I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe we’re just a few days away from 2024. 😱
What to do with the remaining time?
One thing that’s natural to do is to take stock of the year and think about how we fared:
Did the year go as planned, or were there unforeseen events?
How did we deal with the changes?
What went well versus not that well?
Which goal was reached? And which one fell through the cracks?
What are we most proud of?
Where is there more room for improvement?
What do we want to do next? Why is this important to us?
I try to give myself a bit of time in the last few days of December to go over these and similar questions. The answers I come up with don’t have to be detailed; sometimes it’s just a few words in a short sentence. But this is a necessary step before moving on to any big plans for the new year.
If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I’m a huge fan of the daily practice of self-discipline. It has become a lifestyle for me and I like to approach each goal from this perspective. To make goal-setting as well as everyday work more approachable, I keep a journal so everything is in one place.
I just created another journal for 2024, which is essentially an e-book I print out and use every day. The journal includes:
Entries for one full week (Monday-Sunday)
Each daily entry consists of five sections:
a SITREP (situation report)
The Discomfort Zone section (ways to build my “discomfort muscle”)
The Work (this is my daily schedule)
Push it Further section (a prompt on how I can increase my efforts by 5–10%)
a Performance Review section (where I give myself a performance score)
Templates to take advantage of each day
A morning journal templateto take advantage of peak performance hours
Pomodoro session templates to complete short sprints of work based on the Pomodoro method
Using this format in the past year has made quite a difference. It’s straightforward, easy to follow, and frankly, it’s fun! Now all I do is print out the entire journal and use it daily to keep me on track, without having to come up with new prompts, questions, and answers each day. So it actually saves me some time too which is pure BLISS.
If you’d like to try on your own, you can download the journal here.
Wishing you all the best as we close the year and welcome in the new one! 🎉🎉
Many people believe that philosophy is everything abstract — reading books about philosophy, contemplating concepts and ideas found in those books, and staying in that thinking zone that’s far removed from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
But it doesn’t have to be that limited. There is a practical aspect to philosophy too: moving on from learning about it to applying it. We can apply any philosophy to our daily lives by building habits to reinforce it, by adopting a belief and value system if it’s important to us, by practicing critical thinking skills (deciding what is relevant to keep and practice, versus what is less relevant), and by adapting our behavior to fit the philosophy we admire.
When we practice a philosophy, we also do something that is incredibly important to our personal self-development.
We learn more about ourselves.
I’ll give one example of a philosophy that I find very useful, practical, and important to me: Stoicism. I believe it to be a philosophy that has many practical applications in our modern 21st century life.
The original Stoics — Seneca, Zeno, Marcus Aurelius, Musonius Rufus, and Epictetus to name a few — didn’t consider themselves to be exemplary human beings who preached a perfect way to live. That said, they were focused on values and finding ways to live a life of virtue, a more meaningful life, a life that is inward and not outward-focused. And to stay on the path of a virtuous life, they built habits that they would practice for years.
And that’s exactly where the practical application of a philosophy comes in. It’s about building daily habits that can help you navigate more easily through all the surprises, challenges, and obstacles you may encounter as you go through adulthood.
Using the example of Stoicism, here are three daily habits that can help you incorporate this philosophy into your daily life.
#1. Learn to embrace discomfort.
Being stoic isn’t about staying in your comfort zone. That’s the place where you’re surrounded by familiar things, people, and experiences. If you are used to studying for 12 hours at your desk, you keep doing it even if it makes you dizzy and leaves you unmotivated. If you react the same way when you have a problem at work, you continue with the same problem-solving approach even though you know the results won’t be any different. Staying in your comfort zone is the opposite of growth. As soon as you step out of it, you give yourself a chance to experience something new. Yes, you’ll experience growing pains. Yes, you’ll feel discomfort. Yes, you may feel out of place, or not knowledgeable enough, or even silly. Those are all good things. The more you get used to discomfort, the more flexible you’ll be when problem-solving. You can:
Give yourself permission to feel. Being stoic isn’t about being in denial. You need to process your thoughts and feelings so they don’t overwhelm you. The best way to do this is by giving yourself the time to observe what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Frustrated? Feeling like you don’t belong? Dreading that you’ll fail? Acknowledge those feelings. Your awareness will benefit you.
Learn to rely on yourself by trying to solve a problem at work or school by yourself first. If you make mistakes, it’s good. Mistakes will eventually lead you to success. You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. And, you won’t be dependent on others to solve your problems.
Don’t be afraid to try a different way of overcoming an obstacle. Experiment a little. Try something new. Learn and repeat and get better at something.
#2. Get into the habit of practicing self-discipline.
This is probably the top habit to embrace if you want to practice stoicism. Why? Because putting offactivities that make you feel great and give you pleasure does have its advantages. When you give yourself a healthy dose of self-discipline, you do something difficult first in order to reward yourself later. There’s even science to back this up: Stanford University’s Marshmallow Experiment shows how delayed gratification can increase your chances at succeeding in many areas of your life. You can:
Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing deep work. It will help you reduce the amount of procrastination you feel when you’re trying to prep for exams or meet deadlines for work projects. Use the first 4 hours of the day to read, write, problem-solve. Your brain will be able to focus more effectively.
Resist the usual routine of waking up and reaching for your phone to start scrolling. If you’re like most people, you probably like to check email, Twitter, funny Tik Tok videos, websites, blogs, or even games. One good way to resist this is to turn off all notifications so you don’t see them pop up every time there’s a new post somewhere.
Leave conversations, social media, and TV activities for the evening. Once you’re done with work for the day, of course you need to rest and have fun. Hold yourself accountable and don’t do things just for the pleasure of it unless you’ve completed your daily work goals.
#3. Avoid wasting time on pointless activities.
The Roman Stoic philosopherSeneca devotes a section of his book On the Shortness of Life to this problem. Indulging in pointless activities was an issue for many people back then, too. Seneca describes gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and trying to impress others. If you think about it, it’s not that different from our world today. There are ways to use your time more wisely. You can:
Reduce your exposure to social media. Find a way to measure how much time you spend on Twitter, for example, and when you usually do this. Make a plan to reduce the total time and to check updates only in the evening.
Don’t indulge in gossip and complaining when talking to friends. What would be the point, the end result of such an activity? You can’t change people’s behavior, and they won’t care about your opinion of them anyway. Find other topics that are more helpful and interesting. Use the time to learn something new from one another, tell a funny story, or share a positive experience.
Keep one specific goal top of mind. When you’re focused on a personal or professional goal, you’re less likely to distract yourself with activities that will take you away from it. A good habit to practice each morning is to ask yourself, What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Your answer will help your brain focus better because it won’t have to constantly evaluate and make decisions. And the rest of the day you’ll know that this is your mission and you will do what it takes to accomplish it. Just like in the words of Seneca, “Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation.”
📖 I’ve been a big advocate of Stoicism for quite a while, so I created a workbook called 7 Ways to Practice Stoicism: Become more resilient, reduce fear and suffering, and lead a content life. It includes question prompts, a workbook section, a list of recommended reading, a weekly plan template, and an obstacle journal template. If this topic sounds interesting, you can learn more about the workbook here.
To form habits (also to change them), you need to repeat a certain behavior, preferably every day. Of course, this will take some time. Habits are not formed overnight.
Your brain also needs to be on board with the habit (or habit change) you are attempting. When you start practicing a new habit, your brain will resist at first. Why do you want to get up so early? We like it here in this warm bed! Why don’t you have another slice of apple pie? It tastes so good and you deserve it after working so hard.
And don’t forget what your role is in all this — that voice of yours that starts having expectations that the habit has to start smoothly and that you’ll see results quickly, then the feeling of disappointment and frustration when you don’t achieve everything at once. I have to lose 10 pounds in one month. I must quit smoking right now. I have to write a novel while I’m on vacation. I need to read one book a day.
How do you achieve repetition and make realistic changes every day?
It will help if you:
Make your habit simple.
In fact, so simple that all you should do is start with tiny steps. Do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes this month. Find a breakfast idea that’s healthy and simple to execute in 5 minutes or less. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book, even if that means reading ten pages.
Do it as early in the day as possible.
We all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day, so if you want to focus on your top priority — your new habit — work on it early. Practice a new skill before lunchtime while you’re still energized and focused. If you’re focused on creativity, practice sketching or painting or writing for one hour. Don’t leave these activities for late at night when you might feel exhausted from the day.
Don’t do it just once a week.
Why not? Sporadic repetition is less likely to make a habit stick. Your brain will start thinking this is an optional activity, not a necessary one. You’ll get better results if you start doing it more frequently so you brain gets accustomed to it and eventually adopts the new behavior as a regular part of the day. How can you do this? Schedule it in a daily planner or add it to your mobile phone monthly calendar, then set a notification to remind you an hour or two ahead of time when to start.
Always remind yourself that your habit is a choice and not punishment.
When you start doing something different, always ask yourself, Why am I doing this? What will this new behavior afford me? It’s important to stay connected to the initial reason for picking the new habit. Maybe you want to work out to improve your health and lose weight. Or maybe you want to work on creative skills like bread-making or playing guitar. Think about how you’ll feel after you’ve succeeded in making this habit a part of your everyday life. Choosing a positive behavior will make you feel stronger, more powerful, and more proactive.
When things get tough, resist the urge to quit.
The writer Seth Godin said, Never quit something with great long-term potential just because you can’t deal with the stress of the moment. Stop for a minute and be aware of the stress you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. If keeping a new habit is stressing you out, figure out why. It’s not easy to eat healthy meals if your family binges on pizza every night. Or, it’s tough to accept that you’re not the fittest, most productive, or well-read person in your social circle. That’s still OK. Fight the urge to give up when things get tough. Know the difference between what feels hard right now and what’s good for you in the long run. Keep your eyes straight ahead, one day — one habit — one step at a time.
Did you find this answer helpful? Follow me on Medium for more posts on building positive habits and instilling self-discipline.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you already are self-disciplined in some areas of your life. Maybe you have your breakfast at the same time each morning, or you set aside a few hours last night to prepare for an important work meeting. The question is how important is self-discipline to you, and what are some ways to boost it in your daily life.
I found it helpful to think of it like this: you can increase self-discipline if you:
Limit your excuses. It’s something we all do. There isn’t enough time in the day, I woke up too late, I need to treat myself after a long day at work. If you want to get serious about self-discipline, treat your excuses as your enemy. They are what’s standing between you and taking action, between you and seeing results. Are they really worth it? Identify what is preventing you from moving forward and assess whether that reason is big enough (or important enough) to derail your day. Once you make the time to look at your excuse calmly and rationally, you’ll figure out how to reduce it and pay less attention to it.
Find a SME (subject matter expert). This can be anyone, from someone you know in your social network to a well-known person like a podcast host, public speaker, or athlete. The key to finding the right SME is to look for someone whose traits, habits, and lifestyle you admire. It should be someone who is a thought leader, someone who has achieved mastery in their field, and someone who has more experience under their belt. Then start reading and listening to what they have to say. Subscribe to their blog, Twitter account, Quora profile, or podcast — and follow what they say every day. By absorbing their learnings and life experience, you’ll set yourself up to get on the same path.
Identify what you want and write it down. More often than not, we make grand statements like, I want to have a million dollars or I want to be an expert in my field or I want to win this competition. But those statements are too abstract; it’s as if we are chasing a vague image that’s somewhere on the horizon, but we don’t actually know what it is. Make your goals reachable by tightening them up. Start with a list where you brainstorm all the possibilities. Be as specific as possible. If you want a higher-paying job, write down the role you want and a specific number for a salary (“I want to work as a senior data analyst at company X and earn an annual income of… “). If you want to get fit and lose weight, write down what that will take (“I want to lose 20 pounds by October, which means I’ll change my diet and work out Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.”).
Start small. If you are feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things you need to do to reach a goal, you’re not alone. Most of us feel this way. This is why it is so important to start the journey with a very small habit — the smaller it is, the greater the chance it will stick. A good way to do this is to select one of the goals from your list and start there. This doesn’t mean you’ll ignore everything else, but rather that you’re helping your brain focus on the goal most important to you right now. Next, find a small block of time where you’ll do something to get you moving in the direction of the goal. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, start by turning on the timer for 15 minutes and going outside for a brisk walk around your neighborhood.
Turn your timer into your best self-discipline tool. Locate the timer on your mobile phone (usually it’s in the built-in clock app). Or, get a multi-timer app which you can customize for different recurring habits (working out, meal prep, house chores, reading, cooking, etc.). Make it a point never to start working on anything without setting a timer. It’s an excellent tool to keep you focused, better manage your time, strategize the day by prioritizing tasks, and even help you feel more relaxed and less worried about “all that work you must do.” Have to clean the house? Set the timer for 15 minutes and see how much you can do in one go. Want to review for your exam? Set the timer for 25 minutes (that’s the length of one Pomodoro session), then take a break.
Keep the same schedule every day. You won’t achieve greater self-discipline if you work early one day, then leave the same work for the evening of the next day. If you’re going to build better habits and make them stick, train your brain to do the same type of work at the same time. Learn more about the circadian rhythm (our natural biorhythm) to maximize your morning, afternoon, and evening. For example, most people reach their peak cognitive performance up to 4 hours after waking up, which may be the best time for complex cognitive activities like studying, reading, writing, and problem-solving. If you typically spend mornings answering emails, you may want to rethink how you’re using that time and if you can save email checking for later in the day.
Track everything in a bullet journal. It’s one thing to say you’re making progress on a goal or improving a habit. But how do you actually know that you are? Let’s say that three years from today you’ll find yourself struggling to make progress on a goal very similar to the one you’re working on right now. Wouldn’t it be great if the recipe for success were right there, written out like a formula in a notebook? That’s where the bullet journal comes in handy. It is a dedicated journal where you track what you’re doing every day. You can create a monthly and weekly grid, and then map out your time into the smallest increments (hourly or less). This is something you can prepare for the month ahead on a Saturday morning before the new month begins. When you have your plan written out, all you need to do is stick to it, mark everything, and even jot down a few notes on what went well that day, or what didn’t go as planned. That way you are documenting every step to learn from it, and to show your future self how exactly to achieve the result you want.
⏱🏃🏾♂️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.
Punishment is a penalty imposed by someone in a position of authority as a response to another person’s action or behavior that is considered undesirable or unacceptable.
For most of us, it’s likely that this word reminds us of childhood andbeing punished by parents for breaking things in the house, not cleaning up our room, getting a bad grade in school, and so on. If you were to ask many parents, in this “traditional” sense they saw discipline as a learning tool to correct their children’s behavior, which was often administered as either physical punishment (spanking), verbal punishment (yelling or belittling), isolating the child (being sent to their room), or giving children chores like mowing the lawn or washing dishes.
As adults, on the other hand, we hear the word discipline as something that is self-imposed — often as the concept of self-discipline. Because we’re used to linking the word discipline with punishment, we may immediately think this is something harsh, unnecessary, and extreme. That’s why many people don’t like to explore this concept and how they could benefit from it.
Self-discipline is the ability to control yourself and work hard or behave in a particular way without needing someone else tell you what to do. Rather than a punishment that is linked to an undesirable behavior and needs to be imposed for a limited time, self-discipline is a broader concept. It is a skill, a lifestyle, an attitude, and a mindset. We can practice it for as long as we want, in any way we want, and in any area of life we choose (personal or professional) so that it can help us get from point A to point B. And not only that: it can make our goals feel real, not abstract. Close, not far away. Achievable, not unrealistic.
In summary, self-discipline can give us freedom to design the life we want for ourselves instead of going aimlessly from day to day, month to month, year to year, without an idea of what we’re supposed to do and why.
It can be achieved in many ways. Some examples include:
Starting your day with a question to boost focus: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?
Doing deep work in the first 2–4 hours after waking up: these can be complex cognitive tasks like studying, reading, problem-solving.
Making it a goal to do the hard work first, then reward yourself later (a.k.a. practice the Marshmallow experiment).
Eliminating distractions and don’t let social media run your life.
Practicing a growth mindset way of thinking to continuously challenge yourself to learn something new and get better at skills every day .
📖✏️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.
A better question is to ask yourself, What am I prepared to do to grow into a version of myself I can be proud of 10 or 20 years from now?
Ultimately, it’s how you talk to yourself that will determine the outcome. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” In other words, it’s all about what you believe you are capable of doing. It’s the story you tell yourself that will ultimately determine the course of your life and the ways in which you can change yourself for the better.
Changing yourself does not happen automatically over time. You are the person who can make the future version of you happen. One skill that will help you achieve this goal is self-discipline. It is an essential life skill and also an attitude, a mindset, even a way of life. There are three main qualities that self-discipline will bring into your life:
It will put you in charge. This means it is you who decides today that you’ll get better at something, create something of value, or commit to a goal that will benefit you 10 or 20 years from now.
It will help you gain freedom. Freedom to grow. Freedom to achieve mastery. Freedom to lead a life with more purpose.
It will give you the strength to take that first step. It helps you do something important today. And when you do, you’ll notice how self-discipline can transform your life.
How can you develop this skill to make changes in your life? I’ll give a few examples.
#1. Focus on it early.
If you are determined to make a change in your life — any change — get a head start early the day. Mornings are when you set the tone to the next 12–16 hours of your life. You can choose to be reactive, which can mean you wake up, get your phone, and start checking emails, Twitter, or Instagram. You might watch the news and get caught up in world events, none of which you can control. Or, you might answer calls or respond to text messages that your friends start sending you during breakfast. If you’d like to create a different beginning to your day, train your brain to be focused as soon as you wake up.
How to do this?
Start your day with this question: “What is the one thing I am committed to completing today?” It can be getting work done to avoid procrastination, making progress towards a goal, or starting a new fitness habit to help you lose weight. Whatever it is, put it in writing. Write it in large letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action — focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.
#2. Get hard work out of the way as early as possible.
Leading a self-disciplined life is critical to making real changes, and you can’t achieve it by letting each moment distract you. There will always be emails to read, friends to exchange messages with, TV shows to watch, and so on. Timing — just like in most other aspects of your life — is everything. Being self-disciplined means you do your hard work first before you do anything for pleasure. It means you are aware of which times of day should be devoted to doing hard work, and which times can be allotted to entertainment and socializing.
How to do this?
Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing your hard work early. This means taking full advantage of your circadian rhythm. For most people, the early morning hours are optimal for doing deep work—work that requires a lot of concentration. Specifically, the brain’s peak performance is 2-4 hours after we wake up. So if you wake up at 6, then your peak times are between 8 and 10 a.m. Working early allows your brain to focus fully on what is important to you: a cognitive task, a goal, a skill you’re working on, or a positive habit you want to practice.
#3. Leave the pleasant things for later.
If doing hard work early helps you focus better, the natural side effect of self-discipline is that you start postponing things that are more pleasurable. Why should you do something difficult first then reward yourself later? You’d be surprised how far-reaching this practice can be. In a study performed by Stanford University scientists, results showed that delayed gratification can increase your chance at succeeding in many areas of your life — your education, career, short and long term goals, even your personal life choices. This study is now famous and is called the Marshmallow experiment.
How to do this?
Start by observing the things you’d like to indulge in whenever the opportunity presents itself. It can be scrolling through your Instagram feed, or watching funny videos on Reddit, or getting a second helping of leftover cake from the fridge. Resist the temptation to immediately choose to treat yourself by thinking of one reason why not to indulge: maybe you’re starting the month with new fitness goals, better eating habits, improved focus on your studies. Then follow up — take your attention away from the distractions and focus on your priorities for the day. Think about how they will help you make the changes you need to become that future version of you.
#4. Say no more often — to yourself and to others.
Leading a self-disciplined life means that you learn to say no to many different things: giving in to temptations to indulge in pleasant activities, curbing your desire to procrastinate on daily priorities, and not letting distractions take over your day. They may seem harmless to begin with, but distractions can easily make you slip from your work. One minute you’re just catching up with an old friend on WhatsApp, and the next thing you know it’s two hours later and you haven’t picked up your notes to start prepping for your exam. When you turn off what distracts you, you have a better chance to actually get stuff done — and this is where the real change happens.
How to do this?
Start with your personal devices. Set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus on your work — try it for a 2-hour period to begin. Let people around you (family members, friends, or roommates) know you won’t be available to respond to messages and calls for a few hours. Check your email and social media apps at certain intervals only 2–3 times a day. Avoid browsing the Internet or reading news throughout the day, and close all tabs in your browser so you’re not tempted to do yet another Google search on a random topic.
#5. Practice more optimism about what you already have.
Optimism — being hopeful and confident about the future — can give you a jolt of energy in moments when you are feeling down. And yes, we all need more of it. There’s quite a lot of negativity people bring into their daily lives and it’s often based on how they compare themselves to other people. Why can’t I do what he did? How am I not that successful? Why does it look so easy when she does that, but it’s hard for me? This way of thinking is disempowering and limiting. But when we practice gratitude, we can rewire our brain to think about positive things (the things that we do have going for us) instead of obsessing about everything we don’t have that leaves us feeling frustrated and unhappy.
How to do this?
Practice gratitude early so you can feel the effects throughout the day. Take a few minutes when you wake up and before you start getting ready for work or school. Focus only on three things you are grateful for today — having a warm bed to sleep in, a job that pays the bills (or a school that will enable you to get a degree necessary for getting a job), a friend or a partner who you trust, even a dog or cat that you have as your pet. Be specific. If it’s one person you’re grateful for having in your life, emphasize which of their qualities you are grateful for: they’re smart, funny, honest, and so on.
📖✏️ If you are determined to change some things in your life, self-discipline will help you get there faster. I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit which includes two e-books (a workbook and journal) you can use every day to build out this valuable skill. Read more about it here.
Did you ever observe small children as they learn to walk? They’re falling over all the time because their sense of balance is not fully developed. Walking is a brand new habit they’re just starting. And as they practice it they keep falling, sometimes in tiny ways and other times in bigger and more painful ways.
Yet they keep getting up, keep trying, keep walking.
And that’s exactly how you should think of habits — as a collection of small steps you make over time.
When you skip a step here and there, it doesn’t make your goal any less important. The key is to keep your eyes on the goal. Stay focused. Don’t awfulize and make a big deal of the lapse. Keep moving forward.
As you are building out your daily habits, there are a few things that can help you stay consistent. I’ll share some examples.
👉🏾 Keep it simple.
Every habit we’d like to acquire needs self-discipline, time, and repetition. You may want to start reading more effectively, or stop eating a big dinner, or get more sleep. The key to keeping a good habit stick is to make it simple so you don’t find it intimidating, exhausting, and overwhelming. You can start with tiny steps. Set a timer for 15 minutes and see if you can read 20 pages of a book. Have a snack in the mid-afternoon so you’re not starving by dinnertime. Start going to bed a bit earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax.
👉🏾 Maximize willpower early in the day.
When we start the day, we are often overwhelmed with the amount of things we need to do, so we tend to procrastinate on some of those things and postpone them for later in the day. That goes for new habits too. But what a missed opportunity! Think of it this way. We all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day, so if you want to focus on your top priority (your new habit) work on it early. Practice a new skill before lunchtime while you’re still energized and focused on your top goals. That could be writing one paragraph of a short story or finishing one chapter of a textbook while jotting down notes. Don’t leave this activity for late at night when you’re mentally exhausted.
👉🏾 Stick to a schedule.
This part is critical. It’s much less likely you will make any habit stick if you just practice it once or twice a week. Why? Because if you do, your brain will start thinking this is an optional activity, something you just do on the side. Instead, you’ll get better results if you starting doing it more frequently so you brain gets accustomed to it and eventually adopts it as a regular part of the day. How can you do this? Schedule it in. Find a block of time (preferably earlier in the day) to work on your habit so that you’ll be successful at it. Mark it in your daily planner, or add it to your mobile phone monthly calendar, then set a notification to remind you an hour or two ahead of time when you should practice it.
👉🏾 Instead of saying, “I can’t,” say “Why not try?”
It’s a small and subtle shift in your attitude but it can reap big results over time, especially if you keep practicing it. You know the feeling when you’re trying to do something new and it’s just not going well? The first instinctive reaction is to say, I can’t! And that’s a human reaction. But the key here is to replace a negative statement with an open-ended and positive one. When we say, Why not try? we give ourselves more power to make a positive change in our life. We leave some space open for possibilities, instead of shutting the door in our own face. It’s a matter of seeing things as doable and realistic, instead of making them appear abstract and impossible to achieve.
👉🏾 Resist the urge to quit.
The writer Seth Godin said, “Never quit something with great long-term potential just because you can’t deal with the stress of the moment.” It’s important to stop for a minute and identify the stress you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. If you’re stressed out about keeping up with a new habit, figure out why. Maybe it’s not easy to stick to your diet if your partner wants to eat pizza three times a week. Maybe your ego finds it tough to deal with not being the best in a kickboxing class you recently participated in. Fight the urge to give up when things get tough.Know the difference between what feels hard to do right now and what’s good for you in the long run. And think ahead — there’s that goal you’re working towards and you will feel proud of yourself when you reach it!
It’s the time when it’s still dark out, your bed is warm, the pillow is exactly in the shape you want it to be, there are drops of rain hitting your window, and everyone else in your neighborhood is still fast asleep.
Did I mention it’s also the time when you’ll be cranky and wonder, Why do I have to drag myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth and splash my face with cold water to open my eyes? Why would I do that to myself? Is it really necessary?
I have been wondering the same things myself. This is a new habit I’ve been practicing for the past few months, and even though I am a morning person it’s been an adjustment. I started going to bed just a bit earlier so I don’t miss out on sleep. I started eating dinner earlier too, which is unusual for me. But these small shifts in my nighttime routine aren’t that big of a deal.
What I get is all this extra time — such a luxury.
Here’s what I realized I gained by making this change.
More time in the day. It’s as if someone gave you the gift of time and all of a sudden your day has expanded and feels much longer than usual. Just enough to be able to relax and not worry whether you’ll have time to get your work done. The whole idea of time management doesn’t seem as daunting. Also, there’s no need to constantly rush from one thing to the next, nor do you feel you need to multitask to stay on top of everything.
Silence. If you live in a noisy household or neighborhood, you know just how much noise can be distracting. Whenever you’re working or studying from home, you’re trying to find a corner where you can do your work quietly, and you crank up the music to drown out sounds of traffic. You might even put in ear plugs to get some peace and quiet. But when you’re up early, none of those things are a problem.
Better focus. Not just because it’s quiet, but also because your brain is well rested — provided you got enough sleep the night before. The early morning hours are that golden time when you haven’t yet inundated yourself with new information coming from all sides — the news, phone calls, scrolling through Twitter or Instagram. It’s calm. There’s more space to concentrate on what’s in front of you.
Doing deep work even earlier. As I have written before, I’m a big advocate of doing deep work early in the day because it’s easier to problem-solve, read, write, and do other complex cognitive tasks when you do them while your energy and willpower levels are still high. The sooner you tackle these difficult tasks, the better you’ll start feeling about your day. Which brings me to the next point.
More confidence in skills. Extra time means you can practice whatever is important to get to a specific goal. It can be creating a study plan to prepare for exams, writing an article or research paper for work, or finishing a section of a large project. The more you spend time on something, the more steps you can take towards a goal. You find yourself problem-solving, learning, managing your time better, and improving the way you work. The result? More confidence and willingness to keep practicing this habit.
It’s a new year — and like most people, you’re probably wondering what is a good new thing to try that will improve your life in some way. I recommend this one. Try it for one week and see what happens!
If you’re dedicated to build more self-discipline in your life:
Don’t treat it as an extracurricular activity. Don’t practice something for one week then say to yourself, Ooooh this is tougher than I thought. Maybe it’s not for me.
Ask yourself, What’s in this for me? If I persevere, what are the concrete benefits I will get? Understanding the reason for doing something differently is key. You need to get your brain on board that this change is a positive one.
Stop procrastinating and start doing. This means you should identify one area of your life where you’d like to see more improvement. Is it prioritizing work? Spending less time on Twitter? Going to bed earlier? Give yourself a place from which to start.
There are many habits that can boost your self-discipline. For example:
#1. Train your brain to focus on what’s most important.
This is a simple routine you can practice in the morning. The goal of the routine is to get your brain used to making decisions on what it needs to focus on as soon as you wake up. Here’s how I practice it. I start my day with this question: “What is the onething I am committed to completing today?” This technique gets my brain to start evaluating the goals that are important to me right now and forces me to prioritize one goal that needs attention immediately. In addition, I give myself the time to think about what’s important in my life, instead of letting other people or situations dictate what I should or shouldn’t be doing.
What’s the process?
Write the question down in big letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action: focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.
#2. Maximize your willpower.
When we wake up to begin our day, it’s common for most of us to feel a sense of overwhelm because there are so many things we need to do, from small routine tasks to working on large projects towards bigger goals, both professional and personal. As a result, our first response might be to delay doing anything (because it’s hard to decide what to do and in what order), which translates into a bad habit of procrastinating. That’s a self-imposed obstacle. Why? Because we all have a finite amount of willpower that takes us through the day. And that willpower gets weaker and weaker as the day progresses. So if you think you’ll start writing that essay after dinner, think again. Chances are you’ll put if off some more and turn to your TV instead.
What’s the process?
Practicing self-discipline means that if you want to focus on priorities, you should work on them early. As early in the day as possible — in fact, start right after breakfast. Do that task that you’ve been putting off all week before lunchtime. Write up a plan for the school or work week ahead of time. Finish up doing homework or reviewing your exam questions that you’ve been procrastinating on for days because you’d rather do something more fun. The benefit? You gain a sense of accomplishment early that will make you feel better about the whole day.
#3. Treat a new habit as a choice instead of punishment.
OK, so you’ve figured out that there’s something in your life you’d like to change because you don’t like what you’re currently doing (or not doing). It can be a fitness goal you’d like to reach (start running in the mornings like you used to in college), a health benefit (stop eating dinner in restaurants three times a week), or better manage your time (get more sleep instead of watching shows on Netflix until 2 a.m.). All those new habits you want to acquire will need self-discipline, time, and repetition. If this sounds unappealing, it’s because you make it sound that way: you feel like you “should” be doing something difficult when you’d rather be relaxing.
What’s the process?
First, stop telling yourself that keeping a life-changing habit is a way to punish yourself. That’s the wrong attitude to have for anything in your life. If you keep thinking this way, you might give up on many things that can make a huge difference for you. Instead, think of a new habit as a choice that you make in order to become a better version of yourself. And next, make the change as easy as possible by starting with tiny steps. Instead of saying you have to hit the gym for two hours each evening after work, do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes each day to give your body time to adjust. Or, start going to bed 15 minutes earlier and read a good book or listen to relaxing music to help you fall asleep faster.
#4. Learn to manage your busy thoughts.
Having random thoughts pop up throughout the day — sometimes fast, sometimes related to what’s happening around us, or sometimes worrying about the future — isn’t anything unusual. The older we get, the more cognitive input we have, and we often struggle to categorize this input. What’s relevant to our life and what isn’t? Which problem do I need to solve? Is this something I can control, or can I let it go? The goal should be not to let all these thought determine your mood, affect your behavior, and force you to make decisions you wouldn’t be making if you just had some time to sit and think about what needs to be done next. There are ways to manage your thoughts better.
What’s the process?
First, it’s important to be aware that if you feel overwhelmed, have negative or self-critical thoughts, or find yourself ruminating on past events and personal failures, you are not alone. The good news is this: even though you may think it, you are not your thoughts. You are much bigger than your thoughts! And second, start considering a few habits to reign in those thoughts and categorize them as either relevant or just dramatic. You can start with a 10-minute meditation to calm your thoughts and even slow down the chaos. An excellent app to try is Headspace. Also, you can devote 30 minutes a day to being outside in a park or by the beach. Spending some time in nature really does positively affect the brain.
#5. Say no to what distracts you.
If you think that all the gadgets and toys we have at our disposal today are to blame for getting distracted easily, think again. Even the Roman Stoic philosopherSeneca wrote about this, and the topic is featured in his book On the Shortness of Life. Seneca describes people’s struggles with gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and always trying to impress others. Sound familiar? Maybe today we don’t host lavish banquets to impress our guests, but we do pay attention to what we see on social media and we observe the images of surreal lifestyles on Facebook or Instagram. And that often leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, envy, and self-criticism.
What’s the process?
First, take everything you see on social media with a grain of salt. Chances are those pictures and updates are not a real representation of everyday life, but rather a tactic someone is using to sell a product, service, or brand. And second, don’t waste your time on distractions if they don’t serve the purpose of adding value to your life. Set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus, especially in the first few hours of the day. Let people in your inner circle know you won’t be available for a few hours. Check email and social media apps in the afternoons and evening, instead of spending the first 30 minutes of your day on them. Close all tabs on your browser that may be tempting you to unfocus from your important work.
📖✏️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.
The personal kind. The kind where you challenge that bad habit every single day. You resist it. You question the hold it has over you. You fight it. One step at a time. Today. Tomorrow. The rest of the week. All month long. The month after that. And the month after that one.
To keep your personal revolution going, you also start talking to yourself differently.
You put an end to saying things like, I can’t stop doing this! It’s impossible to quit! I am weak! I will never get out of this!
Instead of the negative self-talk, you switch the language you use by saying things like, Why shouldn’t I try to stop doing this? What’s holding me back? How can I prove to myself that I can be strong? How can I get out of this?
And finally, to start seeing results of this new way of thinking, you’ll need to take action. A revolution isn’t necessarily something abrupt that takes 24 hours to complete. It’s a series of steps that you plan carefully and then go through, one by one.
Here are 5 steps to ensure that you stay on track with your personal revolution against the bad habit in your life.
STEP 1. Give yourself some time to think if there’s something hiding behind your “I can’t!” Maybe it’s the fear of not being able to do something successfully, or not knowing how to stay away from things you know aren’t good for you, or feeling OK to stay in your comfort zone, or not having enough self-discipline to get out of it.
STEP 2. Ask yourself why you are feeling so much resistance. Be honest. What are the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing right now? Is there fear of any kind, a need to distract yourself because you’re avoiding something, or is there some other benefit you believe you’re getting by keeping the bad habit? Find out what it is so you can do something about it.
STEP 3. Think how a habit change can benefit you. It can be truly a life-changing experience! For example, you can win over the fear that’s been following you for a long time. You can lead a healthier life. You can reach a goal that matters to you by getting all obstacles out of the way. Not to mention how great you’ll feel once you put the bad habit behind you!
STEP 4. Ask the question, Why shouldn’t I try to stop doing this? Then observe how your brain reacts to the question. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Do you immediately look for obstacles if you try something different, do the words give you courage to act differently, do you feel you have more freedom to contemplate what a positive outcome will bring you?
STEP 5. Consider the future for a moment. What would your life be like if you decided to challenge more things that no longer serve you? Which fears are holding you back from reaching an important goal? How can you respond to those fears by keeping an open dialogue with yourself? How can you be more supportive and encouraging every day? By answering these types of questions you can teach yourself to deal with obstacles like this one and take ownership of your life, one step at a time.
✏️📖 I created a workbook on this topic called Train Your Brain to Break Bad Habits. It includes 7 steps to change a habit you don’t want to keep in your life any more, and tips to replace it with a positive habit. You can learn more about it here.
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