What are 5 things you should say NO to in the morning?

I’m sure you have read all kinds of articles offering advice on morning routines. When to wake up. How much work to do. How to keep yourself entertained (or focused) on your commute. Podcast lists. Spotify lists. To-do lists. Meal prep. Writing in your journal. The list goes on and on. But did you ever consider what are some things you should not do as soon as you wake up?

Maybe it’s a good way to reframe your mindset.

Here are 5 things to say NO to in the morning.

1. Giving in to a state of anxiety and panic.

Many people open their eyes and immediately start listing all the things they have to do on that day. That type of mental “chatter” seems to be the brain’s default response to waking up. And of course the list feels endless — not to mention unrealistic. After all, you only have a certain amount of waking hours to get it all done, right? Next thing you know, you’re feeling overwhelmed with all those thoughts about the dreaded list. And feeling overwhelmed won’t help in any way, so it’s best to come up with a strategy for setting goals.

Instead of giving in to this state of mind, DO ask yourself one question first thing: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? It will help your brain prioritize and identify one goal or task that’s the most important. To make this easier to do, write the question on a large sheet of paper and put it somewhere you can immediately see when you wake up.

2. Reaching for the phone to start checking your social media apps.

The list of social media apps is getting longer over the years. You probably know your top 3-5 apps. It’s not just Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook any more. It can be reading other sources of news, playing games, or scrolling through Reddit. One thing you’re forgetting is a valuable resource that’s at its peak around this time, and that is your willpower. And you choose this time to scroll through Instagram! You’re better off using this time of day in a more efficient way.

Instead of repeating the same habit, DO give yourself time to ease into the day. This may be taking the time to do a 5-minute meditation, writing in your journal, watering the plants, taking your dog out for a walk, or turning on music to add some energy and perk you up.

3. Beginning the day on an empty stomach.

Unless you’re doing intermittent fasting, starting the day without any type of fuel won’t give you the energy you need. And it’s not only about addressing your stomach. Think about what your brain needs — like your stomach, it also needs food. Actually, the brain of an average adult consumes about 20 percent of the body’s total energy — which you mostly get from the food you eat. If you don’t eat, your brain won’t have the energy it needs to function properly and be productive.

Instead of skipping your fuel, DO start the day with breakfast. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or big. Try oatmeal with fresh fruit or yogurt with a combination of fruit, walnuts, and granola. An egg or two is another good option; eggs contain B vitamins, antioxidants (which protect neurons against damage), and omega-3 fatty acids to keep nerve cells functioning at optimal speed. If you’re fine with caffeine, it’s a perfect time for that first cup of coffee or tea to get you going.

4. Wasting time on things that don’t need your full focus and attention.

Consider for a minute what are the types of activities you typically perform before noon. You might be listening to the news, tidying up your home, chatting with or texting friends. It could also be spending a lot of time packing up what you need for work or school or agonizing over which outfit to wear. But what you’re not giving your brain is what it needs at that time — the opportunity to do deep, focused, uninterrupted work such as reading, writing, coding, analyzing, critical thinking, and problem solving.

Instead of wasting time, DO take advantage of your brain’s peak performance hours which are around 2–4 hours after you wake up. If you wake up at 6, your peak time for complex cognitive tasks is between 8 and 10. Another bonus is that when you get that tough cognitive work out of the way, you’ll feel more accomplished and ready to relax when you really need to.

5. Staying indoors all morning.

There’s so much goodness from giving yourself some time in the sun, even if the weather is overcast. Think of it as spending a few minutes absorbing daylight, much like plants do. Getting some sun exposure will allow your body to naturally produce vitamin D, which is important for optimal brain function. Vitamin D helps the brain through its anti-inflammatory and immune-boosting properties. Additionally, studies have shown it protects agains dementia by helping to break down Alzheimer’s disease-related proteins and enhancing blood flow to the brain.

Instead of being indoors all morning, DO schedule a short walk or run early when the sun comes up. Your mornings are super busy? It doesn’t have to take a long time. You can set the timer on your mobile phone to go off anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes. When you’re moving, you’ll also get the additional benefit of producing more endorphins — those happy hormones we all need more of!

I struggle with being consistent. How can I be consistent every day?

Create a life in which you practice very small habits as a way to build your self-discipline.

This means practice every day.

This means don’t put things off any more.

This means show up for yourself, respect your time, be focused on an important goal.

How can you do that?

#1. Take ownership of your day.

Instead of waiting to respond to external factors (work or school assignments, a task given by your manager, other chores given by family members), take the day into your hands by asking one question that I use to start my mornings: “What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?” This technique will train your brain to start evaluating the goals that are important to you right now and prioritize one goal that needs immediate attention.

How can you do this?

Write it down on a sheet of paper and hang it on a wall in your home. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then take action: focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.

#2. Instead of putting off work, attack it immediately.

It’s not unusual to feel a sense of overwhelm because there are so many things you need to do, from small everyday chores and tasks to working on a large project. Of course, your first response can be to delay doing anything (because it’s hard to decide what to do and in what order), which translates into a bad habit of procrastinating. What you’re actually doing is ignoring your willpower reserves; they’re at their highest peak early and then taper on as the day progresses. The solution? Do not delay what you know you’ll have to do anyway.

How can you do this?

Once you’ve established your top priority, work on it as early in the day as possible. I try to start right around breakfast time. It can be a small thing that I can do in 30 minutes but I’ve been avoiding all week. Sometimes it’s even shorter and can be completed in 10 minutes, but it feels unlpleasant and a chore. That doesn’t matter. Set the timer for 10, 15, or 30 minutes and work on it right now. And the benefit? Feeling that you accomplished something important so early will set the tone to the rest of the day.

#3. Don’t complicate new habits.

Let’s imagine a scenario in which you neglected yourself, for example you’ve been saying you’ll make healthier meals or work out regularly, but life gets in the way so the new habit never begins. Why would you avoid something that you know will most likely have positive results? Maybe it’s the way you think about the habit — it’s going to be difficult to do it, you cannot find the time, you’re preparing for exams so you can’t think about meal prepping right now, and so on. But are those thoughts really true? Or are you just setting it up to make it easier on yourself to delay some more? Maybe the simple answer is this: you complicate the habit to the point that it sounds like it’s going to be excruciating to do. Simplifying it is a better solution.

How can you do this?

A good first step is to stop telling yourself that practicing self-control is self-punishment. It may feel unnatural at first to tackle a new habit like running early in the morning, but you’re not a child being told what to do. You are making decisions for yourself and your well-being. And you are taking charge of your life. Do you see the difference, that shift in your attitude? It is one of the most important changes you will make that will allow you to stay focused. Another thing that is helpful is to break down something hard into manageable increments. One hour at the gym sounds like torture, but what about a 20-minute workout at home? If that’s too long, how about you do two short workouts or walks of 10 minutes each? Make the task as easy to do as possible.

#4. Be more deliberate in avoiding distractions.

Yes, we may all have cell phones and use social media accounts to be informed, stay in touch with friends, and experience something funny, beautiful, or fascinating. But at the end of the day, social media is more of a distraction and less of a proactive experience. If you find yourself spending hours on Tik Tok or YouTube, maybe it’s a good idea to ask yourself a few questions. What do I like to watch the most? How much time do I spend each day on this? When I’m done, how do I feel? What do I want to get out of this experience? Very often we go to our apps to distract ourselves from work, or to make time go by more quickly as we’re waiting in a long line at the post office. The question is this — will you remember everything you’ve seen today one year from now? And if you won’t, is there something better you can do with your time? In other words, minimize what distracts you to take charge of your time.

How can you do this?

If you feel anxiety, dread or overwhelm after spending time reading news on Twitter, you have to acknowledge these feelings. If an action doesn’t add value to your life (or even reduces the quality of your emotions and your thoughts), do you need it? Eliminate what doesn’t make sense to keep any more. Set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus. Don’t let other people’s schedules and priorities take over your own; let others know that you are working and won’t allow interruptions. Check email and social media apps only in the afternoon and evening, and set your timer so you’re aware at all times how many minutes you’re dedicating to these activities.

#5. Keep a self-discipline journal.

Since you are making a lot of changes in the way you think and organize your days, a good idea is to document these changes. When you write things down, your brain can focus better to sort through new information, prioritize, make decisions, and plan out what needs to be done. In addition, when you have words written down on paper, it will feel like more of a commitment you are making towards your future. It’s important to mark your progress in all these areas so you can track everything, including your thoughts and mood.

How can you do this?

Dedicate one notebook to this activity. For each day’s entry, write down several prompts that you can answer on that day. Here are a few suggestions: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? How will I distribute the work morning/afternoon/evening (create a plan)? What went well today, and what didn’t (why)? What is one obstacle I can remove or reduce tomorrow?

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✏️🗓 If you are interested in self-discipline, head over to this page to read about a packet (e-book + journal) I put together to help you build and maintain a self-disciplined lifestyle.

Turn Monday into a distraction-free zone

It’s a new week and you’re back to the grind. School, work, family responsibilities, and that busy commute that promises to derail your day, again. Finally, you sit down to start working. But something catches your eye, and next thing your brain wants to do anything but work. This can happen for a number of reasons.

You’re working on something but find it hard to focus.

You don’t feel motivated to complete a task.

You’re overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do.

You’re stressed out about something.

You’re avoiding doing something.

You feel time will go by much faster if you distract yourself.

You’re bored.

You don’t enjoy what you’re doing.

You don’t understand the value of your work.

You feel there’s plenty of time to catch up.

Sound familiar?

If you can relate to at least one of those statements, you’re pretty much a normal human being. The key to making a change is to understand the real reason for allowing yourself to be distracted on a regular basis. But this is not easy. There is something really uncomfortable about being honest with yourself and addressing the real reason WHY you do this. But when you figure it out, you’re on the right path to solving the problem that is ultimately very expensive. Why? Because distractions will cost you at least three things: time, energy, and focus.

Less time in your day. Tasks will take much longer than they need to and you’ll realize you’re constantly running out of time. You can’t manage to relax, hang out with friends, and do things outside of work and study. You’ll find yourself frazzled and overwhelmed with the amount of work you need to do.

Less energy to get things done. All these distractions you pay attention to also take energy away from you. You may feel mentally exhausted going back and forth between what distracts you and what you need to do, which can also feel like physical exhaustion at times.

Less focus on what matters. By now you’ve realized that multitasking doesn’t really work: you start a task, then the phone rings, then a family member or roommate calls you to help them with something. All this comes at a price. Scientists say that it takes the average person about 20 minutes to regain focus after a single distraction. Now multiply that by 4, 5, or 6 times this happens in one hour!

How can you do something different this Monday and go distraction-free?

#1. Visualize what you need to do.

This is a technique called building a mental model; you imagine in detail what you expect to see, learn, read, or do. It will require some imagination because you’ll imagine all the specific steps you will cover. For example, if you are studying new material in school, take a few minutes to visualize covering certain chapters, taking notes on important concepts, writing questions you will follow up on later. What’s the benefit? By telling yourself a story, you train your brain to anticipate next steps and map out the entire learning process in a way that’s easier to understand.

#2. Turn off whatever distracts you.

It’s really hard to focus on what we are currently doing because our attention moves to little things we notice around us. But when you turn off what distracts you, you have a better chance to actually do what’s important. You can try a few strategies. First, set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus or just turn off the volume and place it away from your desk. Next, let people around you know you won’t be available in the next few hours. Check your email and social media apps at specific intervals 2–3 times a day (the earliest should be around lunchtime, not as soon as you open your eyes in the morning). Avoid browsing the Internet or reading the daily news. Close all tabs in your browser.

#3. Reduce the noise.

If you live in a noisy environment, it pays off to invest in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones. You don’t have to listen to your neighbors argue, or the guy down the street use the lawnmower for hours. That’s not even mentioning a family member who likes to watch TV with the volume on full blast! Instead, you can listen to music that can help you relax and improve your focus (it can be classical music, a relaxing playlist of chillout tunes, or even sounds of nature). And what if you don’t want to listen to music at all? Get a pair of soft silicone ear plugs and work in silence.

#4. Use a timer to work more efficiently.

There is no need to punish yourself by spending hours in endless studying or working without taking a single break. If you do, you will likely lose focus as well as motivation to continue. Learn how to manage your time better with a timer. When you’re ready to work, set your timer to 30 minutes. What’s the benefit? Your brain can focus in a more targeted and effective way, so it’ll be easier to work through a session once you know it’s only a limited period of time. If you want to set up even shorter working sessions, try the Pomodoro technique which consists of 25 minute blocks. Be sure to take frequent breaks of around 5-15 minutes between sessions.

#5. Calm your busy mind.

When you pay attention to distractions like noise from the street, an incoming phone call from a friend, or a YouTube video you want to watch, your mind feels busier than it needs to be. Instead of adding to the clutter, try practicing the 4–7–8 breathing exercise. It will help you quiet down the mental chatter and anxiety that comes with thinking about many things at once. First, close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a count of 4; hold your breath for a count of 7; exhale through your mouth loudly to a count of 8; repeat the cycle four times.

What are three small rituals that can add goodness to your day?

You know the drill.

You wake up to an alarm, maybe hit the snooze button once or twice, then get up and start getting ready for the day. From that moment on, it’s a rush from breakfast-making to commuting to school or work, then back home to make dinner, watch the same TV shows, check news on Twitter, scroll through Tok Tok videos, and before you know it, it’s time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed. Days blend into weeks, which turn into months. Every day starts the same way and ends the same way. This of course does not make you feel like you are progressing, moving, growing. And it’s no wonder if you feel despondent about it and lose motivation to jump out of bed in the morning.

How can you get out of that vicious cycle?

You can create small rituals that make you happy and that you can practice every day, for a few minutes at a time.

Think of them as small rituals of goodness.

I’ll give 3 examples of a few rituals I practice in the morning.

Example #1. Expressing gratitude.

Here’s why it’s important.

I remember one sentence Tony Robbins said that has made a big impact on me: “Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant!” He’s absolutely right. Here’s an example. We start our day usually rushed, with a thousand thoughts running through our mind. Things we need to do, things others want us to do, things that have to be completed, things we expect we will do on time. These are all expectations. And none of this self-talk really makes us feel happy about starting the day. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. We feel stressed out, we’re overwhelmed by the volume of tasks, and we may feel resentful if a friend tells us they’re taking the day or a week off to just relax and go on vacation.

But what if instead of all that thinking, we make one switch and instead of expecting the day to go a certain way, we stop and say thank you for the things we have going for us right now? I’ve added this ritual to my morning routine and it takes about 3 minutes. It’s changed the quality of my life dramatically by improving my mood, making me slow down, helping me focus on what I have (instead of what I don’t), and giving me a feeling that things are going well.

Here’s what I do.

I usually sit on the floor, close my eyes, and think of 3–5 things that I am grateful for. It can be waking up to a sunny morning and hearing the birds outside, or having a great conversation with someone the previous day, or even having one hour to myself to read my book. It is quiet time to reflect on everything that is positive, no matter how small it is. This helps me slow down and frame the day in a better light.

Example #2. Reading books.

Here’s why it works for me.

It’s such a simple thing, but it’s one habit I’ve had consistently since I was little. I like getting lost in books, and I like finding myself in them. If it’s fiction, then I explore a culture and befriend the characters, try to understand what makes them the way they are, and follow along often impatiently, waiting to see what happens next. And if it’s non-fiction, then I’m writing down ideas of how I can apply what I read into my daily life, personal goals, my professional life. Books are such an integral part of my life that I cannot imagine being without them. They are my strength and my beacon, they satisfy my thirst for learning, and they’re a way to pursue whatever keeps me curious about life.

Here’s how to incorporate a reading ritual.

I recommend downloading the Goodreads app — it’s the easiest way to stay consistent with your reading habit. It will help you discover new books and authors based on your personal preferences, and you can read short summaries to check if it’s something you want to read. Set aside one block of time every day even if it is only 30 minutes when you know you won’t need to rush to classes, meetings, or errands. Mark the time on your calendar. When the scheduled reading time rolls around, get away from your computer, make yourself a cup of coffee or tea, get some good chocolate or a snack, pick relaxing music to listen to, and have your headphones ready.

Example #3. Drinking a cup of strong, hot coffee.

Here’s why I do it.

My preference is coffee, but for other people the ritual is drinking tea. For me, drinking coffee is a ritual I indulge in for pleasure but also for the benefits. If it’s a cup I have in the morning, it helps to wake me up and gives me energy, especially before I start to write. And if it’s later in the day, coffee becomes part of my afternoon ritual along with dark chocolate or some fresh fruit. It’s my way of telling myself that I worked hard since early morning and it is now time for a well-deserved break.

Here’s how to start the ritual.

It’s not just the drinking of the coffee itself that makes up the ritual. The act of preparation is just as important, if not more relaxing! Everyone has their preferred method of coffee-making, from using a French press to filtering coffee and stirring it bit by bit. I have a Nespresso machine and a frother to make a double macchiato, which is espresso with foam. I also like to make it in a more traditional style, with freshly ground beans and a filter; for this, I use Lavazza or Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee. The ritual of making coffee in the morning is a good way to ease into the day and is something to look forward to when you wake up. Nothing beats that lingering scent of coffee combined with fresh orange juice in the morning!

Question of the day: What is the ONE THING you commit to completing today?

It’s Monday. The new week is just beginning. Maybe you’re already out the door, going to work or school. Or maybe you started the morning by hitting that snooze button one too many times, and now you’re running late. In other words, it’s yet another Monday.

The question is this: can you make this Monday different?

When you ask yourself this simple question, you are training your brain to get real instead of setting unrealistic expectations to complete a million things in the next 12 to 16 hours.

Asking yourself this question has quite a few benefits, too.

• It simplifies your decision-making process. The brain functions so much better when it’s not bogged down with evaluating priorities, considering the pros and cons, and going back and forth on small things that can be a huge waste of time. If you have to make a choice on something, you should do it as early in the day as possible.
• It taps into your willpower when it’s at its peak. We all have only a finite amount of willpower that we can distribute on what we want to do each day. It’s not negotiable. So, in order to maximize it, it’s best to have a plan of attack early in the morning so you know exactly where to focus your energies, and why.
• It encourages being strategic. In order to accomplish something that is of value to you, you’ll need to assess what needs to be completed (what the real priority is at the moment). Maybe you know there’s a deadline at work for one project that you can’t delay any longer, and asking the question will push to you think about what you need to do for the next two hours.
• It keeps you focused. Once you ask the question, you’re much less likely to give a frivolous answer, and instead you’ll push yourself to be honest about what’s most important to you. Maybe until today you didn’t give it a lot of time or maybe you procrastinated on something until the last minute, but that’s over now. It’s time for action.
• It boosts critical-thinking skills. By posing the question to yourself, you’ll come up with a few scenarios of what the answer might be. Maybe it’s just starting a difficult task you’ve been avoiding, or maybe it’s giving another go at solving a problem that’s been on your mind for days. Either way, you’ll need to assess why and how you’ll proceed before you come up with an answer, which should keep your brain alert and focused to function optimally the rest of the day.

Go ahead — ask yourself the question out loud. Give yourself a moment or two to think it over. Give an answer, yes — out loud too (after all, it’s only you listening in!). Then get after it.

Wishing you a happy Monday!

What makes a habit effective?

Repetition.

To form habits (also to change them), you need to repeat a certain behavior, preferably every day. Of course, this will take some time. Habits are not formed overnight.

Your brain also needs to be on board with the habit (or habit change) you are attempting. When you start practicing a new habit, your brain will resist at first. Why do you want to get up so early? We like it here in this warm bed! Why don’t you have another slice of apple pie? It tastes so good and you deserve it after working so hard.

And don’t forget what your role is in all this — that voice of yours that starts having expectations that the habit has to start smoothly and that you’ll see results quickly, then the feeling of disappointment and frustration when you don’t achieve everything at once. I have to lose 10 pounds in one month. I must quit smoking right now. I have to write a novel while I’m on vacation. I need to read one book a day.

How do you achieve repetition and make realistic changes every day?

It will help if you:

Make your habit simple.

In fact, so simple that all you should do is start with tiny steps. Do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes this month. Find a breakfast idea that’s healthy and simple to execute in 5 minutes or less. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book, even if that means reading ten pages.

Do it as early in the day as possible.

We all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day, so if you want to focus on your top priority — your new habit — work on it early. Practice a new skill before lunchtime while you’re still energized and focused. If you’re focused on creativity, practice sketching or painting or writing for one hour. Don’t leave these activities for late at night when you might feel exhausted from the day.

Don’t do it just once a week.

Why not? Sporadic repetition is less likely to make a habit stick. Your brain will start thinking this is an optional activity, not a necessary one. You’ll get better results if you start doing it more frequently so you brain gets accustomed to it and eventually adopts the new behavior as a regular part of the day. How can you do this? Schedule it in a daily planner or add it to your mobile phone monthly calendar, then set a notification to remind you an hour or two ahead of time when to start.

Always remind yourself that your habit is a choice and not punishment.

When you start doing something different, always ask yourself, Why am I doing this? What will this new behavior afford me? It’s important to stay connected to the initial reason for picking the new habit. Maybe you want to work out to improve your health and lose weight. Or maybe you want to work on creative skills like bread-making or playing guitar. Think about how you’ll feel after you’ve succeeded in making this habit a part of your everyday life. Choosing a positive behavior will make you feel stronger, more powerful, and more proactive.

When things get tough, resist the urge to quit.

The writer Seth Godin said, Never quit something with great long-term potential just because you can’t deal with the stress of the moment. Stop for a minute and be aware of the stress you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. If keeping a new habit is stressing you out, figure out why. It’s not easy to eat healthy meals if your family binges on pizza every night. Or, it’s tough to accept that you’re not the fittest, most productive, or well-read person in your social circle. That’s still OK. Fight the urge to give up when things get tough. Know the difference between what feels hard right now and what’s good for you in the long run. Keep your eyes straight ahead, one day — one habit — one step at a time.

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Did you find this answer helpful? Follow me on Medium for more posts on building positive habits and instilling self-discipline.

How can I increase my self-discipline?

Excellent question!

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you already are self-disciplined in some areas of your life. Maybe you have your breakfast at the same time each morning, or you set aside a few hours last night to prepare for an important work meeting. The question is how important is self-discipline to you, and what are some ways to boost it in your daily life.

I found it helpful to think of it like this: you can increase self-discipline if you:

Limit your excuses. It’s something we all do. There isn’t enough time in the day, I woke up too late, I need to treat myself after a long day at work. If you want to get serious about self-discipline, treat your excuses as your enemy. They are what’s standing between you and taking action, between you and seeing results. Are they really worth it? Identify what is preventing you from moving forward and assess whether that reason is big enough (or important enough) to derail your day. Once you make the time to look at your excuse calmly and rationally, you’ll figure out how to reduce it and pay less attention to it.

Find a SME (subject matter expert). This can be anyone, from someone you know in your social network to a well-known person like a podcast host, public speaker, or athlete. The key to finding the right SME is to look for someone whose traits, habits, and lifestyle you admire. It should be someone who is a thought leader, someone who has achieved mastery in their field, and someone who has more experience under their belt. Then start reading and listening to what they have to say. Subscribe to their blog, Twitter account, Quora profile, or podcast — and follow what they say every day. By absorbing their learnings and life experience, you’ll set yourself up to get on the same path.

Identify what you want and write it down. More often than not, we make grand statements like, I want to have a million dollars or I want to be an expert in my field or I want to win this competition. But those statements are too abstract; it’s as if we are chasing a vague image that’s somewhere on the horizon, but we don’t actually know what it is. Make your goals reachable by tightening them up. Start with a list where you brainstorm all the possibilities. Be as specific as possible. If you want a higher-paying job, write down the role you want and a specific number for a salary (“I want to work as a senior data analyst at company X and earn an annual income of… “). If you want to get fit and lose weight, write down what that will take (“I want to lose 20 pounds by October, which means I’ll change my diet and work out Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.”).

Start small. If you are feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things you need to do to reach a goal, you’re not alone. Most of us feel this way. This is why it is so important to start the journey with a very small habit — the smaller it is, the greater the chance it will stick. A good way to do this is to select one of the goals from your list and start there. This doesn’t mean you’ll ignore everything else, but rather that you’re helping your brain focus on the goal most important to you right now. Next, find a small block of time where you’ll do something to get you moving in the direction of the goal. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, start by turning on the timer for 15 minutes and going outside for a brisk walk around your neighborhood.

Turn your timer into your best self-discipline tool. Locate the timer on your mobile phone (usually it’s in the built-in clock app). Or, get a multi-timer app which you can customize for different recurring habits (working out, meal prep, house chores, reading, cooking, etc.). Make it a point never to start working on anything without setting a timer. It’s an excellent tool to keep you focused, better manage your time, strategize the day by prioritizing tasks, and even help you feel more relaxed and less worried about “all that work you must do.” Have to clean the house? Set the timer for 15 minutes and see how much you can do in one go. Want to review for your exam? Set the timer for 25 minutes (that’s the length of one Pomodoro session), then take a break.

Keep the same schedule every day. You won’t achieve greater self-discipline if you work early one day, then leave the same work for the evening of the next day. If you’re going to build better habits and make them stick, train your brain to do the same type of work at the same time. Learn more about the circadian rhythm (our natural biorhythm) to maximize your morning, afternoon, and evening. For example, most people reach their peak cognitive performance up to 4 hours after waking up, which may be the best time for complex cognitive activities like studying, reading, writing, and problem-solving. If you typically spend mornings answering emails, you may want to rethink how you’re using that time and if you can save email checking for later in the day.

Track everything in a bullet journal. It’s one thing to say you’re making progress on a goal or improving a habit. But how do you actually know that you are? Let’s say that three years from today you’ll find yourself struggling to make progress on a goal very similar to the one you’re working on right now. Wouldn’t it be great if the recipe for success were right there, written out like a formula in a notebook? That’s where the bullet journal comes in handy. It is a dedicated journal where you track what you’re doing every day. You can create a monthly and weekly grid, and then map out your time into the smallest increments (hourly or less). This is something you can prepare for the month ahead on a Saturday morning before the new month begins. When you have your plan written out, all you need to do is stick to it, mark everything, and even jot down a few notes on what went well that day, or what didn’t go as planned. That way you are documenting every step to learn from it, and to show your future self how exactly to achieve the result you want.

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⏱🏃🏾‍♂️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.

How can I condition my brain to bring self-discipline?

Make a commitment to yourself that this time you will actually take action.

And I don’t mean say a few words and then see what happens. I mean be very methodical about it. Your commitment should happen on three levels:

Level 1. Be honest with yourself. Ask, What’s in this for me? If I persevere, what are the specific benefits I will have? Understanding the reason for doing something differently is key. You need to get your brain on board that this habit change is a positive one.

Level 2. Narrow it down. Identify one area of your life where you’d like to see more improvement. Then write it down in one sentence. For example:

• I’d like to be able to focus better on my studies or my work.
• I’d like to spend less time scrolling through on Twitter.
• I’d like to start going to bed early instead of staying up all night.

Level 3. Do the actual work. Here are 5 examples of how I train my brain to be more self-disciplined.

✅ I start each day by making one important decision.

Other than making my bed (the quickest and easiest way to accomplish something fast), I can set the tone to my day by taking ownership of what I’m going to do with the next 12–16 hours of my life. To do this, I start my day with one question: “What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?” This technique trains my brain to evaluate the goals that are important to me right now, and forces me to prioritize one goal that needs attention immediately. I give myself the time to think about what’s important, instead of letting other people or situations prioritize my day.

What are the steps?

Write the question in big letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action: focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.

✅ I do the hard work first.

I wasn’t born self-disciplined. For me, just like for you and everyone else, it takes time, effort, and practice. The habits that I’m practicing now weren’t habits I had when I was younger. Many of them are new behaviors I’ve been practicing only the past few years of my life. I remember that for the longest time, my typical day would start with checking email and Twitter on my phone, followed by exchanging text messages back and forth with people. In retrospect, I see what a waste of time it was! Over the years, I realized that mornings are actually the ideal time of day to get the hardest work out of the way. By doing so, I stopped dreading all the work I knew I needed to do, and it freed up the rest of the day for other more pleasant activities.

What are the steps?

Rule #1: put away your phone. Do whatever you need so you can ignore it successfully: set it to Airplane mode, turn off the volume, put it on a table farther away face down, or place it in your backpack or jacket pocket. Then, make the most of your mornings by taking advantage of your brain’s peak performance time which happens 2-4 hours after you wake up. Use the time for complex cognitive tasks that require the most concentration, such as reading, writing, coding, analyzing, critical thinking, or problem solving.

✅ I treat every new habit as a choice, not a punishment.

I’ve been a night owl for as long as I can remember. Nighttime was my ideal time to read, write, study. Then things got much worse in graduate school, where I would stay up most nights catching up on assignments and grading homework of my students. This habit left me feeling sluggish and without energy to do anything extraordinary — something that I truly wanted. I wanted to do work I’d be proud of later in my life. I didn’t know it at the time, but my brain would have thrived if I just went to bed earlier to give it a chance to recuperate, consolidate new information, and make things easier to remember. A few years ago I decided to put a stop to my nighttime habits and discovered how to transform my morning hours into the best time of the day.

What are the steps?

The first step is to change the way you look at new habits. Instead of thinking of them as some sort of self-punishment where you’ll have to give up on something you care about (in my case, giving up on staying awake all night so I could read and write), start telling yourself what this new habit will afford you (for me, this meant finishing up a cognitive task in less time when my brain could focus better). And step two? Implement the change in small increments. Set a bedtime alarm to go off 30 minutes before you want to sleep then wrap up whatever you’re currently doing. If your goal is to get fit, schedule a daily mini-workout at home for 15 minutes, instead of telling yourself you must be at the gym for two hours. The more you simplify the new habit, the greater the chance it will stick.

✅ I don’t underestimate the power of distractions.

I’ll start by saying this: I love my iPhone. It plays my morning alarm so I can wake up to music, it monitors my sleep cycle each night so I know that I’m getting enough sleep, it allows me to listen to podcasts and audio books as I’m walking or driving, and of course it helps me stay in touch with people. But what about my Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube notifications? If I kept them turned on throughout the day, I’d be staring at that small screen and it would literally rule my life. That’s why I do a major clean up in my settings: I turn off all notifications, switch off the volume so I don’t hear each email as it arrives in my inbox, and use the timer to monitor how long it takes me to do things.

What are the steps?

Start with your phone. Set it to Airplane mode when you need to focus, especially in the morning when you’re doing deep work. Next, let people around you — family members, friends, roommates, co-workers — know you won’t be available in those few hours because you are working on a cognitive task that requires your full focus. Check your email and social media apps 2–3 times a day, instead of 20–30 times a day. Make a commitment to yourself that you’ll avoid browsing the Internet or scrolling through your social media apps when you’re working or studying. Close all tabs in your browser to avoid temptations to do a Google search or look up YouTube videos.

✅ I try to manage my thoughts better.

If you have random thoughts bouncing around in your head all day long (from analyzing a current problem to worrying about the future or dwelling on the past), you’re like me and everyone else on this planet. It’s pretty common. When I started doing more research on why this happens, I soon realized that brain chatter is not anything unusual, but that it can be controlled. I started incorporating small daily habits to manage my thoughts better by working out regularly, focusing on deep breathing, doing a short meditation practice, and switching to a growth mindset.

What are the steps?

Start your mornings with a short workout of about 15 minutes (yoga, HIIT training, or a brisk walk). Try some deep breathing, which is simple: Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7, exhale completely through your mouth to a count of 8. Repeat the cycle four times. If you’d like to try meditation, download the Headspace app for a free 10-minute guided session to jumpstart your day or help you fall asleep faster at night. And if you’re curious about building a growth mindset, read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset to learn how mindsets can be adapted to accommodate our needs as we grow into adulthood.

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✏️📚 If you found this answer useful, browse my blog for more resources on practicing self-discipline like a journal, e-book with tips and question prompts, and more.

How does discipline differ from punishment?

Excellent question!

Punishment is a penalty imposed by someone in a position of authority as a response to another person’s action or behavior that is considered undesirable or unacceptable.

For most of us, it’s likely that this word reminds us of childhood and being punished by parents for breaking things in the house, not cleaning up our room, getting a bad grade in school, and so on. If you were to ask many parents, in this “traditional” sense they saw discipline as a learning tool to correct their children’s behavior, which was often administered as either physical punishment (spanking), verbal punishment (yelling or belittling), isolating the child (being sent to their room), or giving children chores like mowing the lawn or washing dishes.

As adults, on the other hand, we hear the word discipline as something that is self-imposed — often as the concept of self-discipline. Because we’re used to linking the word discipline with punishment, we may immediately think this is something harsh, unnecessary, and extreme. That’s why many people don’t like to explore this concept and how they could benefit from it.

Self-discipline is the ability to control yourself and work hard or behave in a particular way without needing someone else tell you what to do. Rather than a punishment that is linked to an undesirable behavior and needs to be imposed for a limited time, self-discipline is a broader concept. It is a skill, a lifestyle, an attitude, and a mindset. We can practice it for as long as we want, in any way we want, and in any area of life we choose (personal or professional) so that it can help us get from point A to point B. And not only that: it can make our goals feel real, not abstract. Close, not far away. Achievable, not unrealistic.

In summary, self-discipline can give us freedom to design the life we want for ourselves instead of going aimlessly from day to day, month to month, year to year, without an idea of what we’re supposed to do and why.

It can be achieved in many ways. Some examples include:

• Starting your day with a question to boost focus: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?
• Doing deep work in the first 2–4 hours after waking up: these can be complex cognitive tasks like studying, reading, problem-solving.
• Making it a goal to do the hard work first, then reward yourself later (a.k.a. practice the Marshmallow experiment).
• Eliminating distractions and don’t let social media run your life.
• Practicing a growth mindset way of thinking to continuously challenge yourself to learn something new and get better at skills every day .

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📖✏️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.

Everyone says one should follow their dreams. But what should I do if I don’t know what I want to achieve?

If you ask me, I don’t believe “one should follow their dreams” is useful advice.

It’s generic. It’s abstract. And most likely, it’s something people hear other people say and then repeat it. The advice doesn’t pertain to you specifically, or to your life situation, or to the things you deeply care about.

Going down the path of talking about dreams when it comes to the rest of your life is a tricky thing. Why? Because dreams could be anything that comes from your subconscious (the dreams you experience when you’re sleeping) or your imagination (daydreaming of an ideal scenario in the distant future that gives you pleasure). The thing to keep in mind is that your dreams may change, they may fluctuate over time as you grow up, and may take a back seat as you’re trying to figure out how to pass exams, graduate from school, get a job. Priorities, responsibilities, and daily tasks can easily take over.

In contrast, when you say that you don’t know what you want to achieve, it’s not a question of dreaming — it’s about a lack of goals. And here’s where things get more interesting. This is a topic that’s much more tangible and real. Why? Because goals have the potential to change your entire life if you know how to set them. A goal is a conscious effort you make over an extended period of time to achieve a specific end result. The key here is in setting a goal that is specific, realistic, attainable, and the right fit for you — not a replica of a goal set by other people like your friends, parents, grandparents, cousins, teachers, or anyone else in your social circle.

Instead of thinking about following your dreams, it’s a better use of your time to figure out which goals are beneficial for the future version of you.

To do that, you can:

👉🏾 Think about what you want your future life to be.

Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:

• Where do you want to be 1, 5, or even 10 years from now? Don’t think only geography and economy of your country, but more in terms of personal development and skill level.
• Who do you want to become in your career — a leader, CEO of a startup, data analyst in a Fortune 500 company, innovator, scientist, entrepreneur?
• What is your ideal scenario — living a life in a big city or smaller town, becoming an expert at something, managing your own business, traveling frequently for work or staying mostly at home, leading an active social life or having a smaller circle of friends?

👉🏾 Create a specific goal instead of thinking in an abstract way.

Don’t just stop at dreaming and wishing a certain lifestyle for yourself. If you’re stuck in the imaginary world, your brain won’t know what to focus on and how to take action on an idea you’re thinking about.

• Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job, or move out of my parents’ house, or get fit, or have a large salary.
• Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you want to get a job of your dreams, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills + new skills you’re working on].

👉🏾 Tell yourself that what you decide to do is a personal choice, not an obligation.

• Say, “I really want to see myself succeed at this!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you’re reacting to things or you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
• Remind yourself of the reason for your decision by asking, “Why am I choosing this goal?” Make the connection with the initial wishes and dreams you had for yourself at the beginning. It can be passing all exams so you can graduate from college, start your own business, earn a promotion that will help you save up more money to purchase a home, etc.

👉🏾 Make your goal actionable.

Set aside one hour after dinner tonight to create a plan of action that will make your goals more tangible and real.

• Select your top 3 personal goals. They can be anything you’ve been dreaming about for years, or something you’ve started considering more seriously in the past year or two.
• Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis. It can be to practice a skill three times a week, set aside an hour a day to focus and do research, or sign up for a class to broaden your knowledge in a field.
• Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside blocks of time to making progress in the areas you’ve identified. Start small, with a 15–30 minute block of time. You’ll be surprised how much the time adds up without you having to give up on other things you need to do during the day.

👉🏾 Measure your progress consistently.

After following your new goal schedule for one week, make an assessment of the progress you made. Be honest in answering the following questions:

• Did some activities take more time than you anticipated? If so, why?
• What was easy to do? Why do you think it wasn’t as difficult as you initially thought?
• What could you have done better? Could you have started earlier in the day, found an efficient way to turn off what distracts you, used shortcuts to save time without sacrificing the quality of your work?
• In what way can you improve the following week? Can you focus only on one activity to make significant progress?
• How will you measure your progress? Can you set milestones to reach by the end of each week or deadlines to stay on track? Will you track progress in a spreadsheet or a bullet journal?