What is the key to changing how you view, think, do everything for the better?

The key?

You accept that the person who will help you change how you view, think, do everything — is YOU.

You understand that this will take work. A lot of work in which you will be learning something new every day. The new things may be uncomfortable at first and they’ll challenge you. You may fail — in fact, it’s guaranteed that you will fail at least a few times. The work will also require your physical and mental energy, your complete focus, a lot of time. And that’s ok. You know that these things cannot be rushed.

You are dedicated to making the change. Why? Because you know that the way you currently think, view life, and do things is not serving you anymore. Maybe it did in the past, but not today. Today that mindset may make you feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, even despondent. Which is why today you will make a promise to yourself that you’ll work on creating a better foundation for your future.

You know what needs changing. Sounds logical, right? But it’s hard to move forward if you don’t know exactly where the problem lies. Are you stuck in your comfort zone and can’t leave? Are you allowing yourself to be distracted so much that you cannot finish your work or studies? Are your goals too vague, too small or too big, or non-existent? Is your mindset too rigid and you don’t see how you can grow in a certain area of your life, whether it’s professional or personal?

You become self-disciplined and persistent in practicing the change. It’s not the easiest thing to wake up early in the morning and go for a run or do a workout, but if you want to see results, you do it. Or, you haven’t dedicated sufficient time to preparing for an upcoming exam so you accept that you wasted precious time, but today you create a strategy and plan of attack to make the best of the time you have left, starting right now.

You listen, stay focused, and develop a better understanding of yourself. Over the years, as we go through life, we absorb so much new input and listen to many other people that we often forget to look inward and check in with ourselves. How am I doing? Is this something that I know is good for me? Am I following the advice of other people or trying to impress someone? What do I want? Where do I want to go? What do I need to do to get there? In order to understand yourself better, spend time thinking, asking questions, learning, and adjusting your mindset to be more open to new things. Ask yourself, What else is possible? What else can I do?

5 life skills worth having (and how to practice them)

Critical-thinking skills.

I like to call this independent thinking or not depending on other people’s words, opinions, conclusions, or attitudes in general. It’s easier to mimic others than come up with an original idea. Conversely, it’s not easy and takes time to learn more about something — a concept, a lesson, a language, a skill. How do you practice this? Gather data, do the research, read literature that argues for and against one topic, and always ask open-ended questions like why and how. Learn to rely on your brain – it won’t disappoint you!

Flexibility.

Being flexible means you can adapt to change. Although it may seem easy to stay in the comfort zone (daily habits, knowledge you already possess), it’s better to keep going with the flow. Why is this important? The Greek philosopher Heraclitus famously said the words Panta rei (Πάντα ῥεῖ) which means “everything flows.” The world is changing and you have a choice: adapt to it or be left behind. How do you practice this? Don’t immediately resist something new just because it’s unfamiliar to you. Make small changes, adapt in small ways, try a new habit for 15 minutes a day.

Growth mindset.

You may think that your mindset is something you were born with, but it’s the opposite. Your mindset can change and adapt depending on how much you’re willing to learn and keep an open mind. Do you think you’re either talented or clueless at math or sports? Or do you believe you can make improvements consistently over time with increased effort? When you allow yourself the time to learn new things and practice getting better at something, you’re growing your mindset. How do you practice this? Try, try, and try again. Be OK with failure. Consider it your biggest ally, not an enemy.

Quantitative skills.

Get to know numbers in any shape or form. It can be as simple as practicing basic accounting skills (your daily budget, for example), or more involved like personal finance (how to invest and grow your portfolio, or how to invest for retirement) or data analytics (observing market trends, gathering statistical data which can tell a bigger story). Many people are afraid of math so they run away from it. If this is something you’re good at, keep at it. If you’re not, keep practicing. Why? It’s a highly marketable skill that can afford you better jobs in your career.

Writing.

You may think it’s easy to write; after all, we all use language and so we should know this skill, right? But you’d be surprised how few people really know how to construct a concise, clear, and interesting sentence. Grammar isn’t easy to master, either. Neither is diversifying your vocabulary. On top of that, you need to know your audience — their age group, cultural background, what they’re interested in, what they want to learn. How do you practice writing? Read books, not just online articles or Instagram posts, to understand what good writing looks like. Practice writing every day, even if it’s for 15–30 minutes. Get a thesaurus. Ask for feedback. Then practice some more.

Ten small rules for leading a better life

If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I often write about developing a growth mindset — making continuous efforts over time to get better at a skill or changing a behavior if it no longer serves us. Having a growth mindset is obviously not something you wake up to one day and voilà — it magically appears out of nowhere! It takes time to cultivate it, it requires a lot of introspection and questioning why you do the things you do, and it takes having a lot of patience towards yourself.

To speed things along, it will help to set up a few simple rules you can adhere to every day so that having a growth mindset isn’t just something abstract you think about from time to time. These rules are most beneficial when they are set up by YOU, not anyone else. If you make the time to think about them, get to understand them and why they’re important, and use them as a guideline for dealing with everyday situations, they will keep you on track.

Here are 10 simple rules to keep in mind.

#1. Learn something new every day. When you are intellectually curious, your brain is constantly looking for opportunities to absorb new information that goes beyond your school curriculum, job description, or social responsibilities. Feed your curiosity by reading books, both fiction and non-fiction. Use a thesaurus to broaden your vocabulary. Watch documentaries on ancient civilizations, history and geography, and the lives of influential leaders throughout history like Cleopatra and Winston Churchill. Do some research on different ways to improve the quality of your life with positive daily habits that can keep you mentally and physically healthy.

#2. Develop and express your own opinion. Just because your friends say something is interesting, cool, boring, dull, totally acceptable or not, does not mean you need to mirror what they say or tell you to do. How can you avoid taking on opinions of other people? Practice your critical-thinking skills. Ask yourself if the topic of discussion is important to you, and if it is, why it’s important to you. If it isn’t relevant, ask yourself why you should waste time on it. Whenever you get a chance, question things. Don’t blindly accept what you’re told as the “truth.” Grow that critical thinking muscle.

#3. Be proud of what makes you different. Yes, we are all members of society and different social, national, and ethnic groups. Still, every one of us is an individual human being. Ask yourself, what makes you different? It may be your heritage, the value system you’ve been raised with, cultural background, the languages you speak, where you grew up. It may be the way you like to cook your food with a specific combination of spices. A preference for one particular author of books, a music genre, or podcast collection. It can be your singing voice. Your sketchbook or that 500-page journal where you write, draw, plan out your life. Or the way you think about your future. Pick something that you find beautiful in that mix, and nurture it every day.

#4. Build up your emotional resilience. This is an important one. Being emotionally resilient will help you better deal with negativity, obstacles, and problems you’ll face in life — and let’s face it, all of those are a part of adult life. For example, you can use it to deal with criticism and negative feedback at work or in school. Being emotionally resilient means that whenever you receive some type of negative feedback, you don’t immediately interpret it as someone being mean or malicious towards you. Learn to tell the difference between constructive criticism (when someone suggests that you do something in a different way, which gives you the opportunity to approach a problem differently) and habitual negativity (when people constantly complain and criticize no matter the topic, in which case it’s best to ignore or avoid the person altogether).

#5. Don’t be that person in your circle of friends who talks non-stop. Want to avoid being average? Don’t make constant chatter and gossip a top priority. What can help you change the behavior? First, it helps to understand that the people in your life (family, close friends, co-workers) aren’t always there and ready to listen to you. Why should they? Wisdom comes through listening and observing what is being said and even from other bits of non-verbal communication — how others behave and react. Next, listen to what people are talking about. Try to understand what they’re telling you. Focus on their words, the ideas or personal experiences they’re sharing with you. Observe their behavior. Respond when the time is right and when you can contribute to the conversation, not just for the sake of having your voice heard.

#6. Learn to respect yourself. Self-respect is critical to progress. Why? Because it is the starting point to your self-development. Often times when we hear the word “respect” we automatically think of respecting others, but respecting YOU always has to come first. What does that mean, to respect yourself? Acknowledge the value of who you are as an adult, what you are doing with your life, even who you are becoming. Value your time and your efforts because things do not come easy to you. Value your skills and what you’re good at, because you can add value to other people’s lives through your skills. Don’t take everything you’ve accomplished so far for granted. If you do, so will everyone else. Respect starts with you. Others will follow.

#7. Read — a lot. Not only articles on the Internet, or mandatory material for school or work. Read books. Big books. Novels. Books written by Nobel prize winners. Books that are considered the classics. Novels by Toni Morrison, Dostoyevsky, Tagore, Shakespeare, Hemingway, Kundera, Camus, Orwell, and others. Read biographies of influential historical figures. Read about history and politics. Explore other centuries, different points of view, characters who were challenged by circumstances similar to yours or perhaps not at all. Read to feed your brain. Read to expand your mind about what is possible.

#8. Don’t spend too much time on social media. You know how much time you spend using apps on your phone — or do you really? Maybe it’s time to find out. Your phone is your device for staying in touch and sharing information with others, so of course it’s important to you. But is it really the best use of your time to immediately start scrolling through Instagram or Tik Tok as soon as you wake up? Should you repeatedly check for notifications, text messages from friends, and news alerts throughout the day? It’s important to be aware of how much time you dedicate to these activities. Change the way you do things. Be more mindful about what you’re doing during the day.

#9. Make independence your top goal. You may be a student focused on getting a diploma and finding that first job, a professional acquiring skills necessary for your career, or an entrepreneur starting a side hustle to generate more income. Either way, you are setting a foundation for becoming an independent adult. Why is this important? When you are independent — financially, emotionally, physically — you can make choices that are right for you. Independence can mean a lot of different things. Deciding which food to eat to be more healthy. Saving up money to move to an apartment you can afford on your own. Investing time in relationships with people who pursue a growth mindset. Saying no to something that is not constructive, beneficial, or healthy for you.

#10. Become a person that others will look up to. It’s likely that throughout your life there were people who you would look up to or admire. A parent, favorite teacher, athlete, scientist, maybe entrepreneur. As you’re growing, you too can be a role model for someone else. And that’s something you can have as a life goal — becoming a person others will seek to learn more about a particular field of expertise, or someone whose friends come to when they need guidance or a warm embrace. Strive to become someone’s hero, as the Greeks called ἥρως (hērōs) — a warrior, a defender, a protector. This is what will help you live not just a life, but an extraordinary life.

How can something as abstract as philosophy help you navigate life?

That’s a really good question.

Many people believe that philosophy is everything abstract — reading books about philosophy, contemplating concepts and ideas found in those books, and staying in that thinking zone that’s far removed from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

But it doesn’t have to be that limited. There is a practical aspect to philosophy too: moving on from learning about it to applying it. We can apply any philosophy to our daily lives by building habits to reinforce it, by adopting a belief and value system if it’s important to us, by practicing critical thinking skills (deciding what is relevant to keep and practice, versus what is less relevant), and by adapting our behavior to fit the philosophy we admire.

When we practice a philosophy, we also do something that is incredibly important to our personal self-development.

We learn more about ourselves.

I’ll give one example of a philosophy that I find very useful, practical, and important to me: Stoicism. I believe it to be a philosophy that has many practical applications in our modern 21st century life.

The original Stoics — Seneca, Zeno, Marcus Aurelius, Musonius Rufus, and Epictetus to name a few — didn’t consider themselves to be exemplary human beings who preached a perfect way to live. That said, they were focused on values and finding ways to live a life of virtue, a more meaningful life, a life that is inward and not outward-focused. And to stay on the path of a virtuous life, they built habits that they would practice for years.

And that’s exactly where the practical application of a philosophy comes in. It’s about building daily habits that can help you navigate more easily through all the surprises, challenges, and obstacles you may encounter as you go through adulthood.

Using the example of Stoicism, here are three daily habits that can help you incorporate this philosophy into your daily life.

#1. Learn to embrace discomfort.

Being stoic isn’t about staying in your comfort zone. That’s the place where you’re surrounded by familiar things, people, and experiences. If you are used to studying for 12 hours at your desk, you keep doing it even if it makes you dizzy and leaves you unmotivated. If you react the same way when you have a problem at work, you continue with the same problem-solving approach even though you know the results won’t be any different. Staying in your comfort zone is the opposite of growth. As soon as you step out of it, you give yourself a chance to experience something new. Yes, you’ll experience growing pains. Yes, you’ll feel discomfort. Yes, you may feel out of place, or not knowledgeable enough, or even silly. Those are all good things. The more you get used to discomfort, the more flexible you’ll be when problem-solving. You can:

Give yourself permission to feel. Being stoic isn’t about being in denial. You need to process your thoughts and feelings so they don’t overwhelm you. The best way to do this is by giving yourself the time to observe what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Frustrated? Feeling like you don’t belong? Dreading that you’ll fail? Acknowledge those feelings. Your awareness will benefit you.
Learn to rely on yourself by trying to solve a problem at work or school by yourself first. If you make mistakes, it’s good. Mistakes will eventually lead you to success. You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. And, you won’t be dependent on others to solve your problems.
Don’t be afraid to try a different way of overcoming an obstacle. Experiment a little. Try something new. Learn and repeat and get better at something.

#2. Get into the habit of practicing self-discipline.

This is probably the top habit to embrace if you want to practice stoicism. Why? Because putting off activities that make you feel great and give you pleasure does have its advantages. When you give yourself a healthy dose of self-discipline, you do something difficult first in order to reward yourself later. There’s even science to back this up: Stanford University’s Marshmallow Experiment shows how delayed gratification can increase your chances at succeeding in many areas of your life. You can:

Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing deep work. It will help you reduce the amount of procrastination you feel when you’re trying to prep for exams or meet deadlines for work projects. Use the first 4 hours of the day to read, write, problem-solve. Your brain will be able to focus more effectively.
Resist the usual routine of waking up and reaching for your phone to start scrolling. If you’re like most people, you probably like to check email, Twitter, funny Tik Tok videos, websites, blogs, or even games. One good way to resist this is to turn off all notifications so you don’t see them pop up every time there’s a new post somewhere.
Leave conversations, social media, and TV activities for the evening. Once you’re done with work for the day, of course you need to rest and have fun. Hold yourself accountable and don’t do things just for the pleasure of it unless you’ve completed your daily work goals.

#3. Avoid wasting time on pointless activities.

The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca devotes a section of his book On the Shortness of Life to this problem. Indulging in pointless activities was an issue for many people back then, too. Seneca describes gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and trying to impress others. If you think about it, it’s not that different from our world today. There are ways to use your time more wisely. You can:

Reduce your exposure to social media. Find a way to measure how much time you spend on Twitter, for example, and when you usually do this. Make a plan to reduce the total time and to check updates only in the evening.
Don’t indulge in gossip and complaining when talking to friends. What would be the point, the end result of such an activity? You can’t change people’s behavior, and they won’t care about your opinion of them anyway. Find other topics that are more helpful and interesting. Use the time to learn something new from one another, tell a funny story, or share a positive experience.
Keep one specific goal top of mind. When you’re focused on a personal or professional goal, you’re less likely to distract yourself with activities that will take you away from it. A good habit to practice each morning is to ask yourself, What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Your answer will help your brain focus better because it won’t have to constantly evaluate and make decisions. And the rest of the day you’ll know that this is your mission and you will do what it takes to accomplish it. Just like in the words of Seneca, “Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation.”

📖 I’ve been a big advocate of Stoicism for quite a while, so I created a workbook called 7 Ways to Practice Stoicism: Become more resilient, reduce fear and suffering, and lead a content life. It includes question prompts, a workbook section, a list of recommended reading, a weekly plan template, and an obstacle journal template. If this topic sounds interesting, you can learn more about the workbook here.

What are some simple techniques to manage stress each day?

You already know this — feeling stressed out is not fun.

Stress can slow us down, zap our energy, make us feel overwhelmed, distract us from doing what’s important, and even paralyze us from taking any kind of action. Yet there it is. Stress is just part of everyday life. It’s what we feel when we encounter something unexpected, when we’re getting ready to take an exam or lead a meeting with a large group of people, or even as we’re thinking through different scenarios of what can happen in our personal or professional life. And to be fair, not all stress is bad. Having a bit of an edge, feeling anticipation ahead of a big event like an exam or meeting someone new, can work in our favor. We won’t feel complacent. That’s a good thing. But when we allow our feelings to drive our behavior, or to cause us to spin through endless cycles of worry, panic, or awfulizing — that’s when our stress levels become unbearable.

What are some simple ways to handle stress just a bit better next time we feel it?

Here are 5 techniques you can practice every day.

Focus on your breathing.

Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Maybe, if you consider that we breathe without any effort at all. But this exercise is about breathing in a conscious, slow, deliberate way. Here’s how I practice it. I take 5 minutes — maybe after finishing a particularly tough task or after handling a stressful conversation — to close my eyes and practice the 4-7-8 breathing exercise. This exercise was introduced by integrative medicine practitioner Dr. Andrew Weil who calls it a “natural tranquilizer” for the nervous system. It’s easy to do. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of 4. Hold your breath for a count of 7. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a loud whoosh sound to a count of 8. Repeat the cycle four times.

Get moving.

I believe that doing any type of exercise routine, even if it is short, does wonders for the brain. Exercise improves your cognitive performance, problem-solving ability, and even boosts long-term memory. But even better than that: a physical challenge will turn your mind to simple things such as figuring out how to breathe correctly and how to move your body so you can get from point A to point B (or from step 1 to 2). Your exercise doesn’t have to mean spending two hours at the gym or buying expensive equipment. It can be a brisk 20-minute walk first thing in the morning or a mini-workout you can do either before breakfast or as soon as you get home from work. Still sounds like a lot? Turn on your timer and do as many pushups as you can for one minute to get a targeted cardio exercise.

Listen to music.

Music is an effective tool to combat stress and improve your mood, if you know how to use it right. Upbeat music can get you energized and more motivated to get things done; conversely, classical music or lo-fi beats can help lower blood pressure. More important, music affects our brain chemistry by increasing levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers and is responsible for feelings of euphoria. It also stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which helps us bond with one another and build trust. Before starting any type of activity — cognitive or physical — prepare a playlist of your favorite tunes based on the energy or calmness level you’ll need.

Read books.

Of course, reading in general has many benefits. That said, unlike reading news on Twitter, reading books can help lower blood pressure, stabilize your breathing, boost endorphins, stimulate the imagination, build critical thinking skills, and even provide ideas for responding differently to events happening in your life. I’ve been an avid book reader most of my life, but I understand it’s not a habit that everyone enjoys. To get into the habit, I suggest getting a library membership at your local library; it’s free and has endless resources and opportunities to discover new reading materials. Or, you can buy books at your local bookstore or online. Then, set aside one hour every evening for your reading ritual. Turn off the TV, put away your phone, make a cup of hot chocolate or tea, get some comfortable pillows and a blanket. For book ideas, use the Goodreads app to find topics that interest you, get recommendations, and track your progress.

Get plenty of sleep.

When I was in college, the topic of sleep was never interesting to me so I didn’t give it much thought. Also, being a habitual night owl who opted to stay awake longer to study or work, sleep wasn’t high on my list of priorities. After many years of sleep deprivation, I eventually realized that I needed a change in my sleeping habits. Don’t get me wrong; I think that staying up all night for the right reasons — every once in a while — is OK. But overall, chronic sleep deprivation can be a strain on your nerves, can reduce your cognitive abilities, impact concentration, and even reduce your IQ. Not exactly a list you can ignore! A solid amount of sleep depends on your age group, but for most adults it’s in the 7-8 hour range. Getting into the habit of sleeping earlier can be a challenge. I’ve personally found it helpful to train my brain to wind down by setting a bedtime alarm on my phone about 30 minutes before going to bed, getting away from electronics, taking a melatonin supplement, and having a cup of caffeine-free tea. Simple and effective!

If I were to change my attitude, what would change in my life?

Everything!

I’ll explain what I mean, but first I want to point out two concepts that are closely tied together: attitude and mindset.

An attitude is a way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, which is usually reflected in a person’s behavior. As you’ve experienced, your thoughts and feelings tend to change over time, often many times in the course of a single day. That’s why your attitude changes too.

A mindset is a slightly broader concept; it is a set of attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs held by a person. If you have a self-critical and negative mindset that prevents you from being open to learning new things, you may have a fixed mindset. That, too, can be changed.

Your attitude and mindset can:

Influence how you see the world and yourself as part of the world.
Impact what you believe you can and cannot do, what is considered acceptable versus an absolute no-no, or what you’re “destined to do” in terms of your role in the family, workplace, and your community.
Become a powerful tool to help you accomplish personal goals, overcome obstacles, and even communicate better with others.

The good news is that you are not born with a specific attitude or mindset. You can adjust them both so they work for you instead of against you. You can, for example, open yourself up to new opportunities to grow as a human being. This change can transform you from having a “victim” mindset (where you believe everyone is against you and nothing will ever work out for you like it does for other people) to feeling confident about managing your life better, improving problem-solving skills, and focusing on goals that are important to you and only you.

So what would it take to change your attitude and your mindset?

You can:

Have a curious outlook and be open to learning new things.

You remember how curious you were about the world as a child? Then the years flew by and you got overwhelmed with the “real world” of adulthood, with all the responsibilities and endless schedules. But being curious can be an advantage to you at every stage of your life, not just in childhood! How do you stay curious? First, don’t limit your learning experience. Just because it’s not taught in school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend time learning about it. Pick up books on a topic that is interesting to you. Take an online class in the evening, or watch how-to videos on YouTube to develop a skill that feels empowering to you. Learn something new every day, whether it’s learning how to code, finding out which foods will keep you healthy, or which books can teach you about setting short and long-term goals.

Adopt a more positive attitude about the mistakes you’ve made.

Making mistakes is a normal part of life. It’s not as important how many mistakes you make in a lifetime, or how severe you believe they are. It’s how you approach those mistakes that matters in the long run. Why is this important? Because it’s our attitude towards the mistakes we made that can help us heal faster, understand and learn better, and gain more life wisdom with the experience we accumulate. To start, try a different strategy of viewing your past by having compassion for yourself regarding the mistakes you made. What’s done is done. It’s already in the past. Maybe you did what you did because it was the only viable option at the time. That said, what can you do today? Reflect on the mistakes you made (why they happened and how to avoid them in the future), learn from them, but don’t hold on to them or ruminate for long stretches of time. When you let them go, you will give yourself more freedom to manage your future more successfully.

Instead of saying, “I can’t do this!” ask yourself, “Why not try?”

Changing the way you talk to yourself is a subtle mind trick that can have long-term results. You might find yourself often thinking how difficult or impossible it will be to adapt to a change, for example. Instead of indulging in the habit of negative self-talk or procrastination, you can get proactive about something by just giving yourself the option to do it. First, you need to deal with procrastination itself. Start by looking at the source: is there anything hiding behind your procrastination? For example, maybe you feel fear that you will not be able to do something successfully. Then, try the “Why not?” approach so that you leave some space open for possibilities. This doesn’t mean you’ll automatically be successful at doing something. Rather, you are sending a signal to your brain that it’s OK to try to do it — and that will get you on the right track of where you need to go.

How can I set goals that will help me keep growing?

Wonderful question.

I think the answer is a combination of several things: understanding yourself and what you truly want, focusing less on what other people want, being realistic, holding yourself accountable, and starting with a simple question that will encourage you to take action.

This is an exercise in introspection. Allow yourself some time to focus on each element, ask yourself questions that will get your mindset on board about goal-setting, and if you’d like use this opportunity to write down your answers. This will be your blueprint for moving forward.

Ready?

Here are the 5 steps.

STEP 1. Think about which goals are the right fit for you.

You may initially think that every goal you currently have set for yourself is a right fit. But what if that’s not the case? It often happens that while we’re thinking about goals, we get distracted by what we hear. It’s inevitable — sooner or later you will hear other people give you advice and share their ideas of what they want you to do, what they discourage you from doing, and who they want you to become (this goes for professional and personal life, and even your role in the community you live in). This is exactly why it’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself, from a goal that was suggested by or imposed by someone else — a family member, best friend, partner, or even someone you don’t know personally but admire and follow on social media.

Ask yourself:

Is this someone else’s goal? If it is, it won’t be realistic for you and your specific personal or professional aspirations. And if it’s not realistic for you, then you will have a difficult time being motivated to work on it.
If it’s my goal, how much do I care about reaching it? Is it something I’ve always wanted for myself, but was afraid to admit it? Is it a goal that, once I reach it, will give me more confidence and boost my life experience?

STEP 2. Think big and think forward.

Thinking big means exactly that — consider everything you would ideally want for yourself in life. You can call it creating the “big picture” of your life. Of course, this is the best case scenario, the ideal version, something you may have dreamt about since you were younger. Thinking forward is the second part — it’s not necessarily what you hope to achieve in six months or a year from now, but what you would like your life to be in a decade or two.

Ask yourself:

WHERE do I see myself in the future five or ten years from today? It doesn’t have to mean a specific geographical region, city, or country; it’s more about where you see yourself in terms of personal development and types of skills you want to have.
WHO do I want to become? Yes, it can be who you want to become professionally (CFO of a Fortune 100 company, college professor, professional athlete, business owner, chef); also, it can be the type of role you want to have in your community (organizer, leader, event planner, problem-solver, mentor).
WHAT is my ideal life scenario? Do I dream of living in a specific city or country, would I like to live with a partner and have a family, do I see myself as an expert in a particular field of expertise, what kind of social circle do I want to belong to, what does my version of work-life balance look like?

STEP 3. Put it in writing.

Now that you’ve given this topic some thought, it’s time to start writing things down. Here’s where you’ll turn your ideas about goals into specific steps you’ll take to make them feel more tangible and real. For this section of the exercise, you will need more time. I suggest you take a couple of hours one evening or weekend when you can write without distractions. Keeping your mind on what’s important will be critical to making progress.

Write down the following:

Your top 3 goals. They can be long-term goals you have been considering for years (but haven’t yet done anything about), a few professional goals you identified in the past year or two and maybe started working on for a while, or several goals you came up with as you’ve started this exercise.
Under each goal, write 3 things you need to do consistently to achieve it. This can mean practicing a skill three times a week, setting aside an hour a day for research, or taking an online class to earn a certificate or diploma you can add to your resume.
Make a schedule for the week. It doesn’t help to keep thinking about what needs to be done; it’s best to write the schedule and block off time to make progress in the areas you’ve identified. Keep it realistic. If this week you don’t have a lot of free time, schedule 30 minutes for an activity. It may not sound like a significant amount, but you’ll be surprised how much that time adds up without having to give up other activities you already know you’ll have to do.

STEP 4. Think about accountability.

If you’re working on something, it should all add up — in other words, it will help if you measure your success. If you don’t evaluate your efforts, how will you know if you’re on the right track? After following your new schedule for one week, assess how much progress you made.

Ask yourself:

Which activities were easy? What contributed to making them easy?
Which activities took more time than I anticipated? Why did they take as long?
What areas can I improve on? For example, if I run out of time, which shortcuts can I try?
How much extra time can I dedicate to this? For example, can I add 30 more minutes to my schedule so I don’t feel rushed?
How will I measure my success? Can I set milestones for each week, create deadlines for myself, have a monthly recap of what went well and how much closer I am to my goals?

STEP 5. Encourage yourself to take action with one simple question.

This is a mini habit you can practice first thing in the morning. It shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes. Start the day by asking yourself, “What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today?” It’s a question I’ve been asking for many years and it has helped me to stay focused and prioritize only what’s the most important, without wasting time on evaluating many options and distracting myself with them.

Practice this habit by doing the following:

Write the question in large letters on a sheet of paper. Hang the paper on your bedroom or bathroom wall. The important part is that you can easily see it as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready.
Read it out loud in the morning. Come up with an answer on the spot. The trick is to get your eyes on it so that it becomes second nature and you don’t even think about having to glance over to it any more.
Think about your answer throughout the day. When you keep it top of mind, you won’t get easily distracted.

📘Goal-setting is one of the most popular topics on Quora, and I’ve written extensively about them for the past seven years. That’s why I created a workbook outlining these tips called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. Learn more about it on this page of my blog.

How can we take failures in a positive way?

Great question!

Change the way you think about failure in general and learn to ask yourself questions that encourage you to grow from the experience.

How do you do that? You can:

#1. Acknowledge all the work you’ve already done.

Certainly, if you hadn’t failed at something, by now you’d be celebrating the big win. But whatever happened to all the effort you put into it? That doesn’t just disappear. It’s really important to give yourself kudos for every small step you put into it. Why is this important? Your brain doesn’t know the difference between progress and perceived progress, so you’re better off giving praise for the small steps you’ve taken. Watch this TEDx Talk featuring B.J. Fogg, the Director of the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, to see why the secret is not in the big wins but in the small ones.