Because, no matter what decade or time of life you find yourself in today, your goal should always be to grow.
Growing is scary. It’s about stepping into unknown territory. You haven’t tried something before, and there’s no cheat sheet to give you instructions on what to do.
Growing is uncomfortable. You realize there are things you do not know, and you’ll have to learn them. Sometimes, what you already know is too little. You need to take a deep breath, roll up your sleeves, and get to work.
Growing is humbling. As you practice new skills, you’ll fall flat on your face and often. You will make mistakes, some small and others quite big. You’ll understand that this process isn’t for the impatient or bored. You won’t feel important or wise — and that’s OK.
Growing is beautiful. It’s about being curious about the world, how things work, how people connect to one another, what makes us feel alive, what gives us energy to go do the next thing. It’s about being in a constant state of experimentation: learn, practice, make mistakes, learn from them, practice again, discover something new in the process.
Growing is being human. It’s about turning every day into an opportunity to find out something new about ourselves. How little we know and how much we can learn. How vulnerable we are when we go through a life-changing event. How brave we are when we’re faced with difficulty and manage to pull through. How excited we are at the opportunity to explore what our new and improved self can do, when we give ourselves permission to live.
I think the answer is a combination of several things: understanding yourself and what you truly want, focusing less on what other people want, being realistic, holding yourself accountable, and starting with a simple question that will encourage you to take action.
This is an exercise in introspection. Allow yourself some time to focus on each element, ask yourself questions that will get your mindset on board about goal-setting, and if you’d like use this opportunity to write down your answers. This will be your blueprint for moving forward.
Ready?
Here are the 5 steps.
STEP 1. Think about which goals are the right fit for you.
You may initially think that every goal you currently have set for yourself is a right fit. But what if that’s not the case? It often happens that while we’re thinking about goals, we get distracted by what we hear. It’s inevitable — sooner or later you will hear other people give you advice and share their ideas of what they want you to do, what they discourage you from doing, and who they want you to become (this goes for professional and personal life, and even your role in the community you live in). This is exactly why it’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself, from a goal that was suggested by or imposed by someone else — a family member, best friend, partner, or even someone you don’t know personally but admire and follow on social media.
Ask yourself:
Is this someone else’s goal? If it is, it won’t be realistic for you and your specific personal or professional aspirations. And if it’s not realistic for you, then you will have a difficult time being motivated to work on it.
If it’s my goal, how much do I care about reaching it? Is it something I’ve always wanted for myself, but was afraid to admit it? Is it a goal that, once I reach it, will give me more confidence and boost my life experience?
STEP 2. Think big and think forward.
Thinking big means exactly that — consider everything you would ideally want for yourself in life. You can call it creating the “big picture” of your life. Of course, this is the best case scenario, the ideal version, something you may have dreamt about since you were younger. Thinking forward is the second part — it’s not necessarily what you hope to achieve in six months or a year from now, but what you would like your life to be in a decade or two.
Ask yourself:
WHERE do I see myself in the future five or ten years from today? It doesn’t have to mean a specific geographical region, city, or country; it’s more about where you see yourself in terms of personal development and types of skills you want to have.
WHO do I want to become? Yes, it can be who you want to become professionally (CFO of a Fortune 100 company, college professor, professional athlete, business owner, chef); also, it can be the type of role you want to have in your community (organizer, leader, event planner, problem-solver, mentor).
WHAT is my ideal life scenario? Do I dream of living in a specific city or country, would I like to live with a partner and have a family, do I see myself as an expert in a particular field of expertise, what kind of social circle do I want to belong to, what does my version of work-life balance look like?
STEP 3. Put it in writing.
Now that you’ve given this topic some thought, it’s time to start writing things down. Here’s where you’ll turn your ideas about goals into specific steps you’ll take to make them feel more tangible and real. For this section of the exercise, you will need more time. I suggest you take a couple of hours one evening or weekend when you can write without distractions. Keeping your mind on what’s important will be critical to making progress.
Write down the following:
Your top 3 goals. They can be long-term goals you have been considering for years (but haven’t yet done anything about), a few professional goals you identified in the past year or two and maybe started working on for a while, or several goals you came up with as you’ve started this exercise.
Under each goal, write 3 things you need to do consistently to achieve it. This can mean practicing a skill three times a week, setting aside an hour a day for research, or taking an online class to earn a certificate or diploma you can add to your resume.
Make a schedule for the week. It doesn’t help to keep thinking about what needs to be done; it’s best to write the schedule and block off time to make progress in the areas you’ve identified. Keep it realistic. If this week you don’t have a lot of free time, schedule 30 minutes for an activity. It may not sound like a significant amount, but you’ll be surprised how much that time adds up without having to give up other activities you already know you’ll have to do.
STEP 4. Think about accountability.
If you’re working on something, it should all add up — in other words, it will help if you measure your success. If you don’t evaluate your efforts, how will you know if you’re on the right track? After following your new schedule for one week, assess how much progress you made.
Ask yourself:
Which activities were easy? What contributed to making them easy?
Which activities took more time than Ianticipated? Why did they take as long?
What areas can I improve on? For example, if I run out of time, which shortcuts can I try?
How much extra time can I dedicate to this? For example, can I add 30 more minutes to my schedule so I don’t feel rushed?
How will I measure my success? Can I set milestones for each week, create deadlines for myself, have a monthly recap of what went well and how much closer I am to my goals?
STEP 5. Encourage yourself to take action with one simple question.
This is a mini habit you can practice first thing in the morning. It shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes. Start the day by asking yourself, “What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today?” It’s a question I’ve been asking for many years and it has helped me to stay focused and prioritize only what’s the most important, without wasting time on evaluating many options and distracting myself with them.
Practice this habit by doing the following:
Write the question in large letterson a sheet of paper. Hang the paper on your bedroom or bathroom wall. The important part is that you can easily see it as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready.
Read it out loudin the morning. Come up with an answer on the spot. The trick is to get your eyes on it so that it becomes second nature and you don’t even think about having to glance over to it any more.
Think about your answer throughout the day. When you keep it top of mind, you won’t get easily distracted.
📘Goal-setting is one of the most popular topics on Quora, and I’ve written extensively about them for the past seven years. That’s why I created a workbook outlining these tips called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. Learn more about it on this page of my blog.
The first thing I would suggest is — don’t panic. It’s likely there are many other people in the 20s (and 30s) who don’t really think about life goals. There are so many things happening in our 20s. There’s the transition of leaving high school and going into university, and it’s like entering a whole new universe. In many ways, you start from the beginning: new school, new courses, new circle of friends, new social rules. Often this means leaving the family home, so you have to start learning new skills like how to take care of yourself, prepare meals, keep your apartment (or dorm room) clean, and manage your time to stay on top of studying.
It doesn’t leave a lot of room for goal-searching.
Still, at some point you will look towards the future and ask yourself what it is you should do next year, five or ten years from now. Here’s when you can start contemplating having not one, but several solid goals. It will require you to spend some time by yourself, with a notebook and a pen, because you will want to write things down.
Think of it as an exercise in getting to know yourself better.
What can be helpful?
#1. Instead of just this year, think about what you want to do long term.
Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:
Where do you want to be 10 years from now? It doesn’t have to mean a specific location, but rather how you see yourself in terms of types of skills you want to have or skill level you want to reach.
Who do you want to become professionally? As an adult, you’ll learn to be financially independent and self-sufficient. What do you want in terms of a career and in which field (medical, engineering, retail, education, service industry, etc.)?
What would be an ideal lifestyle? Do you prefer living in a big city or in the countryside, do you want to be an entrepreneur or work for a big company, would you prefer to live alone or with others, what would you be doing in your spare time?
#2. Start making a list of goals that are specific, not abstract.
Don’t think about your goals as ideas that are vague. If you do, your brain won’t know what to focus on. Here are several examples.
Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job in the future, or move out of my parents’ house as soon as possible, or get super fit, or earn millions.
Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [insert job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert current skills and new skills you’re working on].
#3. Have a clear understanding of why you’re selecting a specific goal.
Instead of making this goal-setting exercise an obligation, turn it into a choice. Tell yourself, “I really want to see myself succeed in this area!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
Remind yourself why you are choosing a specific goal. Make the connection with the initial reasons for working on something to begin with. It can be to learn a new skill, solve a problem that you’ve had for years, pass an exam to graduate from college, start your own business, etc.
#4. Don’t leave it all on paper — plan to take action.
So let’s say you’ve been brainstorming possible goals you’d like to have. Where do you go from here?
Select 2-3 goals that you think are the most important for you. They can be career-focused, skill-focused, or something more personal like getting fit.
Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis.This could be to practice a skill three times a week, do research on companies where you’d like to work, or schedule a 30-minute workout every Monday and Thursday.
Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside small blocks of time to work on the areas you’ve identified. In the first week, you may only have 15 minutes. That’s OK. You can gradually build up to 30 minutes a day, or one hour. The idea is to make the transition easy and not overwhelm yourself with the amount of tasks you need to do.
#5. Measure your progress.
After one week of implementing new activities that are going to help you reach your goals, make an assessment of your progress. Be honest in answering questions such as:
Which activities took longer than I anticipated? Why did that happen?
What was easy to do? Give yourself some time to identify activities that weren’t as difficult or intimidating as you previously thought.
What could you have done better? For example, which shortcuts could you have used?
How can you improve? Does one activity need a bit more time or more preparation?
How will you measure your success? Will you set milestones to reach at the end of each week? How can you track your progress — in a journal, spreadsheet, or calendar?
🎯 I created an e-book on this topic called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable workbook with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. You can learn more about it here.
I don’t find it beneficial to think about what is the “best” option for us, because we have many options. The question is what will we choose to do and which path will we select to go forward.
The second thing I am putting under the magnifying glass is this concept of “self-improvement.” In previous decades, the popular term for this was “self-help” and now we’ve moved on to a slightly different term. Still, it’s a very general phrase that’s used by different people to mean different things.
So the real question is, what does self-improvement mean to YOU?
If it means changing everything about yourself every year, searching for the “true meaning of life” or looking for a passion, or maybe even looking around you to see what others are doing and then emulating their behavior and pursuing their goals, then you are setting yourself up for a future of many, many disappointments. And believe me, I have seen people do this to themselves. Many are perpetually running away — from a job, partner, city, circle of friends, sometimes everything and everyone they know — in the pursuit of happiness or an abstract dream of an ideal life where they will be “fulfilled” and “self-improved” and “living their best life.” You may know these types of people in your circle of friends or on social media like Instagram. Yet, if you know or follow them long enough, you’ll see there’s a cycle they repeat over and over. When they get bored, they will try to reinvent themselves and start over. They’ll continue on their “self-improvement” journey, farther away and maybe on a different continent. But there’s something they don’t do.
And this is KEY.
They don’t do the homework.
The homework is this: focusing less on who or what bothers them and knowing more or discovering more about themselves.
Finding out what patterns of behavior they repeat.
Getting to the source of a problem, bad habit, or trauma.
Getting help for the problem or trauma from someone who is skilled at this, like a therapist.
Becoming self-aware.
Understanding more of themselves. What they need and what is useful, versus what they don’t need and can be self-destructive.
Identifying where they picked up a negative habit, a fear, a self-critical way of thinking.
Understanding what they are thinking right now and how these thoughts are impacting their feelings — especially if they make decisions based on feelings.
Asking themselves,
Why do I do the things I do?
What do I like about me that I want to do more of?
Conversely, what type of behavior is no longer useful to me that I want to change?
How can I learn more about something that will be beneficial to my future?
How do I learn to embrace fear and work through it, instead of avoiding it at all costs?
What types of realistic goals do I want to set for myself and how do I make a plan to work on them?
In other words, doing the homework on ourselves will enable us to grow into a more mature human being, a person who learns about themselves and the world and who is curious about how things work and how they can improve. And in this way, we will do much more than choose the general term of “self-improvement” — we will have awareness of who we are, why we are like that, what we want (and have strong reasons for why we want it), what we don’t, and how we wish to grow.
And maybe this question and the conversation we have about it becomes more about growth and self-acceptance and the continuous process of learning about our true ourselves.
Sounds logical, reasonable, even obvious. Yet many people don’t give themselves time to do it. Instead, they react in the moment. Jump to conclusions. See things only as they appear on the surface. Don’t bother asking why. Ignore consequences of their words and their actions. Distract themselves with little things that they will soon forget.
Yet, thinking things through is a sign of maturity and a huge opportunity for personal growth. It can positively affect every area of your life, from academic to professional, personal to social. It can change your mindset too — so you can see what you are capable of achieving and how much you can actually take control over your life.
It’s not really complicated. Thinking things through means:
Making a connection between your thoughts and actions on the one hand — and consequences on the other.
Using your critical thinking skills to think about a problem independently, without looking to other people to immediately assist you.
Taking the time to consider the entire situation from all angles before saying anything or taking any action.
Considering how resolving a problematic situation can affect your life in the long term.
Asking yourself questions like, “What is the outcome I desire or a goal I want to reach?” instead of “What is going to make me feel good right now?”
Here are several areas of your life where you can benefit from thinking things through, versus reacting in the moment.
HABITS
If I wake up 30 minutes earlier to go for a run or exercise, how much can I improve my overall health and fitness six months from now?
vs.
The bed is so warm and cozy, I’ll just hit the snooze button and I’ll start running tomorrow.
GOALS
This year I want to graduate from college and get a job so that I can develop my skills further and become financially independent.
vs.
I don’t really know why I have to keep going to classes, they’re boring and I don’t even think I’m going to graduate.
SELF-DISCIPLINE
I have an important meeting tomorrow morning so I’ll go to bed early and get enough sleep.
vs.
This show on Netflix is so interesting, I’ll keep watching more episodes. I don’t need that much sleep, this is more fun!
RELATIONSHIPS
My partner and I love each other so I know that this disagreement doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship. We’ll do our best to be honest with each other without being hurtful and saying mean things.
vs.
When I feel hurt, I will lash out and say whatever comes to mind. I want my partner to hurt too! I don’t care if we break up over this.
MENTAL STRENGTH
If I figure out a way to solve this problem and dedicate more time to exploring all my options, I will become more resilient and learn how to deal with obstacles when they show up.
vs.
This problem is causing me too much pain. I can’t even see how to get out of the situation, so what’s the point to try and figure it out? I’ll just quit.
No, I wouldn’t call it normal — but what is sad is that parents frequently use this type of language. And what they don’t seem to understand is just how much this kind of message will follow their children throughout their lives.
Specifically, the way parents talk to their children will help shape their mindsets. And speaking of mindsets, there’s an excellent book on this topic by Carol Dweck called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Dweck explains that we adopt a certain mindset about our abilities very early in life due to the words used by our parents, teachers, and other adults as we were growing up. Over time, these words and phrases shape the attitude we develop towards ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses. As we become adults, we acquire one of two opposing mindsets that ultimately prove to be either empowering or detrimental to our life. A fixed mindset is about believing that your affinities and talents are set in stone so you cannot change or fix them, whereas a growth mindset is about believing that you can grow and cultivate your skills by working continuously on them.
How do you know if you have a fixed mindset?
Think back to a time when you encountered a setback, received criticism, or had a hard time learning something new. Did you ever hear or tell yourself any of the following statements?
I was born this way.
You can never change.
I always get straight A’s in school.
You’re my son/daughter, you’ll study what I tell you to study.
It’s impossible.
I am stupid.
You’ll fail.
It’s better to give up.
You’re not talented.
I am too scared to try.
I can’t do this.
If you did, these statements show a fixed mindset way of thinking. What’s the disadvantage? It can make you feel helpless, irrelevant, and passive. It can lead you to believe there’s nothing in this world that you can control. It can rob you of the freedom to express yourself, learn new things, explore the world, be curious, find out who you can truly be. Essentially, having a fixed mindset holds you back from living your life expansively.
But you don’t have to be resigned about having this mindset forever! There are specific things you can do to make incremental adjustments, go outside your comfort zone bit by bit, and change your way of thinking in small ways every day.
Here are a few ideas for changing from a fixed to a growth mindset way of thinking.
👉🏾 Learn something new every day. It can be anything from brushing up on your history knowledge by watching documentaries on ancient Greece or World War II, to researching something practical such as how to incorporate strength training into your daily workouts.
👉🏾 Don’t take it easy. Next time you are successful at reaching a goal, don’t just sit back and let it all go. Maintain that level of success, from making a plan to improve a skill important for your personal development, and then pushing yourself to a more advanced level.
👉🏾 Absorb knowledge wherever and whenever. Studying shouldn’t be limited just to the classroom. Read books on an interesting topic, take an online class, or watch free tutorials on YouTube on developing a skill you always wanted to have.
👉🏾 Find growth mindset people to spend time with. People closest to you (family, friends, or your partner) can impact your mood, attitude, belief system, and even what you perceive to be your strengths or weaknesses. Your inner circle should include optimistic people who have a can-do attitude towards problem-solving and who encourage you to grow your skills every day.
👉🏾 Change the way you think about success. Instead of thinking that success is being the best, start thinking of success as doing your best. Focus on finding ways to improve how you work and manage your personal development, from planning a difficult task ahead of time to waking up at 6 a.m. so you have time to implement a new positive habit in your life.
👉🏾 Train your brain to see failure in a different way. Instead of seeing your failures as confirmation of your inability to do something, train your brain to see failure as a setback. This is more motivating and helps you build character. Be honest with yourself how you may have contributed to failing, then come up with ways to do better next time.
👉🏾 Welcome new opportunities. Next time you’re faced with a new problem, start by asking yourself, What if? This question is open-ended and trains your brain to think beyond just reacting with, I am stupid or I can’t. It allows you to look at a situation from other angles, practice your critical thinking skills, and creates space to come up with creative solutions to a problem.
Critical thinking is an essential life skill that can help us process information independently and learn from experiences in a more meaningful way.
Why is this important?
As we learn new things in our adult lives, it will benefit us if we don’t merely just “adopt” other people’s thoughts, opinions, and conclusions as our own. Instead, we should form our personal opinions and ask ourselves why these things matter to us, regardless of why they may matter to other people.
I’ll give an example that you may find familiar.
Regardless of where you happen to be at this stage in your life (a college student, an employee, a new parent, a job seeker, an entrepreneur), sooner or later you will hear opinions or get advice from other people. When that happens, it’s wise to take their comments with caution. Why? Because other people’s advice is a bit like listening to an autobiography of their own life experiences. These experiences are a product of their cultural background, the way they were raised, the education they received (or perhaps did not receive), mistakes they made and fears they developed because of those mistakes, goals and values that are important to them that may or may not be aligned to your own goals and values. Just because someone tells you what they think about something, doesn’t automatically make it a fact. It’s just their version of reality — what they think, how they feel, why they consider it important enough to talk about — but it likely is not what reality means to you.
How can you work on developing your critical thinking skills every day?
Be open to different points of view (f.ex., on politics, world history, philosophy, literature, spiritual practice, art, science, technology, etc.) so that you see just how different people’s perspectives can be on various topics. Just because someone believes in something you do not, doesn’t mean you cannot learn from what they have to say.
Ask questions to better understand how things work. Don’t just ask questions that others can respond ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to; instead, ask open-ended questions that begin with why and how. Gather information both for and against an issue so that you can see it from all angles. Give yourself a 360 degree view of the situation.
Extract from all the information you gather what is important to you. This thinking process will be based on your personal goals, value system, priorities, and other factors you consider relevant that will help you figure out what you can learn.
When someone offers their opinion or advice on what you should do, ask yourself these questions:Does this align with my personal values? How would I benefit from taking their opinion seriously or following their advice? Do they encourage me to think independently or do they want me to agree with what they’re saying? Are these comments valuable to me or am I seeking their approval? Do I admire them, or do I just want to be liked? Understanding the motives for our behavior is important because as we’re interacting with people around us, we are experiencing personal growth and developing our independent thinking skills.
It’s difficult to give up on a lifestyle, on things, on people, even places when we became used to them over the years.
Let’s face it, change is hard. And being in your comfort zone (whatever that is for you) just feels better and requires less effort.
Your comfort zone is the space — physical, mental, emotional — that is familiar to you. It can mean different things to different people. Eating foods with specific spices. Driving the same route to school or work every day. Beginning conversations with friends in the same manner. Staying in a job not because it helps you grow your skills, but because it affords you a certain lifestyle. Being in a relationship that no longer feels right but you don’t want to be single again. Watching TV from your couch for hours before going to bed. Helping yourself to another plate of food because there are leftovers.
It’s difficult to give up on these things because over time they have turned into daily habits we repeat over and over, without really asking ourselves why we do them or if they’re still good for us.
Or maybe we don’t think about what happens next. We just think about how good and comfortable it feels now.
What if we changed our approach? Come up with a different way to do something. Stop a negative habit. Challenge ourselves to do something we think is impossible to do. Give ourselves the time and space to grow.
By stepping outside that comfort zone, we could focus on different things such as:
Personal growth.
When you confront something challenging, it usually happens outside of what you’re used to. This forces you to come up with solutions to deal with it, and you’re more likely to learn things you wouldn’t have had to otherwise.
Flexibility.
Every time you are out of your own environment, you learn to adapt in order to survive. You realize that you’ll need to develop skills to communicate better, get answers to questions, and use what you have to make the most of it.
A sense of wonder.
Getting out of your comfort zone shows you the world is bigger than you thought: there is still much to discover, things to learn, people to meet, conversations to mull over, little things to make you wonder and question and keep your mind open.
Wisdom.
Exploring new territory means gaining life experience. Experience is necessary to learn. Learning should lead to knowledge. And prolonged seeking of knowledge should lead to wisdom. This takes time. It’s the best way to make time work for you.
Self-discovery.
How do you know who you can become if you keep yourself stuck in the life you already inhabit? Imagine you decide to do something different this year. What if this decision helps you discover hidden strengths or even talents you didn’t know you have? To find out the best and strongest parts of you, you need to put in the effort, experience some discomfort, and certainly experiment. Think of it as a treasure hunt, but within yourself. There’s some gold you will uncover — but you have to keep your eyes focused on the future.
📖✏️ Getting out of our comfort zone is a popular topic here on Quora, and I am frequently asked questions about it. That’s why I created a workbook called Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. It’s a printable e-book consisting of 5 chapters, each explaining one step to get you out of your comfort zone, followed by question prompts and a workbook section. Find out more about it here.
It’s such a human thing, isn’t it? To observe the lives of others, see their struggles, and come up with solutions of how they could improve their situation in some way (even if they don’t ask you to do it). That’s the difference between being objective and subjective. When you’re objective, you’re not influenced by a personal preference or point of view. You’re more likely to be rational and less emotional. But when you’re subjective, your attitudes, mindset, feelings, and thoughts get added to the mix. It’s harder to see a situation rationally and just look at facts.
What does this all have to do with knowing yourself?
The truth, whether you agree with it or not, is that you’ve already spent a significant amount of time learning about yourself. You’re just not doing it in a mindful way so you think it doesn’t count towards anything. But really, if you have reached adulthood, you have a fairly good idea of who you are. By that I mean you should possess a solid knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses, what excites you, what you’re afraid of, how you typically react to stressful situations, what kinds of social interactions make you feel good (or uncomfortable), what value system you live by, and so on. This is a natural part of growing as a human being — we discover ourselves in day to day situations. That’s the self-discovery part of the equation, kind of like a situational analysis of who you are right now.
But there’s another, even more interesting, part of the equation — and that is exploring not just who you are, but who you can become. This is what I like to call the “what if” scenario. What or who could you become if you stepped out of your comfort zone, if you challenged yourself, if you took more risks, if you didn’t allow fear to dictate your decisions? How hard or easy would your goals be if you were self-disciplined enough to say no to distractions and really focus on what you believe is the right path to a better life?
The “what if” scenario is worth exploring. But it does not have to be anything complicated. All you need is to figure out next steps.
I’ll give several examples of what you can do.
#1. You can give your life more purpose by setting important goals.
Having a realistic, specific, and important goal is one of the most critical factors that can help you build a meaningful future. With goals, everything you do in your day to day life will start feeling like it has a greater sense of purpose. You won’t see your actions as inconsequential or isolated ones. Quite the opposite: everything you do will start to add up to something much bigger.
How do you do that?
Identify specific goals. If your goals sound abstract, you won’t have much to work with. Non-specific goals can be any of the following: I want to get a job, live alone, get fit, lose weight, or have a large salary. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a specific role that pays an annual salary of [write an amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop skills [write the skills you currently have and the ones you will be working on].
Train your brain to focus on the immediate future. Who can be motivated to do anything if they don’t believe it can add up to something big and important? To make a connection between what you are doing each day with your future self, try this simple mind hack. Start each day with this question: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Hold yourself accountable. This means you start being responsible for your actions. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame. For example, I am committed to focusing on my studies in the next 30 days so I can pass all three of my exams with top marks. Or, I am committed to building my physical endurance by running 4 times a week for 3 months so that I can run a 5K race.
#2. You can take the time to develop your core skill set.
You probably have a good idea of skills you’ve already developed in the past 10 or 20 years. Still, there are other skills you’ve identified as important, and maybe you wish you had them already or you’ve already started working on them because you know that the better version of you needs to have those skills. Maybe even more than that: in your vision of the future, the better you is an expert or master in a specific field of expertise! This is why it’s important to identify and develop the core skill set that will help your better self.
How do you do that?
Identify skills you need to succeed in your dream career, current job, or athletic discipline. Take the time to come up with ideas and don’t rush through this step. You might want to go on a walk, hike, or bike ride and use one day this weekend to devote to this activity. The first step is to just brainstorm: think of all the possible skills you will need. Then, when you have a good list in your mind, sit in a quiet place with a pen and paper, and write down a list of all the skills, then select the top 3 that you want to focus on.
Create a skill-building plan. What’s the point of having ideas if there isn’t an action plan to make them come alive? Building new skills takes time. Tolstoy didn’t write Anna Karenina in a day. Nikola Tesla didn’t work on developing the modern alternating current (AC) electricity supply system or wireless communication in a single month. And it’s estimated that Picasso produced around 50,000 works of art during his lifetime. As for you, where can you begin? Take those top 3 skills you’ve selected, then create a plan to devote time each day to them, even if that means only 15 minutes in the beginning.
Practice each skill consistently. It’s one thing to create a plan, and another to put that plan into action. Put your planned time on your calendar and set reminders so you don’t forget what you set for yourself. When you’re working on a skill, make sure it’s deep work — focus on it without interruptions and do not multitask. Keep going even as you make mistakes; if you don’t make mistakes, you are not doing it right!
#3. You can simplify new habits that can improve the quality of your life.
Why? If you make your habits super complicated, you might only work on them for a week or two. Did you notice what happens in January each year when people come up with New Year resolutions, especially those related to fitness? There are many people running in the neighborhood and the gyms in the area are packed. But by the end of the month, most of them have already given up. What happened? Probably their goals were too lofty and the habits too complicated to keep up, given their long commute, family and work responsibilities, and so on. You can approach this problem differently.
How do you do that?
Start with small steps. Practice super short activities that are not only doable but easy to fit into your day so you won’t be able to make excuses for avoiding them. For example, if you’re improving your writing skills, start by writing a paragraph or two each day. If you’re learning a new language, start by learning how to introduce yourself in a sentence or two. If you want to lose 10 pounds, start by going on a 30-minute walk after work to get you in the workout frame of mind.
Make it impossible to say no to your new habit. If it takes a long time to start something new, chances are you’ll give up quickly, maybe even after a week of trying. That’s why it’s important to keep a new habit as simple as possible. For example, do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes every day this month, instead of giving up on working out just because your gym is a 30-minute bus ride away.
Prepare what you need ahead of time. You’ll have a much better chance at achieving success if you’re prepared for action. If you’re overwhelmed and exhausted from studying, go to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book or soothing music. If you want to stop making unhealthy choices for lunch, prepare and pack your meal the night before so you don’t have to grab a burger at a fast food place when you’re starving.
#4. You can say “thank you” for everything you have in your life right now.
There are many benefits to practicing gratitude — and no, it doesn’t mean repeating abstract words or phrases that you learn by heart but don’t understand. If done correctly, this habit can be a total game changer. Practicing gratitude trains your brain to focus on positive things and makes you think of what you already have in your life, as opposed to what you do not. Being grateful will also keep you grounded in your personal life so you are less focused or even obsessed with what others (friends, classmates, people you follow on Instagram) are doing with theirs.
How do you do that?
Do it early in the day. It will only take a few minutes when you wake up and before you start getting ready for work or school. You may want to write your thoughts down in a journal, or think about them silently, or say your thoughts out loud. It’s up to you.
Start small. Focus on 3 things you are grateful for today. It can be having a warm bed to sleep in; a family member or friend who you trust and who encourages you to become the best version of yourself; food in your fridge; the opportunity to focus on your education so that you can take charge of your life and become independent.
Be as specific as possible. If it’s one person you’re grateful for having in your life, emphasize which qualities you are grateful for (they’re warm, intelligent, helpful in giving advice, or incredibly funny). If it’s having your own space, point out why this is important to you (you have your own room or apartment to relax at the end of the day, and devote yourself to activities important to your personal growth).
#5. You can make a deliberate effort to believe in yourself more.
Sure, you will say. But that’s easier said than done. We consider ourselves lucky if a family member or close friend tells us, I believe in you! It’s good to hear, and even if that doesn’t happen that’s OK.It is much more important for you to believe in yourself. This is a challenge because all of us from time to time engage in negative self-talk, give in to self-doubt, and are our biggest critic in the whole world. How can you move beyond that way of thinking? By changing your mindset, bit by bit, each day.
How do you do that?
Develop a growth mindset. In a nutshell, a growth mindset means you stretch yourself to learn something new every day, challenge yourself to solve tough problems, and work consistently until you improve. Instead of telling yourself what you can or cannot do, what you’re talented at, or how you feel stupid whenever you try doing it (all of which is a fixed mindset way of thinking), start expanding your horizons by saying, What if I tried getting better at this every day, in small steps?
Grow your critical thinking muscle. As you experience life and the world around you, it’s important not take everything you see and hear for granted, but rather learn how to think on your own. Start by asking questions — not just those that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ — but also open-ended questions that begin with why and how. Take from the information you receive what is important to you (based on your own personal goals, values, and priorities). When someone offers you advice ask yourself, does it align with my personal values? How would I benefit from following this advice, or is it not useful to me?
Turn obstacles into opportunities. When we encounter an obstacle, it’s a default reaction to get emotional — we feel frustrated, angry, sad, or helpless. As a result, we may turn around and go the other way, we may quit, and we may not ever find out what would’ve happened if we kept going. Instead ofthe emotional reaction, work through the challenge so you can get stronger mentally. Write down the problem and why it happened. Consider all possible solutions and their pros and cons. Make a decision based on the information you know, then act on it. When you’re proactive about your life, you’ll see yourself as stronger and more powerful — which is how you’ll know you are already becoming that better version of yourself.
📖 Because this is an important and popular topic, I created a workbook called Best Version of Yourself. It’s a printable, 30-page book with a checklist of tips and explanations, question prompts, and a workbook section for writing down your answers. Read more about it here.
In increments, in small ways, and every single day.
Your mindset isn’t this big clunky thing that you are given at birth. Actually, nobody is born with a mindset. It’s not something that’s part of your DNA. In fact, your mindset (a set of attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs you hold) is something you acquire over time by observing the world around you, learning new things, developing critical-thinking skills, creating your own opinions, adjusting your behaviors, and so on. It requires action on your part — and that’s a very empowering way to look at it.
Why?
Because if there’s something about your mindset that bothers you, or no longer works in your favor, you can change it.
How do you make that change in your mindset?
#1. You can nurture a growth mindset.
This is a concept Carol Dweck describes in detail in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. The book explains how we adopt a certain mindset about our abilities very early in life due to words we hear from our parents, teachers, and the community we live in. These words are then “baked into” the attitude we develop towards ourselves: what we “should” be doing, what our strengths and weaknesses are, etc. There are two opposing mindsets that can be either empowering or detrimental to your work and life: a fixed mindset (believing that your affinities and talents are set in stone) and a growth mindset (believing that you can grow and cultivate your skills by working continuously on them). You can take specific steps to develop a growth mindset by taking small steps every day: read this article I wrote to find out more.
#2. You can replace saying, “I can’t do this!” with “Why not try?”
It’s a subtle mind trick you play on yourself that can have long-term results. Instead of giving in to a bout of procrastination, you get proactive about something by just giving yourself the option to do it. First, you need to deal with procrastination itself. Start by looking at the source: is there anything hiding behind your procrastination? For example, maybe you’re fearful that you will not be able to do something successfully, even perfectly. Then, practice the “Why not try?” approach so that you leave some space open for possibilities. it doesn’t mean you’ll instantly become a pro at doing something, but you should signal to your brain that it’s OK to be able to at least try it.
#3. You can adopt a positive attitude towards your mistakes.
Making mistakes is a normal part of life. It’s not so much how many mistakes you make in a lifetime, or how severe you believe those mistakes are; it’s how you approach those mistakes that matters in the long run. Why is this important? Because it’s our attitude towards the mistakes we make that can help us heal faster, understand better, and gain more life wisdom with the experience we accumulate. To start, try a different strategy of viewing something you did in your past by forgiving yourself for a particular mistake you made. Tell yourself, it’s done, it’s already in the past. Reflect on the mistake, learn something from it, but don’t hold on to it or ruminate about it for long stretches of time. When you learn to let it go, you will give yourself more freedom to manage your future successfully.
#4. You can be curious about learning new things.
You probably remember being curious as a child, and then over time you got sucked into the world of adulthood, with all the responsibilities, the crazy schedules, and the time that just flies by. But being curious can be an advantage to you at every stage of your life. Start with rethinking what you learn and how you learn it. Why limit your learning experience? Just because something is not taught in school or at university, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend time learning about it. Visit your local library and pick up books on a topic that is interesting to you. Take an online class in the evening, or watch free tutorials on YouTube on developing a skill that will feel empowering to you. Learn something new every day, whether it’s learning how to code, finding out which foods keep you healthy, or which books you can read that will teach you something valuable.
#5. You can keep yourself open to the future.
Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you’re not certain how to proceed, start by asking this question: What if? For example, what if you conquer a fear you’ve had about something that’s been bothering you for some time, such as a fear of speaking in front of a large audience? And what if conquering that fear takes you to a new level of understanding yourself and all the wonderful things you are capable of doing? When you head out on that personal journey, your life can be catapulted forward in ways you could not even imagine today. Instead of seeing life as a series of challenging events you have to endure, you start noticing doors that are open to opportunities that you didn’t notice before. Life becomes an adventure in exploring who you are and how much you can stretch yourself to your full capacity as a human being. And it all begins in one place — your mindset.
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