It’s the third week of January and the year is already in full swing. How are you doing?
A few things on my mind these past few weeks are:
January blahs (or blues?)
I’m noticing fewer and fewer holiday decorations that made homes look more magical in November and December. Shouldn’t the beginning of the year be celebrated, too? Since the days are still short and nighttime feels longer, it helps to make things look cozy indoors. I am a big fan of lighting candles, having some small lamps brighten up dark corners, and adding a colorful blanket to the couch.
New Year’s resolutions
How are they working out so far for you? For many years, I would have a ritual at the end of December of writing a list of New Year’s resolutions in my journal. On the upside, I find it interesting to re-read these lists and notice how the same items pop up year after year. On the other hand, I’ve probably written list after list of goals and resolutions that were too much, too soon. This year, I’m ditching this habit and replacing it with NO LISTS. Instead, I’m using the time to think of 1-2 goals that are important to me, and coming up with some ways to break them down into small steps. And speaking of steps…
Do you feel overwhelmed with the amount of things you have to do?
It’s normal to keep track of tasks, schedules, bullet journal entries. But watch out for writing down too many things you need to do every single day. Real life goes something like this: For each day, we write a list of “to-do’s” and often we manage to do some of them. But life gets busy and we don’t always finish everything on a given day, so on the next day we have whatever we initially planned PLUS the leftover tasks. Next thing you know, it’s the snowball effect: tasks get carried over, they don’t get all done, and by the end of the week we feel overwhelmed with what’s left. I’m trying to minimize my lists this year by writing down only the top-priority items for each day, and I treat the rest as “nice to finish” but not as “must finish” tasks. The effect? It feels like a relief to see a shorter list in my notebook. When evening comes, I can go out for a walk and find a little pocket of time to think. Or relax. Or just enjoy the fresh air. It’s a much calmer way to end the day.
What has your January experience been like? Share in the comments when you find a minute.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe we’re just a few days away from 2024. 😱
What to do with the remaining time?
One thing that’s natural to do is to take stock of the year and think about how we fared:
Did the year go as planned, or were there unforeseen events?
How did we deal with the changes?
What went well versus not that well?
Which goal was reached? And which one fell through the cracks?
What are we most proud of?
Where is there more room for improvement?
What do we want to do next? Why is this important to us?
I try to give myself a bit of time in the last few days of December to go over these and similar questions. The answers I come up with don’t have to be detailed; sometimes it’s just a few words in a short sentence. But this is a necessary step before moving on to any big plans for the new year.
If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I’m a huge fan of the daily practice of self-discipline. It has become a lifestyle for me and I like to approach each goal from this perspective. To make goal-setting as well as everyday work more approachable, I keep a journal so everything is in one place.
I just created another journal for 2024, which is essentially an e-book I print out and use every day. The journal includes:
Entries for one full week (Monday-Sunday)
Each daily entry consists of five sections:
a SITREP (situation report)
The Discomfort Zone section (ways to build my “discomfort muscle”)
The Work (this is my daily schedule)
Push it Further section (a prompt on how I can increase my efforts by 5–10%)
a Performance Review section (where I give myself a performance score)
Templates to take advantage of each day
A morning journal templateto take advantage of peak performance hours
Pomodoro session templates to complete short sprints of work based on the Pomodoro method
Using this format in the past year has made quite a difference. It’s straightforward, easy to follow, and frankly, it’s fun! Now all I do is print out the entire journal and use it daily to keep me on track, without having to come up with new prompts, questions, and answers each day. So it actually saves me some time too which is pure BLISS.
If you’d like to try on your own, you can download the journal here.
Wishing you all the best as we close the year and welcome in the new one! 🎉🎉
Striving for perfection (and trust me, I know what I am talking about) is not what you think.
On the outside, we may want to come across as the kind of person who knows what to do, who has everything figured out, who is exceptional at their job. But that’s optics. It’s a story we tell the world around us.
Because on the inside, we may be scared and even terrified to make mistakes, we may be full of self-doubt about what can happen if we make the wrong choice and proceed in a direction where we’re bound to slip up and fail.
So what should one do with this perfection thing?
Let. It. Go.
If you don’t, you’ll remain in the same mode of trying to catch up to some impossible image of what things should be. Or could be. Or must be — just because others have done it (or claimed so).
Instead, use your time to practice self-discipline as a tool to improve in something important to you.
You can do this in three ways:
Turn every obstacle into a playground.
It’s highly likely you will encounter obstacles in every area of your life, from professional to personal and social interactions. Instead of blaming an obstacle for not letting you reach a short or long-term goal, make it work for you. Treat it like a playground where you get to practice. Give yourself space in this playground to look at the obstacle from all different angles. Ask yourself how can you turn it into something useful for you. Find out what specifically you can learn from the obstacle that you didn’t think of before. Keep an open mind.
Avoid the blame game.
The blame game is a game you play in your mind where you start focusing on someone or something else (in other words, an external force) that controlled the situation and didn’t allow you to succeed. As soon as you start blaming, you start allowing emotions to take over — you may feel angry, hurt, resentful, sad, despondent, or even hopeless. It’s absolutely OK to acknowledge all those feelings, but instead of taking action based on the feelings, try to look at the situation from a logical point of view. Be honest. What happened that may have contributed to your failure? Write down all possible reasons in a list, whether they’re very small or super big. Then, ask yourself how you can avoid making mistakes next time. By doing this exercise, you’re exploring ways to improve as opposed to wallowing in blame and negativity.
Understand that new things don’t have to be scary. If your professor or boss recommends that you use a new resource to track your work, don’t immediately label the new thing as unnecessary, bad, or a time-waster. Obviously, it will take a bit of time to figure out how this new thing works. But the feeling of discomfort at not knowing what to do will not last long. Ask yourself, how can this resource (textbook, database, app, tool) make my job easier? What are the advantages? Where can I go to find out more about how out works? When I get better at using it, how can this expertise help me reach a bigger goal?
Maybe you haven’t spent any amount of time on those feelings. After all, there’s a saying that feelings are fickle – they change constantly anyway, so why should you care about them?
There’s one good reason: It’s important to take a longer look at what you’re experiencing.
For example, take the time to answer these questions:
When an emotion shows up, acknowledge it. Is there a word for it: happy, sad, anxious, excited?
What happened right before you felt it, was there a specific event or a series of thoughts you had before the emotion popped up?
Can you notice a pattern in your emotions, in other words do you react to your surroundings in similar ways over time?
Do you get easily distracted by what’s happening around you?
Is there something that bothers you right now in your life that you would like to change; if so, what is it?
If there’s something that’s worth changing, it’s not you — rather, it’s worth it to understand yourself better. All the feelings and thoughts you are having need some attention and time. Start a journal and write a bit each day about what you are experiencing. Chances are you’ll be surprised at what comes out when you give it some space. It is well worth it.
You accept that the person who will help you change how you view, think, do everything — is YOU.
You understand that this will take work. A lot of work in which you will be learning something new every day. The new things may be uncomfortable at first and they’ll challenge you. You may fail — in fact, it’s guaranteed that you will fail at least a few times. The work will also require your physical and mental energy, your complete focus, a lot of time. And that’s ok. You know that these things cannot be rushed.
You are dedicated to making the change. Why? Because you know that the way you currently think, view life, and do things is not serving you anymore. Maybe it did in the past, but not today. Today that mindset may make you feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, even despondent. Which is why today you will make a promise to yourself that you’ll work on creating a better foundation for your future.
You know what needs changing. Sounds logical, right? But it’s hard to move forward if you don’t know exactly where the problem lies. Are you stuck in your comfort zone and can’t leave? Are you allowing yourself to be distracted so much that you cannot finish your work or studies? Are your goals too vague, too small or too big, or non-existent? Is your mindset too rigid and you don’t see how you can grow in a certain area of your life, whether it’s professional or personal?
You become self-disciplined and persistent in practicing the change. It’s not the easiest thing to wake up early in the morning and go for a run or do a workout, but if you want to see results, you do it. Or, you haven’t dedicated sufficient time to preparing for an upcoming exam so you accept that you wasted precious time, but today you create a strategy and plan of attack to make the best of the time you have left, starting right now.
You listen, stay focused, and develop a better understanding of yourself. Over the years, as we go through life, we absorb so much new input and listen to many other people that we often forget to look inward and check in with ourselves. How am I doing? Is this something that I know is good for me? Am I following the advice of other people or trying to impress someone? What do I want? Where do I want to go? What do I need to do to get there? In order to understand yourself better, spend time thinking, asking questions, learning, and adjusting your mindset to be more open to new things. Ask yourself, What else is possible? What else can I do?
It’s already November and we’re all busy with school, work, and the usual rush of getting things done on time before the holidays. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things you need to do — getting ready for university exams, reaching a project milestone at work, honing a skill that will be useful to you in the future — you’re not alone.
We’re all feeling the grind.
If you’ve been following my blog, you know that my approach to getting things done is to rely not on motivation (because it’s fleeting and unreliable) but on self-discipline: the habit of being consistent, day after day, in doing the work.
It takes the guesswork and any dilemma out of the equation.
No more, Should I leave this for tomorrow?
No more, I don’t feel like it right now.
No more, If only I had more time to devote to this.
Instead:
Go to bed a bit earlier so you can get up earlier.
Plan your day.
Know your priorities.
Ignore (even better – eliminate) distractions.
Hold yourself accountable, instead of blaming circumstances or other people.
If you’re on board with this approach but would benefit from getting that extra push in the right direction, I created a free self-discipline journal template to keep you focused. It’s a small way to say thank you for following my blog ❤️.
I recommend writing in the journal early in the day. It won’t take more than a few minutes but I promise — it will make a world of difference in the way you approach every waking hour.
The journal includes 5 short sections:
1. Create a SITREP
Short for “situation report,” this is a summary of what’s happening in your world and what you want to focus on.
2. Get into the discomfort zone
You’ll identify one thing you don’t want to do but that is necessary to complete a goal.
3. Do the work
This is the main part of your journal entry, where you’ll add activities you’ll be doing in the morning, afternoon, and evening.
4. Push it further
Ask yourself, what is the ideal scenario, or what does success look like to you? Find quick ways to increase your effort to outperform.
5. Give yourself a performance review
At the end of the day, summarize what went well, what didn’t, and how you can remove any obstacles that are standing in your way.
And that’s it!
Get your free sample of the self-discipline journal here. And drop a comment to let me know how it works out for you!
Don’t believe people who say that keeping a journal is something only kids and teenagers do.
My experience has been the complete opposite.
There are many people, both at work and in my social circle, who keep the habit of writing in their journals. Of course, there are many who don’t do it but they keep track of their lives in different ways. They have sketchbooks in which they draw every day. They record music they play so they can learn and improve the skill of playing an instrument. They take pictures of the food they make and have thousands of photos on their iPhone showcasing their creations — and sometimes post them on Instagram for the world to see.
I’ve been the more traditional, journal-writing type of person over the years. And I do mean years. It’s a habit I first started when I was 7, as soon as I could form sentences and scrawl the words in my first journal. I still remember what the notebook looked like. It had pink and purple flowers on the cover, and the lines were wide spaced, just perfect for a 7-year-old to write in.
The topics have shifted over the years, as you would expect. That first notebook had a sentence that read, “Today I painted the toenails on my feet. AND ON MY FEET.” Apparently this was a big deal to me at the time. Then the notebooks started piling up. By the time I had reached my teens, there were all kinds of entries about friends and school and what I was thinking about the whole arduous process of growing up. In college, I started adding book lists to the mix because I was reading more and more. I also copied entire quotes and sections of the books that made a big impression on me. One of the books I was reading at the time was Lawrence Durrell’s Alexandria Quartet and there were so many good sections I had to write stuff down so I could go back to it later (which I often did).
The notebooks I’ve picked over time, I noticed, are all of different sizes. There are huge notebooks, there are tiny ones you can fit in your back pocket, then sketchbooks where I would write and doodle and draw stories in. Some beautiful, leather-bound notebooks by a printer who specialized in binding books in the style of the renaissance period. A few simple, no-fuss paperbacks with a black and white pattern. A hand-sewn notebook with a slim rope that ties the booklet together like a tiny parcel, a gift.
Which brings me to the biggest value of keeping a journal-writing habit — in my opinion, of course.
I see it as a series of small gifts I have created over the years. They served as a gift to the me-at-the-time, the gift of having space for self-reflection, curiosity about the world, a place where all of my questions could call home. And I had so many questions — and still do. Also, they have been a series of gifts I was making in advance for the future me. A blueprint for growing up, a living document of everything under the sun that still moves and changes shape and color. It’s a dialogue I have with myself. Look, this is who we were. Remember? This is how we tackled the world. This is how we fell in love, wildly and recklessly. This is how we grieved. This is how we enjoyed one blissful summer, riding bikes by the water and sitting on blankets eating sandwiches in the shadow of a tree. This is what moving from city to city, from one continent to the other, feels like. The friends we keep, the long letters we write each other in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep but we’re still awake and dreaming.
This is how we created the version of me that’s writing these words now, in my home in California. The version of me that’s not that different from the previous, younger versions. Come to think of it, we are quite similar to each other. We all like to make sandwiches for lunch. Coffee rituals in the morning. Asking a lot of questions. Reading novels. Dancing by ourselves with the headphones on. Scribbling in notebooks every single day.
Did you know that the average person typically has around 6,200 thoughts a day?
That’s a large number but yes, it’s backed by research — according to a 2020 study by psychologists at Queen’s University in Canada. In the study, Canada’s Research Chair in Cognitive Neuroscience Dr. Jordan Poppenk refers to thoughts as “thought worms” — consecutive moments when a person is focused on one idea. When a person transitions or thinks of a new thought, another “thought worm” is created, and so on. This means that we have thousands of thoughts each day that may or may not be linked to one another.
How can we manage these thoughts so they don’t create mental chaos?
I believe there is one method you can practice on your own that can bring you the results you want, and that is writing.
And no, I don’t mean writing a work of fiction such as a short story or novel, or even poetry. By writing, I mean writing down everything that is going through your mind. Literally.
What are the steps?
I just launched a 6-part series on Medium called “Declutter Your Mind.” It’s a deep dive into the process of making sense of the random thoughts that overwhelm us every day. In each part, I’ll share one step to help you understand your thoughts better, organize them so they work for you, and ultimately deal with them more effectively.
What an excellent question. It’s important to have this conversation because there are quite a few drawbacks to the way we approach self-improvement, yet we don’t really talk about them much.
I want to address three pitfalls specifically.
#1. Going down the rabbit hole of intense navel-gazing.
Having self-awareness and knowing there’s something that needs improving in our life is a good thing. That’s the first step towards positive change. The problem starts when being self-aware turns into being completely consumed with the self. We start viewing every aspect of our life through a magnifying lens. A need to start eating healthy begins by doing research on healthy foods, reading nutrition labels on packages in the supermarket, and making smarter choices about what to eat. But what if this research becomes the lens of looking at the world in a certain way, and we start judging certain foods as “toxic” or “bad” and even tell other people how and what they should eat? If we don’t watch the way we talk to ourselves, we can easily slip into bad habits of awfulizing whatever is not our choice and labeling what is our choice as the “best” and “smartest” way to live. Other than demonstrating a rigid and more fixed mindset, this is also dangerous because we can alienate other people; it will be difficult to enjoy spending time with us and learn something constructive from us.
Can you fix this?
You can, but you have to be deliberate and mindful about how you talk and how you think about self-improvement. It helps to broaden your view of the world to include data points other than yourself. What does that mean? Having awareness that the rest of the world may not have the same beliefs, needs, or goals is a good start. Learning something new to increase your knowledge and understanding, even if it clashes with your current set of beliefs. Solving a problem that someone else may have instead of just focusing on your own, which you can practice by asking the question, How can I help here? Finding ways to share your progress so that others can benefit from it, and explaining the progress in a way that is easy to understand (the point of what you’re doing, the habits you’re practicing, and the benefits you are experiencing). When we share our knowledge and experiences, we don’t just focus on us — we add value to others, which gives us a greater sense of purpose in life.
#2. Practicing small things, but procrastinating about the big things.
Small things are certain behaviors and habits we practice in our daily life that give us a feeling of accomplishment. Also, it looks good on the outside. We appear busy with our acts of self-improvement, which sends a signal to our brain that we are getting things done. For example, we get into the habit of keeping a bullet journal so that we can streamline the way we work and how we manage our daily schedule, both for our professional and personal life. The bullet journal method can easily morph into an obsession with aesthetics — how to add designs to your pages, put different colors, and experiment with different stickers and doodles to give the journal a cool artistic look. We start shopping for better notebooks, highlighters, cool pens. Suddenly a daily task of checking off items turns into hours of making things look good. What happened to the big picture? What are the initial goals we wanted to work on? Where did the time go to make progress on those goals?
Can you fix this?
Absolutely. If there’s anything we should really be dedicating our energy to, it’s the big things that matter to us — practicing a blue sky way of thinking. This means setting aside time to think about how to reach a big goal, overcome a personal challenge, improve relationships with people closest to us. Watch out for that self-talk that stems from feeling so busy with our daily lives that leads us to push all the big stuff aside and leave it for later. I can’t think about this right now, I don’t have the time! This is too complicated and stressful for me to deal with!It’s all going to work out anyway, why worry about it now? This is a form of procrastination, hidden under the guise of productivity. To deal with it, it helps to ask yourself, Why am I so reluctant to act on this today? Am I afraid of something, and if so, what is it? What’s standing in my way? Once you get to the bottom of it, you can take action. It’s a baby step move — you dedicate 15 minutes to getting something underway, whether it’s writing down five things you need to do to acquire a skill, or talking to your partner about solving a problem together.
#3. Obsessively monitoring the self-improvement journey of other people.
Watching others and how they behave, what they possess, and where they’re going is a human thing to do. We are social creatures. This is not altogether too bad — it’s important to learn from the experiences, behaviors, and even mistakes of other people. But there’s a danger hidden behind these observations: when we allow them to take over our thoughts and impede our judgment of what is truly important to our own self-development. Just because a friend mentions that they have taken up running at 6 a.m. to boost their physical stamina does not mean we need to immediately go shopping for a new pair of running shoes to do the same. And if a co-worker decides to quit so they can focus on being an entrepreneur and create their own business, that is not an excuse for us to give in to FOMO (the fear of missing out) and start asking ourselves if we’re really meant for this role or we should also give up a stable source of income to pursue something on our own — even though we’re not quite sure what that is.
Can you fix this?
Yes. It will, however, require you to change the way you think about goals that are important to you and only you. This is an exercise in goal-setting that can literally change your whole life if you know how to do it right. It does take a certain level of introspection and asking yourself difficult questions like, Is the lifestyle of the person I admire the right fit for me and what I need? Can I turn this lifestyle into a goal that fits into the bigger picture of my life and what I want it to look like 10 or 20 years from now? How can I make the goal actionable so it’s not just a “nice to have” but “I WANT to have this”? How will I measure my progress as I keep practicing these new behaviors? I created a workbook based on this process that includes question prompts, tips, templates, and a recommended reading list, all of which you can learn more about here.
I’m sure you have read all kinds of articles offering advice on morning routines. When to wake up. How much work to do. How to keep yourself entertained (or focused) on your commute. Podcast lists. Spotify lists. To-do lists. Meal prep. Writing in your journal. The list goes on and on. But did you ever consider what are some things you should not do as soon as you wake up?
Maybe it’s a good way to reframe your mindset.
Here are 5 things to say NO to in the morning.
1. Giving in to a state of anxiety and panic.
Many people open their eyes and immediately start listing all the things they have to do on that day. That type of mental “chatter” seems to be the brain’s default response to waking up. And of course the list feels endless — not to mention unrealistic. After all, you only have a certain amount of waking hours to get it all done, right? Next thing you know, you’re feeling overwhelmed with all those thoughts about the dreaded list. And feeling overwhelmed won’t help in any way, so it’s best to come up with a strategy for setting goals.
Instead of giving in to this state of mind, DO ask yourself one question first thing: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? It will help your brain prioritize and identify one goal or task that’s the most important. To make this easier to do, write the question on a large sheet of paper and put it somewhere you can immediately see when you wake up.
2. Reaching for the phone to start checking your social media apps.
The list of social media apps is getting longer over the years. You probably know your top 3-5 apps. It’s not just Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook any more. It can be reading other sources of news, playing games, or scrolling through Reddit. One thing you’re forgetting is a valuable resource that’s at its peak around this time, and that is your willpower. And you choose this time to scroll through Instagram! You’re better off using this time of day in a more efficient way.
Instead of repeating the same habit, DO give yourself time to ease into the day. This may be taking the time to do a 5-minute meditation, writing in your journal, watering the plants, taking your dog out for a walk, or turning on music to add some energy and perk you up.
3. Beginning the day on an empty stomach.
Unless you’re doing intermittent fasting, starting the day without any type of fuel won’t give you the energy you need. And it’s not only about addressing your stomach. Think about what your brain needs — like your stomach, it also needs food. Actually, the brain of an average adult consumes about 20 percent of the body’s total energy — which you mostly get from the food you eat. If you don’t eat, your brain won’t have the energy it needs to function properly and be productive.
Instead of skipping your fuel, DO start the day with breakfast. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or big. Try oatmeal with fresh fruit or yogurt with a combination of fruit, walnuts, and granola. An egg or two is another good option; eggs contain B vitamins, antioxidants (which protect neurons against damage), and omega-3 fatty acids to keep nerve cells functioning at optimal speed. If you’re fine with caffeine, it’s a perfect time for that first cup of coffee or tea to get you going.
4. Wasting time on things that don’t need your full focus and attention.
Consider for a minute what are the types of activities you typically perform before noon. You might be listening to the news, tidying up your home, chatting with or texting friends. It could also be spending a lot of time packing up what you need for work or school or agonizing over which outfit to wear. But what you’re not giving your brain is what it needs at that time — the opportunity to do deep, focused, uninterrupted work such as reading, writing, coding, analyzing, critical thinking, and problem solving.
Instead of wasting time, DO take advantage of your brain’s peak performance hours which are around 2–4 hours after you wake up. If you wake up at 6, your peak time for complex cognitive tasks is between 8 and 10. Another bonus is that when you get that tough cognitive work out of the way, you’ll feel more accomplished and ready to relax when you really need to.
5. Staying indoors all morning.
There’s so much goodness from giving yourself some time in the sun, even if the weather is overcast. Think of it as spending a few minutes absorbing daylight, much like plants do. Getting some sun exposure will allow your body to naturally produce vitamin D, which is important for optimal brain function. Vitamin D helps the brain through its anti-inflammatory and immune-boosting properties. Additionally, studies have shown it protects agains dementia by helping to break down Alzheimer’s disease-related proteins and enhancing blood flow to the brain.
Instead of being indoors all morning, DO schedule a short walk or run early when the sun comes up. Your mornings are super busy? It doesn’t have to take a long time. You can set the timer on your mobile phone to go off anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes. When you’re moving, you’ll also get the additional benefit of producing more endorphins — those happy hormones we all need more of!
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