you are working on your new brain-boosting habit!

How can I make my writing better?

Here are my 5 tips.

Tip #1. Feed your curious mind.

Before you even attempt starting the writing process, it’s a good idea to think about the brain food you’ll need. What will help you select that brain food? Your curiosity! Being curious is critical to the creative process. It’s impossible to be a good writer if you’re not someone who is curious and always in learning mode. Let’s think about what being curious means in daily life. It can be trying to get to the bottom of things to understand their meaning, or finding out how something works, or observing people’s behavior, or listening to others tell stories. When you have the word why in your daily thoughts, when you try to deconstruct a concept in different ways to make it easier to understand, and when you discover more ideas along the way that need to be explored, you will know that you’re moving in the right direction.

Tip #2. Read more books.

In the pursuit of becoming a writer—which you may choose to do for pleasure or for your career—your role as a reader is often ignored and undervalued. That’s a missed opportunity. If you truly care about the act of writing and if you possess a deep love for the written word, then you should expose yourself to works of literature on a regular basis. This isn’t a vague or abstract goal. It means that you are proactive about always being in research mode, you’re discovering authors and topics they’ve written about, you’re creating lists of what to read for the month and even the year, you’re going to the library or making trips to the bookstore on a weekly basis, and then you’re devoting time to absorbing the books you’ve selected. As you’re reading, a good idea is to do it always with a pen or pencil in hand so you can take notes, write down sections you find interesting, and listing page numbers of sections you’ll want to revisit.

Tip #3. Select topics that can provide value to others.

Don’t be surprised if you experience some resistance as you’re reading this. Maybe you’re doubting yourself or even engaging in negative self-talk. It might go something like this: But I don’t have anything valuable to say! Maybe I just like writing things that are interesting to me, but are boring to other people! Instead of giving in and giving up before you’ve even begun, practice adjusting your mindset. Ask yourself, What could I write about? You may have an original idea or an in-depth look at how the human brain works. Perhaps you experienced a life-changing event that dramatically influenced the way you view your personal or professional life. Maybe you mastered a skill you find enjoyable such as practicing jiu-jitsu or playing a game of chess. The key is to become aware of the main reason why you are writing about something, and to think of an audience that could potentially benefit from what you know.

Tip #4. Create a dedicated space for your writing.

In order to make your writing habit stick, turn it into a ritual. Make sure to have a desk in a quiet corner with plenty of natural light. If you’re sensitive to noise, be sure to have noise-cancelling headphones ready and queue up several playlists to help you stay focused. Next, prep the tools of the trade: your computer, notebook, pens, highlighters, and loose leaf paper for jotting down notes quickly. You might also need reference materials such as a thesaurus. Use your phone or watch as a timer to divide up your work into segments to get more done, and don’t forget to switch the setting to silent or Airplane mode so you don’t get distracted. Finally, prep some refreshments—a thermos of hot coffee or tea, a bottle of water, and a snack such as fresh fruit, dark chocolate, or a handful of walnuts and almonds to give you energy.

Tip #5. Develop stronger self-discipline.

Here’s a habit that many famous writers—from Tolstoy to Hemingway to Stephen King—incorporated into their daily lives, which you can benefit from as well. If you are under the impression that all writers write only when they hear the call of their muse, think again. That’s not exactly how it happens! It will benefit you to understand what’s at the core of the writing process. In essence, it’s less about waiting for inspiration and more about mastery— making a continuous effort to improve your skill of writing. If you’re serious about improving this skill, then your writing needs to be a habit, a necessary part of daily life, and a dedicated time to sit down and get your work done. What does that mean? Make it a priority and not an option. Nurture your skill daily, water it like a plant, and give it plenty of space to grow. And most of all—treat your writing seriously. Make it your most important and favorite part of your day.

What are the five most important things for a woman to learn in life? (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here.

#6. Don’t automatically assume the role that others expect of you.

In most cases, expectations of male and female roles are passed on from generation to generation without a second thought. You might already be experiencing feedback from parents, neighbors, relatives, partners, even friends on what is expected of you. Maybe they were taught that girls can’t be good at math or physics, nor should study to become engineers or chemists. Or maybe they’re convinced that it’s shameful for a guy to cook a great dinner by himself or study the history of art. Instead of falling into the trap of mimicking a fixed mindset, work on developing a growth mindset. Nurture your skills and strengths, and build on them consistently so that you can master them over time. As Carol Dweck shows in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, there’s so much you can do to change your attitude and accomplish whatever you believe is important in your life.

#7. Understand the difference between liking yourself and wanting to be liked by others.

What’s the harm in wanting to be liked? Everyone feels a need to be part of a group or to belong somewhere, and being liked makes it that much easier to belong to a group of people. But constantly wanting to be liked by others is a double-edged sword. Being popular in school, for example, may sound cool to you right now—just like having thousands of Instagram followers as you’re sharing pictures and videos of your daily life. The downside is this: it can take you on a path where you become dependent on the admiration and attention of others. Did you consider what happens if that attention goes away, or when you get criticized? That’s why your top priority is to like yourself first, because that’s where your inner strength lies. Build an awareness of your core skills and strengths, know what is the value that you add to the lives of people close to you, and you’ll feel much stronger for it.

#8. Work on creating your own boundaries.

It may sounds like a negative idea at first, but understanding the concept and importance of boundaries can actually work for you as you go through life. Having boundaries in place is critical in any number of situations where people are being pushy or disrespectful of your time and space. For example, if a friend insists on hanging out but you want time to yourself, you can set boundaries by making yourself unavailable or just saying that you have other plans. If you don’t like someone taking up your time, set boundaries by telling them you’re busy and don’t have an hour to devote to them. And if someone asks you to finish up a task that is their responsibility, set boundaries by saying no firmly and tell them it’s their job and not yours. It may not feel comfortable at first, but treat it as a muscle you are building until it starts to feel more natural. Think of it this way: if you need to get your life to a better place and accomplish the goals you set for yourself, you can’t afford to spread yourself too thin. You will need both time and space to create the future you want.

#9. Build up a thick skin.

It may not be the easiest thing in the world to do, but developing a thick-skin definitely helps us to deal with the negativity that we will inevitably face at many points in our life. This especially applies to criticism which can come from where you least expect it—people closest to you, including family and friends. It can also apply to negative feedback you’ll most certainly receive at work or school, because nobody is exempted from it. So what does developing a thick skin entail? It doesn’t mean removing all emotions and being nonchalant about whatever people say. It’s more about learning to expect criticism, instead of taking it personally and as an attack on you by someone who wishes you harm. If you learn to expect criticism, it won’t faze you much when you actually do receive it. How can you do this? Pay close attention to how the message is delivered. Constructive criticism is when someone suggests that you do something in a different way, which means it can work to your advantage. Conversely, if someone is “negging” you—making a negative comment disguised as a compliment—see it as destructive behavior and let the person know that you won’t put up with it.

#10. Build a strong sense of self-respect.

Sounds like such an obvious thing, but it’s not as common as it should be. And this is not gender-specific, of course—whether you’re male or female, it’s important to respect yourself. What does respecting yourself mean? It can mean you should respect your time because it’s a precious commodity and you need to value it. It can mean you should respect all of your efforts that you put into school, work, and building your relationships. It can mean respecting the knowledge you have acquired over time because it shows an investment you made in yourself, or respecting your values because they build the core of who you are, or respecting the goals that you believe are important in your self-development. In a nutshell—don’t take your self for granted. Value who you are, what you’ve accomplished, and who you are becoming. Always remind yourself of how long it took to get here, and be proud of your achievements, both large and small, as you’re working towards becoming that best version of yourself.