It’s the third week of January and the year is already in full swing. How are you doing?
A few things on my mind these past few weeks are:
January blahs (or blues?)
I’m noticing fewer and fewer holiday decorations that made homes look more magical in November and December. Shouldn’t the beginning of the year be celebrated, too? Since the days are still short and nighttime feels longer, it helps to make things look cozy indoors. I am a big fan of lighting candles, having some small lamps brighten up dark corners, and adding a colorful blanket to the couch.
New Year’s resolutions
How are they working out so far for you? For many years, I would have a ritual at the end of December of writing a list of New Year’s resolutions in my journal. On the upside, I find it interesting to re-read these lists and notice how the same items pop up year after year. On the other hand, I’ve probably written list after list of goals and resolutions that were too much, too soon. This year, I’m ditching this habit and replacing it with NO LISTS. Instead, I’m using the time to think of 1-2 goals that are important to me, and coming up with some ways to break them down into small steps. And speaking of steps…
Do you feel overwhelmed with the amount of things you have to do?
It’s normal to keep track of tasks, schedules, bullet journal entries. But watch out for writing down too many things you need to do every single day. Real life goes something like this: For each day, we write a list of “to-do’s” and often we manage to do some of them. But life gets busy and we don’t always finish everything on a given day, so on the next day we have whatever we initially planned PLUS the leftover tasks. Next thing you know, it’s the snowball effect: tasks get carried over, they don’t get all done, and by the end of the week we feel overwhelmed with what’s left. I’m trying to minimize my lists this year by writing down only the top-priority items for each day, and I treat the rest as “nice to finish” but not as “must finish” tasks. The effect? It feels like a relief to see a shorter list in my notebook. When evening comes, I can go out for a walk and find a little pocket of time to think. Or relax. Or just enjoy the fresh air. It’s a much calmer way to end the day.
What has your January experience been like? Share in the comments when you find a minute.
Striving for perfection (and trust me, I know what I am talking about) is not what you think.
On the outside, we may want to come across as the kind of person who knows what to do, who has everything figured out, who is exceptional at their job. But that’s optics. It’s a story we tell the world around us.
Because on the inside, we may be scared and even terrified to make mistakes, we may be full of self-doubt about what can happen if we make the wrong choice and proceed in a direction where we’re bound to slip up and fail.
So what should one do with this perfection thing?
Let. It. Go.
If you don’t, you’ll remain in the same mode of trying to catch up to some impossible image of what things should be. Or could be. Or must be — just because others have done it (or claimed so).
Instead, use your time to practice self-discipline as a tool to improve in something important to you.
You can do this in three ways:
Turn every obstacle into a playground.
It’s highly likely you will encounter obstacles in every area of your life, from professional to personal and social interactions. Instead of blaming an obstacle for not letting you reach a short or long-term goal, make it work for you. Treat it like a playground where you get to practice. Give yourself space in this playground to look at the obstacle from all different angles. Ask yourself how can you turn it into something useful for you. Find out what specifically you can learn from the obstacle that you didn’t think of before. Keep an open mind.
Avoid the blame game.
The blame game is a game you play in your mind where you start focusing on someone or something else (in other words, an external force) that controlled the situation and didn’t allow you to succeed. As soon as you start blaming, you start allowing emotions to take over — you may feel angry, hurt, resentful, sad, despondent, or even hopeless. It’s absolutely OK to acknowledge all those feelings, but instead of taking action based on the feelings, try to look at the situation from a logical point of view. Be honest. What happened that may have contributed to your failure? Write down all possible reasons in a list, whether they’re very small or super big. Then, ask yourself how you can avoid making mistakes next time. By doing this exercise, you’re exploring ways to improve as opposed to wallowing in blame and negativity.
Understand that new things don’t have to be scary. If your professor or boss recommends that you use a new resource to track your work, don’t immediately label the new thing as unnecessary, bad, or a time-waster. Obviously, it will take a bit of time to figure out how this new thing works. But the feeling of discomfort at not knowing what to do will not last long. Ask yourself, how can this resource (textbook, database, app, tool) make my job easier? What are the advantages? Where can I go to find out more about how out works? When I get better at using it, how can this expertise help me reach a bigger goal?
You accept that the person who will help you change how you view, think, do everything — is YOU.
You understand that this will take work. A lot of work in which you will be learning something new every day. The new things may be uncomfortable at first and they’ll challenge you. You may fail — in fact, it’s guaranteed that you will fail at least a few times. The work will also require your physical and mental energy, your complete focus, a lot of time. And that’s ok. You know that these things cannot be rushed.
You are dedicated to making the change. Why? Because you know that the way you currently think, view life, and do things is not serving you anymore. Maybe it did in the past, but not today. Today that mindset may make you feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, even despondent. Which is why today you will make a promise to yourself that you’ll work on creating a better foundation for your future.
You know what needs changing. Sounds logical, right? But it’s hard to move forward if you don’t know exactly where the problem lies. Are you stuck in your comfort zone and can’t leave? Are you allowing yourself to be distracted so much that you cannot finish your work or studies? Are your goals too vague, too small or too big, or non-existent? Is your mindset too rigid and you don’t see how you can grow in a certain area of your life, whether it’s professional or personal?
You become self-disciplined and persistent in practicing the change. It’s not the easiest thing to wake up early in the morning and go for a run or do a workout, but if you want to see results, you do it. Or, you haven’t dedicated sufficient time to preparing for an upcoming exam so you accept that you wasted precious time, but today you create a strategy and plan of attack to make the best of the time you have left, starting right now.
You listen, stay focused, and develop a better understanding of yourself. Over the years, as we go through life, we absorb so much new input and listen to many other people that we often forget to look inward and check in with ourselves. How am I doing? Is this something that I know is good for me? Am I following the advice of other people or trying to impress someone? What do I want? Where do I want to go? What do I need to do to get there? In order to understand yourself better, spend time thinking, asking questions, learning, and adjusting your mindset to be more open to new things. Ask yourself, What else is possible? What else can I do?
Wishing things for yourself is like being in a cocoon.
Think of it as your comfort zone in which you get to dream, think, imagine. It’s the space to think of a million scenarios where things go your way, you live a wonderful life, have a beautiful home, enjoy the company of a partner who is a perfect fit for you, have a job that earns an income large enough so you can live comfortably and still have enough money to go on vacations to tropical destinations of your choice.
Speaking of destinations, that’s the thing.
Your cocoon of dreaming and wishing shouldn’t be a destination in itself. It should be a starting point.
You can use that time to prioritize what are the things most important to you and your personal growth. Then you can create goals so that those wishes don’t just stay in the realm of your imagination. They can be the motivational force to move you forward into a future you can create for yourself.
The good thing about goals is that they give your dreams a sense of purpose — you have an awareness of what you desire in life, which extends beyond what’s happening in your current life. Once you know what it is you desire, you can be honest with yourself about how badly you want it.
Are you willing to give up a bad habit today so you can invest in a better life two years from now?
Can you be self-disciplined to build habits that will keep you on track toward reaching an important goal?
How will you measure your progress and stay motivated to keep going until you get there?
What do you imagine it will feel like when you do eventually reach that goal?
Those are the questions that will help you step out of the cocoon of wishes and dreams, and on to the path towards making tangible, real changes in your life.
This path includes having an action plan that consists of the following steps:
1. You think about what you want your dream life to be.
Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:
Where do you want to be 1, 5, or even 10 years from now? Don’t think only geography and economy of your country, but more in terms of personal development and skill level.
Who do you want to become in your career — a leader, CEO of a startup, data analyst in a Fortune 500 company, innovator, scientist, writer?
What is your dream scenario — living a life in a specific city, becoming an expert at something, being surrounded by smart and interesting people who contribute to my personal growth and well-being?
2. You create a specific goal.
Don’t just stop at dreaming and wishing a certain lifestyle for yourself. If you’re stuck in the imaginary world, your brain won’t know what to focus on and how to take action on an idea you’re thinking about.
Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job, or move out of my parents’ house, or get fit, or have a large salary.
Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you want to get a job of your dreams, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills + new skills you’re working on].
3. You see everything you do as a personal choice, not an obligation.
This is largely a mindset issue because there is a big difference between feeling forced to do something and choosing to do it.
Tell yourself, “I really want to see myself succeed at this!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you’re reacting to things or you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
Remind yourself of the reason for action with this question: “Why am I choosing this goal?” Make the connection with the initial wishes and dreams you had for yourself at the beginning. It can be passing all exams so you can graduate from college, start your own business, earn a promotion that will help you save up more money to purchase a home, etc.
4. You schedule it in.
Set aside one hour after dinner tonight to create a schedule that will make your dreams more tangible and real.
Select your top 3 personal goals. They can be anything you’ve been dreaming about for years, or something you’ve started considering more seriously in the past year or two.
Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis. It can be to practice a skill three times a week, set aside an hour a day to focus and do research, or sign up for a class to broaden your knowledge in a field.
Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside blocks of time to making progress in the areas you’ve identified. Start small, with a 15–30 minute block of time. You’ll be surprised how much the time adds up without you having to give up on other things you need to do during the day.
5. You measure your progress.
After following your new goal schedule for one week, make an assessment of the progress you made. Be honest in answering the following questions:
Did some activities take more time than you anticipated? If so, why?
What was easy to do? Why do you think it wasn’t as difficult as you initially thought?
What could you have done better? Could you have started earlier in the day, turned off distractions, or used shortcuts to save time without sacrificing the quality of your work?
In what way can you improve the following week? Can you focus only on one activity to make significant progress?
How will you measure your progress? Can you set milestones to reach by the end of each week, or deadlines that will keep you on track? Will you track your progress in a spreadsheet or a bullet journal?
I think the answer is a combination of several things: understanding yourself and what you truly want, focusing less on what other people want, being realistic, holding yourself accountable, and starting with a simple question that will encourage you to take action.
This is an exercise in introspection. Allow yourself some time to focus on each element, ask yourself questions that will get your mindset on board about goal-setting, and if you’d like use this opportunity to write down your answers. This will be your blueprint for moving forward.
Ready?
Here are the 5 steps.
STEP 1. Think about which goals are the right fit for you.
You may initially think that every goal you currently have set for yourself is a right fit. But what if that’s not the case? It often happens that while we’re thinking about goals, we get distracted by what we hear. It’s inevitable — sooner or later you will hear other people give you advice and share their ideas of what they want you to do, what they discourage you from doing, and who they want you to become (this goes for professional and personal life, and even your role in the community you live in). This is exactly why it’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself, from a goal that was suggested by or imposed by someone else — a family member, best friend, partner, or even someone you don’t know personally but admire and follow on social media.
Ask yourself:
Is this someone else’s goal? If it is, it won’t be realistic for you and your specific personal or professional aspirations. And if it’s not realistic for you, then you will have a difficult time being motivated to work on it.
If it’s my goal, how much do I care about reaching it? Is it something I’ve always wanted for myself, but was afraid to admit it? Is it a goal that, once I reach it, will give me more confidence and boost my life experience?
STEP 2. Think big and think forward.
Thinking big means exactly that — consider everything you would ideally want for yourself in life. You can call it creating the “big picture” of your life. Of course, this is the best case scenario, the ideal version, something you may have dreamt about since you were younger. Thinking forward is the second part — it’s not necessarily what you hope to achieve in six months or a year from now, but what you would like your life to be in a decade or two.
Ask yourself:
WHERE do I see myself in the future five or ten years from today? It doesn’t have to mean a specific geographical region, city, or country; it’s more about where you see yourself in terms of personal development and types of skills you want to have.
WHO do I want to become? Yes, it can be who you want to become professionally (CFO of a Fortune 100 company, college professor, professional athlete, business owner, chef); also, it can be the type of role you want to have in your community (organizer, leader, event planner, problem-solver, mentor).
WHAT is my ideal life scenario? Do I dream of living in a specific city or country, would I like to live with a partner and have a family, do I see myself as an expert in a particular field of expertise, what kind of social circle do I want to belong to, what does my version of work-life balance look like?
STEP 3. Put it in writing.
Now that you’ve given this topic some thought, it’s time to start writing things down. Here’s where you’ll turn your ideas about goals into specific steps you’ll take to make them feel more tangible and real. For this section of the exercise, you will need more time. I suggest you take a couple of hours one evening or weekend when you can write without distractions. Keeping your mind on what’s important will be critical to making progress.
Write down the following:
Your top 3 goals. They can be long-term goals you have been considering for years (but haven’t yet done anything about), a few professional goals you identified in the past year or two and maybe started working on for a while, or several goals you came up with as you’ve started this exercise.
Under each goal, write 3 things you need to do consistently to achieve it. This can mean practicing a skill three times a week, setting aside an hour a day for research, or taking an online class to earn a certificate or diploma you can add to your resume.
Make a schedule for the week. It doesn’t help to keep thinking about what needs to be done; it’s best to write the schedule and block off time to make progress in the areas you’ve identified. Keep it realistic. If this week you don’t have a lot of free time, schedule 30 minutes for an activity. It may not sound like a significant amount, but you’ll be surprised how much that time adds up without having to give up other activities you already know you’ll have to do.
STEP 4. Think about accountability.
If you’re working on something, it should all add up — in other words, it will help if you measure your success. If you don’t evaluate your efforts, how will you know if you’re on the right track? After following your new schedule for one week, assess how much progress you made.
Ask yourself:
Which activities were easy? What contributed to making them easy?
Which activities took more time than Ianticipated? Why did they take as long?
What areas can I improve on? For example, if I run out of time, which shortcuts can I try?
How much extra time can I dedicate to this? For example, can I add 30 more minutes to my schedule so I don’t feel rushed?
How will I measure my success? Can I set milestones for each week, create deadlines for myself, have a monthly recap of what went well and how much closer I am to my goals?
STEP 5. Encourage yourself to take action with one simple question.
This is a mini habit you can practice first thing in the morning. It shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes. Start the day by asking yourself, “What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today?” It’s a question I’ve been asking for many years and it has helped me to stay focused and prioritize only what’s the most important, without wasting time on evaluating many options and distracting myself with them.
Practice this habit by doing the following:
Write the question in large letterson a sheet of paper. Hang the paper on your bedroom or bathroom wall. The important part is that you can easily see it as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready.
Read it out loudin the morning. Come up with an answer on the spot. The trick is to get your eyes on it so that it becomes second nature and you don’t even think about having to glance over to it any more.
Think about your answer throughout the day. When you keep it top of mind, you won’t get easily distracted.
📘Goal-setting is one of the most popular topics on Quora, and I’ve written extensively about them for the past seven years. That’s why I created a workbook outlining these tips called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. Learn more about it on this page of my blog.
The first thing I would suggest is — don’t panic. It’s likely there are many other people in the 20s (and 30s) who don’t really think about life goals. There are so many things happening in our 20s. There’s the transition of leaving high school and going into university, and it’s like entering a whole new universe. In many ways, you start from the beginning: new school, new courses, new circle of friends, new social rules. Often this means leaving the family home, so you have to start learning new skills like how to take care of yourself, prepare meals, keep your apartment (or dorm room) clean, and manage your time to stay on top of studying.
It doesn’t leave a lot of room for goal-searching.
Still, at some point you will look towards the future and ask yourself what it is you should do next year, five or ten years from now. Here’s when you can start contemplating having not one, but several solid goals. It will require you to spend some time by yourself, with a notebook and a pen, because you will want to write things down.
Think of it as an exercise in getting to know yourself better.
What can be helpful?
#1. Instead of just this year, think about what you want to do long term.
Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:
Where do you want to be 10 years from now? It doesn’t have to mean a specific location, but rather how you see yourself in terms of types of skills you want to have or skill level you want to reach.
Who do you want to become professionally? As an adult, you’ll learn to be financially independent and self-sufficient. What do you want in terms of a career and in which field (medical, engineering, retail, education, service industry, etc.)?
What would be an ideal lifestyle? Do you prefer living in a big city or in the countryside, do you want to be an entrepreneur or work for a big company, would you prefer to live alone or with others, what would you be doing in your spare time?
#2. Start making a list of goals that are specific, not abstract.
Don’t think about your goals as ideas that are vague. If you do, your brain won’t know what to focus on. Here are several examples.
Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job in the future, or move out of my parents’ house as soon as possible, or get super fit, or earn millions.
Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [insert job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert current skills and new skills you’re working on].
#3. Have a clear understanding of why you’re selecting a specific goal.
Instead of making this goal-setting exercise an obligation, turn it into a choice. Tell yourself, “I really want to see myself succeed in this area!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
Remind yourself why you are choosing a specific goal. Make the connection with the initial reasons for working on something to begin with. It can be to learn a new skill, solve a problem that you’ve had for years, pass an exam to graduate from college, start your own business, etc.
#4. Don’t leave it all on paper — plan to take action.
So let’s say you’ve been brainstorming possible goals you’d like to have. Where do you go from here?
Select 2-3 goals that you think are the most important for you. They can be career-focused, skill-focused, or something more personal like getting fit.
Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis.This could be to practice a skill three times a week, do research on companies where you’d like to work, or schedule a 30-minute workout every Monday and Thursday.
Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside small blocks of time to work on the areas you’ve identified. In the first week, you may only have 15 minutes. That’s OK. You can gradually build up to 30 minutes a day, or one hour. The idea is to make the transition easy and not overwhelm yourself with the amount of tasks you need to do.
#5. Measure your progress.
After one week of implementing new activities that are going to help you reach your goals, make an assessment of your progress. Be honest in answering questions such as:
Which activities took longer than I anticipated? Why did that happen?
What was easy to do? Give yourself some time to identify activities that weren’t as difficult or intimidating as you previously thought.
What could you have done better? For example, which shortcuts could you have used?
How can you improve? Does one activity need a bit more time or more preparation?
How will you measure your success? Will you set milestones to reach at the end of each week? How can you track your progress — in a journal, spreadsheet, or calendar?
🎯 I created an e-book on this topic called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable workbook with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. You can learn more about it here.
It’s not just you. It is a bad habit we can all relate to, and it is a big deal. If you think about it, it most likely impacts many parts of your life — work, school, paying bills, buying groceries, keeping a clean home, maintaining your relationships and social connections, maybe even going to sleep.
Why ask yourself this uncomfortable question? The first step in overcoming any bad habit is to acknowledge it. In most cases, procrastinating indicates that there’s something you’re running away from and trying your best to avoid. it can be any numbers of things: feeling overwhelmed by a lot of work that needs to be done, fear that we don’t understand or have the skill to do something well, embarrassment due to putting off something that others seem to find easy to do, dealing with the expectations of others that it must be done (usually family members or people in our immediate social circle), justifying it with the thought that something must be done perfectly or else there’s no point to it, and so on.
If you know you’re procrastinating about something but never really find the time to sit down and think about it, give yourself the space to do it this weekend. Make it your top goal to find out what you are running away from.
Here are five things you can do to make progress.
#1. Acknowledge that there’s some fear behind it.
All human beings feel fear throughout our lives. That is how we are wired. Fear has protected us and helped us survive. It has kept us on our toes, always on the lookout for danger and enemies and natural disasters, so that we can escape when we need to. And we often still feel that need to escape, even though we have come a long way from what our ancestors had to deal with every single day. But still, it’s best to be aware of the feeling and just sit with it for a few minutes.
Question to ask yourself:
What am I fearful about?Is it a negative outcome? Failure? Disappointment? Other people’s judgment? Write it down. If it’s more than one thing, create a list. Often, the items on the list are related and have a common theme.
#2. Recognize your negative thought pattern.
You know that voice you hear in the back of your mind, the critical one? It may sound like this: I can’t do this! It’s not for me! I’m just going to give up! That negative thought pattern is something you’ve picked up and reinforced over the years, and it is characteristic of a fixed mindset. You think that your personality, skills, and strengths are “fixed” i.e. you have them from birth and you cannot change what you’re good or bad at. We tend to say negative things to ourselves because that’s what we’re used to doing. And the brain loves repetition, so the more often we keep saying things like “I can’t” and “It’s impossible” the more likely the brain will replay it from day to day. But this, just like most of the things we think and do, is just a habit. The key is to recognize the mental habits i.e. the patterns in your way of thinking.
Question to ask yourself:
Do I say something is difficult because I’ve always told myself similar things are difficult? If I could turn things around, what kind of words would I use instead? Write a list of phrases you tell yourself, and then write a different list of the kind of words you’d like to tell yourself.
#3. Consider the benefit of changing the way you think.
Often times we are so deeply wrapped up in whatever problem we are facing in our everyday lives that we forget the purpose of solving the problem. A good starting point is to remind yourself of the initial reason for wanting to take action. This is important because your actions are directly linked to a goal you have set for yourself, whether it’s a personal or professional one. Maybe you are studying for exams to get a degree that will enable you to start a career and gain financial independence. Or maybe you’re looking for a job that’s a better fit and pays better.
Questions to ask yourself:
Why is this challenge so important to me? What will I gain from solving it? If I do, how will this affect my daily life? Write down a few benefits you will have if you solve the problem.
#4. Prepare for obstacles.
When we are faced with an obstacle, we tend to stop what we’re doing and start reacting. It’s not fair! It’s ruined and will be impossible to fix! But as we both know, complaining won’t change the situation. What will make a difference is getting proactive. First, you need to anticipate that there will be obstacles you will encounter on your path. If you prepare yourself psychologically for them, they won’t feel like it’s the end of the world. Second, use this opportunity to think through the problem, learn something new, and try a different solution that can yield better results.
Questions to ask yourself:
What are 3 things I can do when I’m faced with an obstacle? What will be my plan B? Which solutions can I brainstorm so I have them ready in case I need them? Write down 3 things you can do.
#5. Take the first step.
Of course you know that you’ll have to do something eventually, but you may get wrapped up in planning, weighing out your options, scheduling things. This attempt at over-analyzing can be a trap. The key is to move on to the next step and take action to change the status quo. Here’s one way to do it. Think of this situation you’re dealing with as an experiment. Here’s your opportunity to try something new. And in the process, you’ll learn something about yourself and what you’re capable of doing. You’ll experience what it’s like to adapt to the situation and to be flexible.
Questions to ask yourself:
What is the first step I can take to move forward? How can I simplify next steps so they’re easier to do? How will I measure my progress — in a journal, spreadsheet, or chart I’ll put on my wall?
📖 If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, I created an e-book based on these five tips and it’s called Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. The e-book is dedicated to overcoming the tendency to procrastinate in different areas of your life, from professional to personal.
And I am not talking about writing a short story or starting a novel. I mean writing down everything that is going through your mind. When you put thoughts on paper, they will look and feel different to you. Writing allows us to create a distance between us and our thoughts, and that is extremely valuable. So that is what I suggest. Get a notebook and a pen first.
What next?
Get it all out. At the top of the page, write today’s date. Then make a list. Write each thought in a separate line. One thought may be a short phrase, while another may take a few sentences. The length doesn’t matter, but keep everything in list format as you go down the page.
When you are done with putting your thoughts on paper, it’s time to organize. Get a few different color markers or pens, then read through your list. Usually there are a few categories of thoughts: some are daily to-do’s (Today I have to…), others are awfulizing types of thoughts (I am scared that…), some can be in question format (How can I possibly…?), and then there are those bigger thoughts that are more about life in general (I want to achieve this goal… OR How can I change this behavior?). Using different colors, start grouping items on your list that belong in the same category.
After this exercise, rewrite your list to create a few shorter lists. Give each list a name, for example “Daily List” and “Big Life Goal List” and “What I’m Scared of List.” Now you have a differently organized set of thoughts to deal with.
Where to go from here?
The “Daily List” is great to put in a bullet journal. It’s a practical way to organize your day, week, and month. In a separate notebook, use two pages to create a grid with a ruler to assign boxes for every day of the month. Mark each box with the day of the week and month (f.ex., Monday July 5). In each box, add items from your “Daily List” according to when they are due. Now you have an organized plan for the month.
The “Big Life Goal List,” “Question List” and “What I’m Scared of List” are groups you’ll need to work through, and this may take some time. For these, you’ll need a journal in which you can write down in greater detail why these thoughts are important to you. If it is something you are scared of, then get to the source of it — when, how, why are you scared of something. If it is a big life goal you want to achieve, write down some ideas on how you can break down the goal into smaller mini-goals to work on every day, even for 15 minutes at a time.
Either way, whether you’re working on your bullet journal or regular journal, you are providing the time and space to talk to yourself and find out how your brain works. You also create a tangible method of organizing whatever is going through your mind, and in doing so you reduce your mental clutter which will bring you more peace of mind.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you already are self-disciplined in some areas of your life. Maybe you have your breakfast at the same time each morning, or you set aside a few hours last night to prepare for an important work meeting. The question is how important is self-discipline to you, and what are some ways to boost it in your daily life.
I found it helpful to think of it like this: you can increase self-discipline if you:
Limit your excuses. It’s something we all do. There isn’t enough time in the day, I woke up too late, I need to treat myself after a long day at work. If you want to get serious about self-discipline, treat your excuses as your enemy. They are what’s standing between you and taking action, between you and seeing results. Are they really worth it? Identify what is preventing you from moving forward and assess whether that reason is big enough (or important enough) to derail your day. Once you make the time to look at your excuse calmly and rationally, you’ll figure out how to reduce it and pay less attention to it.
Find a SME (subject matter expert). This can be anyone, from someone you know in your social network to a well-known person like a podcast host, public speaker, or athlete. The key to finding the right SME is to look for someone whose traits, habits, and lifestyle you admire. It should be someone who is a thought leader, someone who has achieved mastery in their field, and someone who has more experience under their belt. Then start reading and listening to what they have to say. Subscribe to their blog, Twitter account, Quora profile, or podcast — and follow what they say every day. By absorbing their learnings and life experience, you’ll set yourself up to get on the same path.
Identify what you want and write it down. More often than not, we make grand statements like, I want to have a million dollars or I want to be an expert in my field or I want to win this competition. But those statements are too abstract; it’s as if we are chasing a vague image that’s somewhere on the horizon, but we don’t actually know what it is. Make your goals reachable by tightening them up. Start with a list where you brainstorm all the possibilities. Be as specific as possible. If you want a higher-paying job, write down the role you want and a specific number for a salary (“I want to work as a senior data analyst at company X and earn an annual income of… “). If you want to get fit and lose weight, write down what that will take (“I want to lose 20 pounds by October, which means I’ll change my diet and work out Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.”).
Start small. If you are feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things you need to do to reach a goal, you’re not alone. Most of us feel this way. This is why it is so important to start the journey with a very small habit — the smaller it is, the greater the chance it will stick. A good way to do this is to select one of the goals from your list and start there. This doesn’t mean you’ll ignore everything else, but rather that you’re helping your brain focus on the goal most important to you right now. Next, find a small block of time where you’ll do something to get you moving in the direction of the goal. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, start by turning on the timer for 15 minutes and going outside for a brisk walk around your neighborhood.
Turn your timer into your best self-discipline tool. Locate the timer on your mobile phone (usually it’s in the built-in clock app). Or, get a multi-timer app which you can customize for different recurring habits (working out, meal prep, house chores, reading, cooking, etc.). Make it a point never to start working on anything without setting a timer. It’s an excellent tool to keep you focused, better manage your time, strategize the day by prioritizing tasks, and even help you feel more relaxed and less worried about “all that work you must do.” Have to clean the house? Set the timer for 15 minutes and see how much you can do in one go. Want to review for your exam? Set the timer for 25 minutes (that’s the length of one Pomodoro session), then take a break.
Keep the same schedule every day. You won’t achieve greater self-discipline if you work early one day, then leave the same work for the evening of the next day. If you’re going to build better habits and make them stick, train your brain to do the same type of work at the same time. Learn more about the circadian rhythm (our natural biorhythm) to maximize your morning, afternoon, and evening. For example, most people reach their peak cognitive performance up to 4 hours after waking up, which may be the best time for complex cognitive activities like studying, reading, writing, and problem-solving. If you typically spend mornings answering emails, you may want to rethink how you’re using that time and if you can save email checking for later in the day.
Track everything in a bullet journal. It’s one thing to say you’re making progress on a goal or improving a habit. But how do you actually know that you are? Let’s say that three years from today you’ll find yourself struggling to make progress on a goal very similar to the one you’re working on right now. Wouldn’t it be great if the recipe for success were right there, written out like a formula in a notebook? That’s where the bullet journal comes in handy. It is a dedicated journal where you track what you’re doing every day. You can create a monthly and weekly grid, and then map out your time into the smallest increments (hourly or less). This is something you can prepare for the month ahead on a Saturday morning before the new month begins. When you have your plan written out, all you need to do is stick to it, mark everything, and even jot down a few notes on what went well that day, or what didn’t go as planned. That way you are documenting every step to learn from it, and to show your future self how exactly to achieve the result you want.
⏱🏃🏾♂️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit (Workbook + Journal). You can learn more about it here.
If you ask me, I don’t believe “one should follow their dreams” is useful advice.
It’s generic. It’s abstract. And most likely, it’s something people hear other people say and then repeat it. The advice doesn’t pertain to you specifically, or to your life situation, or to the things you deeply care about.
Going down the path of talking about dreams when it comes to the rest of your life is a tricky thing. Why? Because dreams could be anything that comes from your subconscious (the dreams you experience when you’re sleeping) or your imagination (daydreaming of an ideal scenario in the distant future that gives you pleasure). The thing to keep in mind is that your dreams may change, they may fluctuate over time as you grow up, and may take a back seat as you’re trying to figure out how to pass exams, graduate from school, get a job. Priorities, responsibilities, and daily tasks can easily take over.
In contrast, when you say that you don’t know what you want to achieve, it’s not a question of dreaming — it’s about a lack of goals. And here’s where things get more interesting. This is a topic that’s much more tangible and real. Why? Because goals have the potential to change your entire life if you know how to set them. A goal is a conscious effort you make over an extended period of time to achieve a specific end result. The key here is in setting a goal that is specific, realistic, attainable, and the right fit for you — not a replica of a goal set by other people like your friends, parents, grandparents, cousins, teachers, or anyone else in your social circle.
Instead of thinking about following your dreams, it’s a better use of your time to figure out which goals are beneficial for the future version of you.
To do that, you can:
👉🏾 Think about what you want your future life to be.
Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:
Where do you want to be 1, 5, or even 10 years from now? Don’t think only geography and economy of your country, but more in terms of personal development and skill level.
Who do you want to become in your career — a leader, CEO of a startup, data analyst in a Fortune 500 company, innovator, scientist, entrepreneur?
What is your ideal scenario — living a life in a big city or smaller town, becoming an expert at something, managing your own business, traveling frequently for work or staying mostly at home, leading an active social life or having a smaller circle of friends?
👉🏾 Create a specific goal instead of thinking in an abstract way.
Don’t just stop at dreaming and wishing a certain lifestyle for yourself. If you’re stuck in the imaginary world, your brain won’t know what to focus on and how to take action on an idea you’re thinking about.
Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job, or move out of my parents’ house, or get fit, or have a large salary.
Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you want to get a job of your dreams, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills + new skills you’re working on].
👉🏾 Tell yourself that what you decide to do is a personal choice, not an obligation.
Say, “I really want to see myself succeed at this!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you’re reacting to things or you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
Remind yourself of the reason for your decision by asking, “Why am I choosing this goal?” Make the connection with the initial wishes and dreams you had for yourself at the beginning. It can be passing all exams so you can graduate from college, start your own business, earn a promotion that will help you save up more money to purchase a home, etc.
👉🏾 Make your goal actionable.
Set aside one hour after dinner tonight to create a plan of action that will make your goals more tangible and real.
Select your top 3 personal goals. They can be anything you’ve been dreaming about for years, or something you’ve started considering more seriously in the past year or two.
Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis. It can be to practice a skill three times a week, set aside an hour a day to focus and do research, or sign up for a class to broaden your knowledge in a field.
Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside blocks of time to making progress in the areas you’ve identified. Start small, with a 15–30 minute block of time. You’ll be surprised how much the time adds up without you having to give up on other things you need to do during the day.
👉🏾 Measure your progress consistently.
After following your new goal schedule for one week, make an assessment of the progress you made. Be honest in answering the following questions:
Did some activities take more time than you anticipated? If so, why?
What was easy to do? Why do you think it wasn’t as difficult as you initially thought?
What could you have done better? Could you have started earlier in the day, found an efficient way to turn off what distracts you, used shortcuts to save time without sacrificing the quality of your work?
In what way can you improve the following week? Can you focus only on one activity to make significant progress?
How will you measure your progress? Can you set milestones to reach by the end of each week or deadlines to stay on track? Will you track progress in a spreadsheet or a bullet journal?
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