How can I become less emotional in life, and why?

To be fair, being emotional is not a bad thing. In fact, it is quite positive to be in tune with your emotions, give yourself the space to acknowledge and feel them, and understand their value in your development as an adult. But if you often find yourself being emotional about every single thing you encounter during your day, and if those emotions are what drives you to make decisions in the moment that will likely not be the best choice for you (your physical or mental health) or your future — then yes, it can be beneficial to keep those emotions in check.

Instead of letting emotions take over, it will be more helpful to develop skills that will help you make better and smarter decisions. You’ll learn to use logic (not panic) when you’re trying to overcome an obstacle. You’ll use critical thinking (instead of mimicking what other people do) to understand a problem. You’ll learn to work with feelings of discomfort (instead of saying, I can’t do it!) and allow yourself to go outside your comfort zone. As a result, your brain will be better equipped to deal with the changes in your life.

Here are three skills that can be helpful.

Skill #1. Go with the flow.

Let’s take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example. Yes, it’s made a huge change in our lives in the past year, but this is not the first time we’ve come across an obstacle. More often than not, our week takes a different turn from what we imagine it should be. In the past, you’d feel rushed to prep an exam because you didn’t study on time, or a work-related project had a new deadline and you had to work more hours to get everything done. These days, it’s the opposite — you may be working from home, feeling more isolated than before or perhaps having to deal with noisy or disruptive family members or roommates. Be careful not to let emotions take over, whether they’re feelings of anger, sadness, helplessness, or frustration. It may actually benefit you to go with the flow and take each day as it comes.

How can you do it?

• Be aware of the thoughts running through your mind as you’re reacting to the unexpected event. The thoughts might sound something like this. It’s the end of the world! I’ll never hang out with my friends again! We can’t even travel safely any more!
• Tell yourself that the emotion you are feeling is temporary. You can say, No wonder I’m upset, but I have to admit everyone else is going through the same thing. It’s normal to have an emotional reaction right now but it will pass!
• Ask yourself, What can I do right now to make myself feel better? You can get off Twitter, turn off the TV for one hour, take a few deep breaths, do a crossword puzzle, read a novel, write in your journal, make a batch of cookies, or take a nap.

Skill #2. Start looking at obstacles differently.

While you’ve been stuck at home during quarantine, have you found yourself awfulizing with thoughts like, If this wasn’t happening, I’d be going on a road trip with my friends or, If only I weren’t at home all the time I’d still be on my diet but now I can’t do it? In those moments when you’re trying to rationalize your decisions, you’re blaming the obstacles (in this instance, the pandemic) for not allowing you to achieve a goal. You’re giving external factors top priority and more importance than anything you can do. What if obstacles were to serve a different purpose in your life? Instead of using them as an excuse to avoid or quit something, what if you could use them to your advantage?

How can you do it?

Retired US Navy SEAL Jocko Willink has a power tip for dealing with obstacles, which he wrote about in his book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual. When you reach an obstacle, instead of saying, Oh no! you should embrace it and say, GOOD! Why talk about an obstacle in a positive light? It’s a mindset shift that can yield big results because it gives you a feeling of control and allows your brain to be more flexible instead of rigid.

• If you’ve been getting bad grades in college courses in the past year, GOOD!Now you’ll dedicate more time to prepare and organize your study days more effectively.
• If your apartment is a mess because you’re too busy with work, GOOD! Now you’ll have to schedule in the time to tidy up, even if it’s 10 minutes each day.
• If you feel bad about not reaching out to friends as much as before, GOOD!You can get creative: send a text message, a voice clip, or short and funny video to let them know you’re thinking about them.

Skill #3. Practice a growth mindset.

Stanford professor of psychology Carol Dweck wrote a book called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in which she makes an important distinction between two mindsets: fixed and growth mindset. A fixed mindset is when you think the world is “fixed” i.e. everything stays the same forever, people never change, and they are incapable of being in control of their lives. You’re lucky if you have good genes, a particular talent or gift; conversely, if your IQ isn’t stellar, too bad because you can’t do anything to improve your intellect. Translated into the current situation, having a fixed mindset means we see the world as completely out of our control. That way of thinking can make us feel powerless. Here’s where practicing a growth mindset can prove helpful.

How can you do it?

Shift your focus from awfulizing about things — the pandemic, the bad economy, the horrible weather, the unbearable news — and find something that is within your control and that you can work on every single day. Instead of scrolling through Twitter for hours getting anxious from the news, identify one area of your life you can improve that has a positive side effect of making you feel better about yourself. When you are proactive, you’re building emotional resilience and taking control of your life.

• Find the time to finish up a home project you’ve been putting off for months, whether it’s painting the walls in your bedroom, cleaning out the bedroom closet, or organizing your spice collection.
• Schedule a simple workout for 15–20 minutes each morning to create a routine that will give you a boost of endorphins and a healthy dose of vitamin D from the sunlight. Try a yoga routine or go for a quick walk through the neighborhood.
• Call a friend over the phone to ask them about their day. They may only want a sympathetic ear or they’ll seek advice for solving a problem. Either way, don’t multitask as you’re talking — really listen and figure out what’s the best way to be their friend right now.

What small things can you do daily to improve your confidence?

Those small things — think of them as confidence-boosting habits. The more you practice them, the faster you’ll see results.

Here are three.

Confidence-boosting habit #1. Ask more questions.

You’ve probably heard the saying that knowledge is power. But what is a good way to acquire knowledge? It won’t just magically appear in front of you on a silver platter. Instead, you’l have to be more proactive about seeking the knowledge you need.

How can you do this?

Start by gathering information about other people in an informal social setting. This easy technique will help later when you want to ask questions in front of a larger audience like a classroom or business meeting. For example, whenever you have a conversation with someone over the phone, ask them questions about everyday things — how was their day, how busy was their schedule, what they made for lunch, what helps them unwind before going to sleep, etc. Asking questions has many benefits. You take focus away from yourself and switch it to the other person, which helps you relax. You get information that other people may not automatically share unless they’re prompted, which boosts your knowledge about them. Finally, you find out what you both have in common so you can set a foundation for a long-term friendship that’s mutually beneficial.

Confidence-boosting habit #2. Use your body language.

It’s a quick and easy way to feel more confident: use your body instead of words to get your message across. There is so much we can convey using non-verbal communication, including thoughts and feelings, and there are plenty of ways to practice this daily.

How can you do this?

If you’re reading this answer in 2020 (or early 2021), there’s a high probability you’re still quarantined indoors, so you’ll need to get creative as you maintain social distancing. You can practice with family members, roommates, or friends via video on your phone. Start with non-verbal cues. For example, turn your body fully towards them and don’t stand at an angle — you don’t want them to think you’re not interested in talking. Next, look the person in the eye instead of looking away as you’re having the conversation. This is key. Don’t keep glancing at your cell phone or stare off camera while you’re talking. If you’re sitting down, lean your body slightly forward — this position signals that you’re fully focused and interested in the topic of conversation.

Confidence-boosting habit #3. Become a master of one thing.

Don’t think of achieving mastery as something that pertains only to the chosen few — someone who has a black belt in karate, wins world chess championships, or receives the Pulitzer prize. It’s actually something you can achieve for yourself. Having mastery in any field simply means you work hard on one thing, improve your skill level to reach advanced status, and over time become an expert in that field.

How can you do this?

Unlike habit #2, this one will take some introspection. Start by setting aside some time to think about your skills and achievements. Ask yourself, Which skills do I have that I am particularly proud of? What do my close family and friends say are my greatest strengths?Next, write down a list of these skills or strengths and think about how they helped you achieve goals at different stages of your life. From that list, identify one specific skill you’d like to focus on, then write down a goal that you can reach by practicing it. For example, the goal can be getting better at chess so you can sign up for a chess tournament, practicing acoustic guitar so you can be part of a band, learning a foreign language so you can travel abroad next year, etc. Then, schedule a little time every day (even 15 minutes is an excellent way to begin) to practice your skill.

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One final thing: If you want to improve your confidence, think of it as a muscle. Chances are, you already have it (to a certain degree) but it’s not as visible because you haven’t worked that muscle enough for it to really stand out. When you exercise your confidence muscle, it will give you the power to accomplish goals, no matter what those goals may be.

What is your unique way of developing mental strength?

What an excellent question to ask during this challenging year!

Developing our mental strength can help us in many ways. Being mentally strong essentially means knowing how to survive as an adult. It means being able to deal with challenges and obstacles. It means learning from mistakes instead of being paralyzed by them. Essentially, being mentally strong helps us process the world — and our role in it — better.

I wouldn’t say that my way of developing mental strength is necessarily unique. It’s more a matter of understanding what I need at this point in my life, which skills I need to work on more, and which habits I want to incorporate into my day so I can get better at those skills.

Here are three habits I’ve been practicing to develop mental strength.

✅ Mental strength building habit #1. Riding with the turbulence.

It’s nothing unusual to encounter unexpected situations in life. Granted, the current situation with the pandemic and COVID-19 is definitely something out of the ordinary, but it’s not the first time I have encountered a turbulent time. We’ve all been there in the past. We study for an exam, yet when exam day comes we aren’t able to concentrate and this affects our final grade. We get laid off from work or find a new job that turns out to be worse than the previous one we’ve had. We spend more time working from home and have to homeschool our siblings or children because they, too, are stuck indoors during the pandemic. Everyone is nervous because our lives have been disrupted. What is something we should be aware of? It’s important not to let emotions take over our whole day, whether they are feelings of sadness, anger, helplessness, or frustration. It will actually benefit us more if we go with the flow, and take things day by day.

How can you do this?

Step one is to be aware of the thoughts that are running through your mind as you’re reacting to the unexpected event. The thoughts might sound something like this. I’ve had it — this pandemic will never be over! I’ll never see my friends! We will never feel safe going to a concert again! Step two is to tell yourself that whatever emotion you are feeling is only going to be temporary. You can say, Of course I’m upset, no wonder — everyone else is going through the same thing! It’s normal to have an emotional reaction right now but it will pass. And step 3 is to ask yourself, What can I do right now to make myself feel better? You can choose to turn off the news on TV for one hour, take a few deep breaths, pick some music to listen to with eyes closed, make yourself a warm meal or get a snack, or take out a pen and write in your journal to give your thoughts and emotions a place to live.

✅ Mental strength building habit #2. Seeing obstacles in a new light.

If we’re really honest about it, there are obstacles we run across every single day of our lives. Some are really small ones, like running out of laundry detergent just when we realize we have no more clean clothes left to wear. Others are bigger ones, like not being able to pay bills at the end of the month because those textbooks we had to purchase last week were more expensive than we anticipated. And then there are all those obstacles in between — road construction that’s slowing down traffic, being late to a meeting, a difficult landlord, friends who demand our time and want to party, or maybe that box of cookies calling your name right when you’ve decided you want to lose ten pounds and go back to your fitness regimen. In all of the cases, what do we typically do? We blame the obstacles for not “allowing” us to achieve a short or long-term goal. But what if obstacles were to serve a different purpose in our life? Instead of using them as an excuse to avoid something or even quit something, we can use them to our advantage.

How can you do this?

There’s a cool hack for overcoming obstacles that I read in the book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual by retired US Navy SEAL Jocko Willink. He says that when you reach an obstacle, instead of saying, Oh no, this is really bad! try embracing it and say, GOOD! Why talk about an obstacle in a positive light? It’s a subtle switch of your mindset that can yield big results because it affects how you react to a problematic situation, gives you a greater feeling of control, and allows your brain to be more flexible instead of rigid. If you’ve been getting bad grades in your college courses, GOOD! Now you’ll have more time to prepare and organize your study days in the following semester more effectively. If you’ve been complaining that there’s no more laundry detergent left, GOOD! Now you’ll have to plan ahead by writing a shopping list. If you feel bad that you ate 5 cookies after dinner, GOOD! Now you can use the time sitting on the couch to write a list of healthy meals you can prepare ahead for the week so you’re not tempted to eat too much.

✅ Mental strength building habit #3. Growing my mindset.

There is one book that has completely changed the way I think about the capabilities of the human brain. It is called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford. Dr. Dweck makes an important distinction between two mindsets: fixed and growth mindset. A fixed mindset is when you think the world is “fixed” i.e. everything stays the same forever, and people never change and are incapable of being in control of their lives. You’re lucky if you have good genes, a particular talent or gift; conversely, if your IQ isn’t high “enough,” too bad because you can’t do anything to improve your intellect.

To apply this way of thinking to the present challenges we are facing around COVID-19, having a fixed mindset can mean we see the world completely out of our control. Governments are in power, presidents can “save” or “destroy” the population of their country depending on the decisions and laws they put into effect. And we, the regular people, just react — no choices, no decision-making is up to us. We merely receive — the news, changes in laws, restrictions, you name it. And that way of thinking can make us feel powerless. It’s exactly what we should avoid. Here’s where having a growth mindset can prove helpful.

How can you do this?

Shift your focus from awfulizing about the global health crisis to identifying something that is within your control and that you can work on every single day. Instead of reading the news on Twitter for hours and getting more anxious by the minute, you can find one area of your life that you can improve and that has a positive side effect of making you feel better about yourself. For example, you can dedicate 30 minutes a day to practice a skill. Go on YouTube and learn how to bake bread from scratch. Take that book that’s been sitting on your shelf for months and read the first chapter. Take 15 minutes early each morning to take a brisk walk outside to get some daylight and also produce more endorphins (your “happy” hormones).

Remember — all these little habits, if you practice them every day, will help you build mental strength so you can manage your life, regardless of its ups and downs, more effectively. You can do it!

Can we train our brain to look only for positive and good things? If yes, how?

It’s the early morning hours in San Francisco. The date is September 9, 2020. One by one, in each home throughout the Bay Area, residents hear the sound of their alarm clocks go off at the usual time. It’s supposed to be just another Wednesday morning. Work, school, local buses and trains, everything is scheduled for business as usual.

Except that this morning was far from normal.

We woke up to darkness. The sky was orange, similar to the photo of Golden Gate Park that you see on this untouched photo. In turns out that all the fires that spread throughout the West Coast of the United States in the past few days (weeks, actually) caused a dense layer of smoke to stretch over the area like a thick, heavy, orange blanket. The sun didn’t stand a chance.

That was how my day began, too. I thought my alarm went off too early, because I didn’t see any natural light coming through my bedroom window. I showered as usual, made breakfast, but wasn’t really hungry. Outside, the birds didn’t chirp happily as usual. It seemed too quiet. I heard one bird barely sing something that seemed like a question to another bird — a short song, a do-you-believe-this-is-happening song. And then it went quiet too. Birds must have been confused. Was it still nighttime? Maybe it’s time to go back to sleep.

As the day progressed, we kept tuning into the news as we went about our day. The National Weather Service admitted that the forecast was “beyond the scope of our models” — so no idea how long this would last! And given the general state of affairs (after all, 2020 is not over yet), this moment seemed surreal. Bizarre. Apocalyptic.

So what does one do when faced with yet another strange, uncomfortable, and anxiety-provoking day? I called up my best friend and we came up with a few ideas.

We will help our brain look for something positive in this moment.

Actually, we will brainstorm THREE things we’re grateful for today.

Here was my list.

1. I am grateful that I went grocery shopping a few days ago and got everything I need to prepare meals. (No reason to spend more time outdoors today inhaling smoke.)
2. I am grateful that I finished writing one work-related task ahead of time by setting aside an extra hour before going to bed last night. (It made me feel less rushed in the morning.)
3. I am grateful that we have electricity so that even though we’re indoors we can turn on the lights to make the place look more cozy and keep the fan going to help circulate air better. (It helped us breathe a little easier.)

So, back to your question. Can we train our brain to look only for positive and good things? Yes we can — because what you focus on expands. If you look for positive things, you’ll likely see more of them (and vice versa). I don’t think it’s realistic to require the brain to only look for the positive, though — I’d replace “only” with “mostly” or “as often as possible.”

And how can you focus on positive things?

My advice is to start a 5-minute gratitude practice that you can incorporate into your day. Here’s how:

Do it early. Take a few minutes when you wake up to give yourself some quiet time to focus on what you want to say. You might want to close your eyes while you think about it, or maybe you’ll want to write your thoughts down in a journal and then say them out loud. Pick whatever feels more natural to you.

Start small. As you sit quietly, focus on 3 things you are grateful for today. It can be little things: having a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, a sunny sky (and clean air to breathe!), a beautiful object in your home like a plant or a painting, or even an enjoyable moment you recently shared with a close friend.

Be specific. If you’re grateful for having your own place, write down why this is important to you. If it’s a work of art hanging on your wall, point out how it makes you feel. And if it’s a conversation you had with a friend, think about what made it so enjoyable. Give yourself a minute of two to really experience the positivity of what you’re thinking about.As for me — and the rest of San Francisco residents — we’ll hope for the best and see if the sky clears up tomorrow. Stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.

How do I develop a positive mindset, even when things are falling apart?

 

It’s 2020. Given how much our lives have changed during this year, I’m sure most of us feel that things are falling apart.

There’s a pandemic that we did not anticipate and it’s affecting everyone. For many people, the daily commute to work now means walking from the bed to the desk where our schoolwork or job is waiting for us. We are not socializing with our friends, schoolmates, coworkers. Summer vacation is different. We find ourselves waiting in lines at the grocery store, feeling lucky that we can find what we need to buy. As we walk in the park, we avoid getting too close to people who walk towards us; they also step farther away. Most people wear masks. We don’t see if they’re smiling when they pass by. And when we hear someone greet us with a loud “Hello!” we feel a tiny bit better.

Why?

Because, in that moment, we feel a ray of positivity. We connected with another human being.

It’s those small things that can make a big difference in our lives. The question is, how do we add more positive things to our day, especially now when we need it the most?

There are a few things we can actually do ourselves, so we don’t need to wait for that “Hello!”

Idea #1. Say thank you.

Why?

Practicing gratitude rewires our brain to think about positive things, the things that we have going for us, instead of the things we do not have and that can leave us feeling angry, frustrated, and unhappy.

How to practice it?

Each morning when you wake up or just before you go to sleep, think of 3 things you are grateful for in your life right now. It can be the simplest of things like having a warm bed to sleep in, a joke you shared with a friend over the phone, the feeling of sunshine on your face when you stepped outside to go for a walk.

Idea #2. Do something just for pleasure.

Why?

If you feel like your life is all work and chores and every day is the same as the day before, you aren’t helping yourself think more positively. When you do something out of sheer pleasure, you create an endorphin boost i.e. you produce more of your “happy hormone.”

How to practice it?

If you’re an avid reader, make the time to read a novel for 30 minutes before going to sleep. If you like to be physically active, schedule in a bike ride or go for a run in the early morning or late afternoon when you’re done with work. If your secret passion is to make bread, make it a priority to give yourself time to experiment with flour, yeast, and just the right oven temperature to bake your creations.

Idea #3. Give yourself a project.

Why?

Even though it tricks us into feeling like we procrastinate all the time, our brain actually functions best when it has a goal to work towards. Goals don’t have to be big, like graduating from college or getting a dream job. They can be smaller, like cleaning the kitchen and giving it a coat of bright paint, or losing five pounds to fit into last year’s jeans.

How to practice it?

Pick a small project that you can finish in one week. Write down your goal. Figure out what you need to do to make it happen, from tools to additional knowledge on a topic. Find a block of time every day when you can work on your project, and actually put it on your schedule. Set a reminder on your mobile phone when you want to start working on it. At the end of the day, give yourself a few minutes to evaluate your progress and ask yourself if you could have improved in some way, either by not spending as much time on an activity or by preparing better for it.

Idea #4. Turn down the dial on news and social media.

Why?

Just because we’re all spending much more time indoors does not mean we should be hooked on to news channels 24/7. The same goes for social media. You can easily be spending hours on Twitter, and at the end of the day, you certainly won’t be feeling more optimistic.

How to practice it?

Try this small experiment. For the next few days, after reading or watching the news, ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. It’s likely that you’ll feel frustrated, scared, angry, helpless, and sad. Those are all normal reactions. The downside? You are just a passive observer about what’s happening in the world right now. Rather than just reacting, how about doing something positive? It can be as simple as making the decision to put on a mask before you go outside, or calling up a friend and talking about something that will help you both relax, feel better, and even laugh.

Idea #5. Be proactive about your mindset.

Why?

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” In other words, it’s all about what you tell yourself you can (or cannot) do. Your mindset is the single most important factor that will drive your life. It will help you make decisions, evaluate what’s good or bad for you, what priorities matter to you, which friendships to focus on, how healthy you want lifestyle to be, and so on. That’s why it is so important to give it your full attention.

How to practice it?

To make a positive switch, it helps to develop a growth mindset. Read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. According to Dweck, having a fixed mindsetmeans you believe that your skills and strengths are set in stone and there’s nothing you can do to change them. In contrast, having a growth mindset means you believe that you can cultivate your strengths through long-term effort. When you become aware of the mindset you want to have, you’ll soon find yourself taking charge of increasing the amount of positive messages you tell yourself every day. And day by day, you’ll notice a change in how you think and feel.

How can I improve my time management at home?

Create your own recipe for managing time at home. Then stick with it every single day.

It’s something all of us can benefit from, especially now that we’re spending more time at home due to COVID-19. Think of it as a skill that you’re practicing. In the beginning, it will feel awkward. You’ll think it’s hard to stick to a routine. But if you keep at it (no matter what emotions you experience in the beginning), you’ll notice that after the first week it will start happening more naturally. Within a month, you’ll feel the benefits to the extent that you’ll be glad you turned your life around.

So how do you start creating this recipe?

Tip #1. Use your circadian rhythm to figure out what to do and when.

When you get to know your circadian rhythm (the 24-hour biological cycle in which your body responds differently to physical and mental challenges at certain times of day), you can better select activities to help you be more productive. Here’s how.

• Mornings are great when you need to be most mentally alert. Some scientists call this the brain’s peak performance time, and it’s roughly 2-4 hours after we wake up. If you wake up at 7, your peak times are between 9 and 11 a.m. Use this time for cognitive tasks: problem-solving, learning complex concepts for the first time, researching and taking notes, etc.
• Afternoons are optimal for collaborating and performing physical activities. Use this time of day to schedule meetings, brainstorm ideas with others, and work together on group projects; or to do work that requires more coordination and physical strength (home improvement, construction projects, physical exercise, etc.).
• Evenings are the ideal time for strategic thinking. Your brain thinks differently at the end of the day, so it can thrive if you allow it to be more creative. If you’re setting goals, either personal or professional, this is when you can outline your next steps and think about the big picture. You can also use this time for creative outlets: playing a musical instrument, painting, drawing, or writing.

Tip #2. Put a stop to endless task lists with one question. 

Simplify your life and maximize focus by asking yourself this question each morning: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?

• Why should you start your day this way? This technique encourages you to think strategically about your day, keeps you focused on your goals, forces you to prioritize what’s most important, and serves as a personal promise to yourself that you will follow through.
• How can you incorporate it into your day? Write your question in big bold letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, and come up with an answer on the spot. Then, as you go through the day, make sure you’re working on completing what you’ve identified as your one thing.

Tip #3. Practice a morning routine to give you energy.

The biggest benefit to creating a morning routine is that you become the master of your own time really early. A morning routine can start with just a few simple activities.

• Eating a balanced breakfast. It should take about 5 minutes to prepare, and can be oatmeal or yogurt with fresh fruit and nuts such as walnuts, almonds, and cashews.
• Doing a short workout. How short? It can be only 15 minutes! This really helps if you can’t find the motivation to keep working out on a regular basis. It can be anything from a morning yoga routine to a 20-minute power walk.
• Mapping out the day. Think about how you will structure your day as you’re having breakfast or going on your morning walk. Visualize what you’ll be accomplishing before lunch, in the afternoon, and in the evening.

Tip #4. Use a timer for everything you do.

When you divide up your work during the day into smaller increments, it becomes more manageable, and your brain is able to focus better on each task. Here are a few examples of how and when to use a timer.

• When you are learning new information. Set the timer to 30 or 60 minute blocks. When you’re done with one segment, step away from your desk and do something else to give your brain a chance to rest: take a 5 minute walk, look out the window, grab a cup of coffee or tea.
• When you’re working towards a deadline. Use the Pomodoro technique which gives your brain a 25-minute time block to concentrate, followed by a 5-minute break.
• When you’re taking a break. Don’t let your evenings pass you by. Give yourself targeted time to relax and do something fun: watch a movie, ride your bike, read a book. Before you begin, set your timer to 2 hours, then go do your thing.

Tip #5. Deliberately remove distractions from your day.

Distractions are everywhere around us, from loud noise to phone calls and incoming text messages. The bad side to all this is poor focus and reduced productivity, so we need to be deliberate in removing distractions from our lives.

• Be smarter when you use your phone. Adjust the setting to Airplane mode so incoming calls and text messages don’t interrupt your work. Set aside several times during the day to check your email and social media. Don’t let others own your time; that’s your job.
• Set expectations with roommates, friends, and family. Let them know you’re not available for a few hours when you need to do your hard work. Say you’ll call later or catch up in the afternoon when you finish up what’s most important.
• Shut out the noise with noise-cancelling headphones or silicone ear plugs, and listen to music that can help you focus better. For example, try instrumental or classical music such as Mozart, Vivaldi, or Bach.

What have you realized by staying at home during this lockdown?

 

Quite a few things.

🚙 I realized how much I took my daily routine for granted, didn’t think much about it at all. Drive to work, take a walk close to my office around lunchtime to get some much-needed sun, go to the gym in the evenings, shop in my favorite grocery store and chat with the friendly employees. It all feels like luxury and freedom now.

😁 I realized how much I miss seeing people smile. Much as though I appreciate wearing a mask outside or at the store (and I always feel relieved when I see people wearing one), I miss that random smile from a stranger on the street or a neighbor taking their dog out for a walk. I’ve started looking for the smile that reaches people’s eyes when they pass by me, and we often nod our heads and say hello and that feels nice.

💔I realized how fragile we all are. How human, emotional, worried, spontaneous, cautious, anxious we are. How much we need to share our thoughts and feelings and experiences with one another, no matter how tough we may appear on the outside.

👬🏿 I realized how this pandemic brings out the best in people and also the worst in people. When something of this magnitude hits the entire planet, you look to your loved ones, your close friends, your neighbors, a mentor, a grandmother or grandfather, a partner. You seek solace, you seek wisdom — and most of all, you seek a calm voice telling you it’s going to be all right. That’s what you need right now. A leader. A wise person, someone to rely on and to trust. What you don’t need is someone who awfulizes, who focuses only on themselves, who creates drama and who has meltdowns on a daily basis because they cannot continue leading a lifestyle they’re used to. They can’t party. They can’t entertain or be entertained. They can’t get attention because everyone is busy just trying to make it through this day and the next.

🗒 I also realized how important it is to structure your day. Little habits, small things you do, the meals you prepare, the work that you organize and divide up in small chunks. All of the scheduling and preparing and planning truly helps. It makes each day and week go by faster. And it beats sitting on the couch and watching TV for hours and hours.

🏃🏾‍♀️Speaking of exercise, I realized how important it is to move my body. Any form of exercise, no matter how small or insignificant, is something I look forward to nowadays. Going to the gym was a habit, but I did it automatically because it was something I put on the schedule — like a maintenance plan. Now, I take brisk walks between meetings in my home and I log the steps with a pedometer app so I can see how much these small steps add up. And when I go outside for an evening walk, I love the moment of being outdoors, in the fresh air, feeling free.

🌺 I realized that I missed spring of 2020. In a few weeks it will be summer, and an entire season went by and I missed it. I did hear birds and their wonderful singing, and yes I saw trees going into full bloom. But I didn’t have the time to go out there and walk slowly and enjoy it.

🥖 I realized that bread-making is a true skill. I now understand how much time and love and effort goes into making dough, letting it rest, kneading it to perfection, being patient, and baking it at the right temperature. Not just buying it at the store and then eating it, often in a hurry, for lunch. I admire and salute all bakers over the world for their craft.

😃 I realized how smiling and laughter possess a healing power. We need more of both.

👩🏻‍🤝‍👨🏿👬🏿👩🏾‍🤝‍👩🏼I realized how important it is to reach out and talk to other people. Often times, we are all busy and and rushing to get from one place to the next. It’s work and school and all other obligations, and there’s rarely time to stop and look up, take time to process what is happening, and then find a few moments to reach out to someone and talk to them about it. Having a conversation is very important. Sharing your life with others is important. Asking them how they’re doing, telling them about your day, asking questions, making that connection, no matter how small — that is truly priceless. Let’s always remember we’re here to support one another, in any small or big way we can. It will make any turbulent time in life, not just this one, a little bit easier to overcome. ♥️