Tag: Personal growth

How does one figure out their dream and purpose in life?

What a wonderful question to ask!

Finding our purpose and leading a more meaningful life is something we can all relate to, regardless of our nationality, age, gender, education, income bracket, or cultural heritage. And it doesn’t have to be a BIG abstract question — there are always small and practical things we can do about it every day.

Figuring out your purpose in life may require you to make a few small changes and push yourself outside your comfort zone. Here are several examples of what you can do.

👉🏾 Start the day with a sense of purpose.

Most people wake up and immediately start reacting to their day — they pick up their phone, answer emails and text messages, get cranky because family members are noisy or perhaps get in a bad mood because someone in the household is upset or irritable. That’s just an average way to begin the day. How about if you structure your mornings so you immediately know what to do to get yourself on the right track? You can do that if you create your own morning routine.

How it helps to give your life meaning: It’s a simple life hack that makes you feel super productive early, gives you focus and energy, and allows you ample time to do what’s important to your personal development, instead of making other people’s agenda an unnecessary priority. And even more important, it gives every day a sense of direction.

👉🏾 Find your superpower.

Do you think of yourself as a person who just goes about their life, trying to get things done, meet tough deadlines, yet not really consider yourself talented or knowledgeable at any one thing? That won’t help you lead a meaningful life! To make a change, identify something you’re really good or maybe even feel deep passion for. It can be something that — when you do it — makes you feel happy, alive, buzzed with energy, and always 100% focused. Maybe you’re into developing a new app, or being fluent in three languages, or running for miles with a ton of energy to spare. That is your superpower.

How it helps to give your life meaning: Believe it or not, most people either don’t know what their passion is, or they don’t take the time to find out what it is (which is a missed opportunity!), or don’t think it’s important to explore what it can be. Be sure you take the time to find out what yours is.

👉🏾 Identify goals you can aspire to.

If you’re just living your life day by day without having any specific goal in mind of what you’d like to do in the future, then you’re not being respectful of your own time on this planet. To get your mind on the goal track, have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself, where do I see myself in the future, who do I want to become, what would be an ideal lifestyle for me in ten years? Then write down your top 3 goals, map out what you need to do every day so that you can reach them, and create a weekly and monthly schedule so you can work every day towards achieving them.

How it helps to give your life meaning: Goals are a great way to stay focused on what is truly important to you. Even more important, they give everything you do in your daily life more meaning. That pertains to any type of goal: those that are school or work-related, focused on developing a particular set of skills, related to a talent you’ve ignored lately, an insecurity that is preventing you from moving on, or a network of friends or professional connections you need to build.

👉🏾 Express gratitude for what you have in your life.

For most people, it’s pretty common to assume that whatever is happening in your life, as well as your life circumstances, is just something “normal.” If you find yourself making similar assumptions about your life, that means you rarely pay attention to what exactly it is you have going for you. Want to change that mindset? Practice gratitude. For five minutes each morning, write down or think about 3 things you are grateful for today: it can be something as simple as a roof over your head, food in the fridge, a warm bed, running water and electricity, a positive relationship with someone close to you, etc.

How it helps to give your life meaning: Practicing gratitude rewires your brain to focus on positive things, which sets the tone for the rest of your day, and can directly impact the way you perceive your life. You will also train your brain not to focus and dwell on things you don’t have and that others may have, which inevitably leads to feelings of jealousy, envy, frustration, and unhappiness.

👉🏾 Become a person that others can look up to.

Have you ever heard of stories your friends shared about someone who did something unexpected, illogical, selfish, foolish, that took them off their life path and caused them to lose focus of what’s truly important in life? You don’t want to be that person. Instead, you want to use your intelligence. You want to make smart choices — whether big or small — that will help you get on the path to becoming the best version of yourself. Make it a personal goal to become someone people seek to gain knowledge in a particular field of expertise, or to be the person friends come to when they need guidance or just a warm embrace.

How it helps to give your life meaning: When you strive to help others in some way, you put yourself on a path to become a hero (or as the Greeks called ἥρως (hērōs). A hero is a warrior, a defender, a protector. All those goals will empower you to lead an extraordinary life full of meaning. Why? Because you are contributing to something much bigger than yourself, and you show that you have even greater goals to aspire to.

👉🏾 Be selective about how you are feeding your brain.

We’ve all been there — indulging in whatever form of entertainment we have available and letting it consume our free time. Watching TV for hours, listening to radio shows with constant commercial interruptions, browsing magazines or newspapers without a specific idea of what to look for and why it’s relevant to our life. What if you incorporated a few smart hobbies into your day? Pick better brain food, like watching documentaries on politics, history or nature. Listen to podcasts while you’re preparing dinner or tidying up your apartment. Read books to learn about human nature, boost your critical thinking skills, and give yourself the space and time to dream.

How it helps to give your life meaning: When you make this switch to ingesting better brain food, you start treating your brain with more respect. After all, your brain is a supercomputer! You create an awareness that you can do so much more with it, nurture it, and use it as a tool to help you improve yourself in every aspect of your life.

👉🏾 Develop a growth mindset.

Your mindset is a set of attitudes you have towards yourself and the world that you’ve built up over the years, and that started with messages in early childhood from parents, teachers, and other adults. Statements such as, “You should do this because you’re good at it” or “Don’t waste time on that because it’s not in your nature” get absorbed over time and lead to a fixed mindset way of thinking. When you have a fixed mindset, you feel stuck and can’t change the way you think about your abilities. To develop a growth mindset, you have to leave behind the limiting beliefs of what is possible, and tell yourself that your skills and abilities can be improved if you work on them consistently over time. Ask, what if I tried this? What could doing this new thing afford me? How will it help me grow? Where could I go from here?

How it helps to give your life meaning: A growth mindset means you keep yourself open to possibilities, allow yourself time to explore what excites you and what you are passionate about, and give yourself the permission to make mistakes as you work on improving skills that matter to you. If you practice it every day, you’ll see a big difference in how you see your life.

Does everyone seek to find a purpose in life?

If we don’t, we should.

And I’m not saying that this is an easy endeavor. Quite the opposite. But let’s face it. It is a challenge to keep going forward, day by day, month by month, year by year, without any sense of direction or understanding why we are here. As a human being, it’s natural and expected to ask yourself all the why questions.

Why are we are alive?

Why do we matter?

Why do we do the things we do, day in and day out, and what is it all for?

If you’re looking forward to finding out the answers in this post, sorry to disappoint you. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this:

If life is to be meaningful, we need to have a bigger picture in mind.

Instead of being emotional and letting our feelings drive our decisions, we need to take the time to think things through. Understand what drives us. Identify personal goals that matter to us. Create a plan and a schedule to attain those goals — maybe even just one goal for now. Practice positive daily habits. Get better at something. And once we get better, instead of keeping the knowledge to ourselves, share it with others and help them on the path to achieving their goals.

As for you, if this is something you’d like to look into, there are different ways to find more purpose in life. For example:

👉🏾 Find your superpower.

Do you think of yourself as a person who just goes about their life, trying to get things done, but don’t really consider yourself talented or knowledgeable at any one thing? That won’t help you lead a meaningful life. To make a change, identify something you’re really good or maybe even feel deep passion for. It can be something that makes you feel happy, alive, buzzed with energy, and always 100% focused when you do it. Maybe you enjoy developing apps, or being fluent in three languages, or running for miles. Thatis your superpower. Once you identify it, you’ll have a better idea of what you need to do to take advantage of it.

How it helps to give your life purpose: Believe it or not, most people either don’t know what their passion is, or they don’t take the time to find out what it is — what a missed opportunity! — or don’t think it’s important to explore what it can be. Be sure you take the time to find out what yours is. Spend more time with yourself. Go on long walks. Start a journal. Write your thoughts down. Ask yourself challenging questions like, Why is this important to me?

👉🏾 Identify goals you can aspire to.

If you’re living day to day without having any specific goal in mind of what you’d like to do in the future, you’re not being respectful of your own time on this planet. To get your mind on the goal track, have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself, Where do I see myself in the future, who do I want to become, what would be an ideal lifestyle for me in ten years? Then write down your top 3 goals, map out what you need to do every day so that you can reach them, and create a weekly and monthly schedule so you can work every day towards achieving them.

How it helps to give your life purpose: Goals are a great way to stay focused on what is important to you. Even more than that, they give everything you do in your daily life more meaning. That pertains to any type of goal: those that are school or work-related, focused on developing a particular set of skills, related to a talent you’ve ignored lately, an insecurity that is preventing you from moving on, or a network of friends or professional connections you need to build.

👉🏾 Express gratitude for what you have in your life this very minute.

For most people, there’s a common assumption that whatever is happening in their life is just something they have to put up with. It is what it is. It’s my lot in life. It’s not ideal. It’s not what I’ve wanted. If you find yourself making similar assumptions about your life, that means you rarely pay attention to what exactly it is you do have going for you. Want to change that mindset? Practice gratitude. For five minutes each morning, write down or think about 3 things you are grateful for today: a roof over your head, food in the fridge, a warm bed, running water and electricity, a positive relationship with someone close to you, etc.

How it helps to give your life purpose: Practicing gratitude rewires your brain to focus on positive things, which sets the tone for the rest of your day, and can directly impact the way you perceive your life. You will also train your brain not to dwell on things you don’t have and that others may have, which inevitably leads to feelings of jealousy, envy, frustration, and unhappiness.

👉🏾 Be the kind of person others can look up to.

Do you have a friend of family member who has a habit of doing immature, unexpected, illogical, selfish, even foolish things? Someone who quits school because it’s “too boring” and two years later can’t seem to find anything to do, or someone who walks away from friendships and relationships because they think everyone should devote all their time to them, without taking accountability for their actions? Don’t be like that person. Use your intelligence. Make smart choices—whether big or small — that will help you get on the path to becoming a better version of yourself. Make it a personal goal to become someone people seek to gain knowledge in a particular field of expertise, or to be the person friends come to when they need guidance or even just a warm embrace.

How it helps to give your life purpose: When you strive to help others in some way, you put yourself on a path to become a hero. The word originates from the Greek ἥρως (hērōs). A hero is a warrior but also a defender, a protector. Why strive to be one? Because by behaving like a hero in small ways every day you are contributing to something much bigger than yourself, and you show that you have even greater goals (not just personal ones) to aspire to.

👉🏾 Develop a growth mindset.

Think of your mindset as a set of attitudes you have towards yourself and the world around you that you’ve built up over the years. It all started with statements you heard as a child from parents, teachers, and other adults around you. Do this because you’re a natural at it! Don’t waste your time, it’s not for you! You’re so smart/stupid/talented/incapable! These messages lead to a fixed mindset way of thinking, where you don’t stretch yourself in any way to change the way you think about your abilities. To develop a growth mindset, you need to leave behind these limiting beliefs and tell yourself that your skills and abilities can be improved over time. Ask, What if I tried this? What could it afford me? How will it help me grow?

How it helps to give your life meaning: A growth mindset means you keep yourself open to possibilities, allow yourself time to explore what excites you and what you are passionate about, and give yourself permission to make mistakes as you work on improving skills that matter. If you practice it every day, it has the potential to transform your life. One final tip: read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success to learn how mindsets work and why they are critical to your development and success.

What are the best ways to become mentally strong?

Your best bet is to be consistent with positive habits that will boost your mental strength.

The positive habits I’m talking about are not about eating healthy, working out regularly, and getting enough sleep, although those are important too. I’m talking about the way you think — about problems, obstacles, your abilities and skills — even the way you react to other people and how they interact with you.

I’ll give you examples of 5 positive habits you can practice every day that can improve your mental strength.

#1. Change the way you react to unexpected situations.

Encountering unexpected situations in life is a normal thing. This current situation with the COVID-19 pandemic, questions about getting vaccinated, the possibility of returning to work or school is definitely something out of the ordinary. But it’s not the first time you’ve encountered a turbulent time. In fact, more often than not, whatever you have on your regular daily schedule gets pushed back due to delays in traffic, people running late, forgetting to bring your wallet or lunch with you to work or school, and so on. Instead of responding with anger, helplessness, or frustration, it will benefit you to go with the flow.

How can you do it?

Step one is to be aware of the thoughts running through your mind as you’re reacting to the unexpected event. I can’t believe I forgot to do that! This is going to be a disaster! I’ll be late and totally miss my class! Step two is to tell yourself that whatever emotion you are feeling is only temporary. You can say, Of course I’m upset but this feeling will pass! And step 3 is to ask yourself, What can I do right now to make myself feel better?You can choose to take a few deep breaths, write a list of 1–3 things you can do to correct the situation, or go on a short walk to give yourself the space to calm down.

#2. Experience obstacles in a different way.

How often have you told yourself that if only it weren’t for a strict professor, slow bus driver or difficult family member, you would have managed to complete a school or work task on time? In those moments when you’re trying to rationalize the situation, you’re blaming the obstacles (in this instance, other people) for not letting you achieve a goal. To put it differently, you’re giving the external factors top priority and more importance than anything you can do. But what if obstacles were to serve a different purpose in your life? Instead of using them as an excuse to avoid or even to quit something, you can use them to your advantage.

How can you do it?

In his book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual, retired US Navy SEAL Jocko Willink gives an unusual idea for dealing with obstacles. He says that when you reach an obstacle, instead of saying, Oh no! you should embrace it and say, GOOD! It’s a mindset switch that can yield positive results because (a) it affects how you react to a problematic situation, (b) gives you a greater feeling of control, and (c) allows your brain to be more flexible instead of rigid. If you’ve been getting bad grades in your college courses in the past year, GOOD! Now you’ll have more time to prepare and organize your study days more effectively. If you’ve been complaining that your desk is cluttered so you don’t have space to study, GOOD! Now you’ll find the time, maybe just 10 minutes, to tidy up.

#3. Be consistent in growing your mindset every day.

Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford, wrote a book called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in which she makes an important distinction between two mindsets: fixed and growth mindset. A fixed mindset is when you think the world is “fixed” i.e. everything stays the same forever, people never change and cannot control their lives (that goes for you too). But if you develop a growth mindset, you start seeing yourself as a person who can get better at life skills if you work consistently on them over time. The benefit: instead of feeling powerless and weak, you feel more powerful about making changes in your life if those changes help you move forward.

How can you do it?

Shift your focus from “awfulizing” about a negative situation (failing an exam, getting a bad review for a project you submitted, gaining 10 pounds) to identifying something that is within your control and that you can work on every single day. If you wasted time while you should have been studying, organize your day better and remove distractions so you’re not tempted to multitask. If you want to be healthy and fit, prepare meals ahead of time so you’re not tempted to eat junk food. If you find yourself overwhelmed watching the news but can’t find the time to relax, turn off the TV, take that book that’s been sitting on your shelf for months and read the first chapter.

#4. Reduce your exposure to toxic people.

This one isn’t easy. Sometimes those closest to us can be extremely negative people, repeating how it’s impossible to do anything, complaining about their lot in life, blaming others for their failures, or focusing only on what’s preventing them from being happy — in their opinion. These people can be your friends, family members, even your partner or best friend. They may claim they know what’s best for you and they care about what happens to you, and that’s why their advice is to be careful, not try anything new (or learn new things) so as not to move forward. This is why it’s important to reduce the amount of time you spend with them.

How can you do it?

When you get unsolicited advice or are asked to spend time dealing with other people’s problems, remember that you have the power to live life the way you want to live it. Your decisions will primarily affect you and your future, so it’s important to have them work to your advantage instead of the advantage of others. Rather than allowing others to take over your time and then later resenting them for it, come up with an action plan. If someone whose behavior is toxic wants you to spend an evening listening to their problems or stories, say no and tell them you’re busy. If a friend or neighbor wants to gossip, don’t encourage them to continue and switch the topic. If you see your phone light up from incoming text messages when you’re supposed to be working, let the person know later that if they continue bothering you, you won’t respond at all.

#5. Practice your NO muscle.

If you often find yourself running out of time to do what you need or would like to have time for, that means you’re saying yes to too many things, and ultimately wasting time and energy on things or situations that are not that important in the long run. What are some real-life examples? Giving in to distractions of any kind such as spending hours on insignificant activities, pointless conversations, participating in drama caused by a partner or family member, answering every phone call, or indulging in passive forms of entertainment like watching TV or Netflix for hours. When you say no to distractions, you make a positive change that will impact each day and improve the quality of your overall life.

How can you do it?

Practicing your “no” muscle means saying no in a variety of situations. If there’s leftover cake in the fridge, don’t eat a double portion for the next three days just because you can and it’s there. If you’re in the middle of finishing up a project and a friend asks you out, don’t drop everything because you want to please them. If there’s someone in your life who constantly requires your attention, don’t put their needs ahead of your goals for the day. Know your priorities — and stay in tune with them. Be aware of what is relevant to you and why you’re working on something. If you think of it this way, you’re less likely to ignore the things that are beneficial to your personal and professional growth.

👉🏾📖 I created a workbook based on this answer called 5 Ways to Boost Mental Strength. It is a printable, 31-page book that includes tips, question prompts, a workbook section for writing down your answers, and a list of recommended reading on the topic of mental strength. To learn more, check out this page.

How can I deal with the vast difference between what I wish my life was and what it actually is?

Wishing things for yourself is like being in a cocoon. It’s your comfort zone in which you get to dream, think, imagine. It’s the space to think of a million scenarios where things go your way, you live a wonderful life, have a beautiful home, enjoy the company of a partner who is a perfect fit for you, have a job that earns you an income where you can live comfortably and still have enough money to go on vacations to tropical destinations of your choice.

Speaking of destinations, that’s the thing.

Your cocoon of dreaming and wishing shouldn’t be a destination in itself. It should be a starting point. You can use that time to prioritize what are the things most important to you and your personal growth. Then you can create goals so that those wishes don’t just stay in the realm of your imagination. They can be the motivational force to move you forward into a future you can create for yourself.

The good thing about goals is that they give your dreams a sense of purpose — you have an awareness of what you desire in life, which extends beyond what’s happening in your current life. Once you know what it is you desire, you can be honest with yourself about how badly you want it. Are you willing to give up a bad habit today so you can invest in a better life two years from now? Can you be self-disciplined to build habits you can practice daily to keep you on track towards reaching an important goal? How will you measure your progress and stay motivated to keep going until you get there? What do you imagine it will feel like when you do eventually reach that goal?

Those are the questions that will help you step out of the cocoon of wishes and dreams, and on to the path towards making tangible, real changes in your life.

This plan of action is very real. You can do this.

For example, you can:

👉🏾 Think about what you want your dream life to be.

Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:

  • Where do you want to be 1, 5, or even 10 years from now? Don’t think only geography and economy of your country, but more in terms of personal development and skill level.
  • Who do you want to become in your career — a leader, CEO of a startup, data analyst in a Fortune 500 company, innovator, scientist, writer?
  • What is your dream scenario — living a life in a specific city, becoming an expert at something, being surrounded by smart and interesting people who contribute to my personal growth and well-being?

👉🏾 Create a specific goal.

Don’t just stop at dreaming and wishing a certain lifestyle for yourself. If you’re stuck in the imaginary world, your brain won’t know what to focus on and how to take action on an idea you’re thinking about.

  • Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job, or move out of my parents’ house, or get fit, or have a large salary.
  • Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you want to get a job of your dreams, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills + new skills you’re working on].

👉🏾 Start seeing everything you do as a personal choice, not an obligation.

  • Tell yourself, “I really want to see myself succeed at this!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you’re reacting to things or you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
  • Remind yourself of the reason for action with this question: “Why am I choosing this goal?” Make the connection with the initial wishes and dreams you had for yourself at the beginning. It can be passing all exams so you can graduate from college, start your own business, earn a promotion that will help you save up more money to purchase a home, etc.

👉🏾 Make your goal actionable.

Set aside one hour after dinner tonight to create a plan of action that will make your dreams more tangible and real.

  • Select your top 3 personal goals. They can be anything you’ve been dreaming about for years, or something you’ve started considering more seriously in the past year or two.
  • Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis. It can be to practice a skill three times a week, set aside an hour a day to focus and do research, or sign up for a class to broaden your knowledge in a field.
  • Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside blocks of time to making progress in the areas you’ve identified. Start small, with a 15–30 minute block of time. You’ll be surprised how much the time adds up without you having to give up on other things you need to do during the day.

👉🏾 Measure your progress.

After following your new goal schedule for one week, make an assessment of the progress you made. Be honest in answering the following questions:

  • Did some activities take more time than you anticipated? If so, why?
  • What was easy to do? Why do you think it wasn’t as difficult as you initially thought?
  • What could you have done better? Could you have started earlier in the day, found an efficient way to turn off what distracts you, used shortcuts to save time without sacrificing the quality of your work?
  • In what way can you improve the following week? Can you focus only on one activity to make significant progress?
  • How will you measure your progress? Can you set milestones to reach by the end of each week, or deadlines that will keep you on track? Will you track your progress in a spreadsheet or a bullet journal?

Why does comfort make us stagnate in life?

It’s not that all things that give us comfort cause us to stagnate in life.

For example, I made lemon pound cake last night and right now I’m having one slice along with my afternoon coffee.

Eating anything with lemons in it gives me comfort. It reminds me of childhood and growing up on the Mediterranean coast. I love the color yellow. And I definitely love dessert. All these things are enjoyable to me. They have nothing to do with stagnation.

The same goes for my favorite cozy sweater, the soft wool blanket that I pull over myself as I’m reading a book at night, and getting a goodnight hug. Comfort is healing. Comfort boosts endorphins, our happy hormones. Comfort feels good. It’s not really associated with progress or goals or moving forward.

What you’re probably referring to is staying in your comfort zone and not doing things differently in order to make progress in your life, both personally and professionally. Repeating the same negative habit because you’re so used to it. Staying up late even though you know you need to wake up early. Being in a relationship that no longer feels right but you don’t want to be single again. Studying 12-hour days and not leaving your desk even though you feel miserable and stuck. Eating fast food three times a week even though you can’t fit into your jeans any more but it’s delicious and you don’t have time to cook anyway.

The problem with all these behaviors is this:

If you don’t leave your comfort zone, you’ll never know.

What could have been a different outcome if only you had taken action.

How much extra time you’d have on your hands if you managed your day better.

Who you could have met that would be a better match for you.

How full of energy you’d be if you had a good night’s rest.

To paraphrase American writer Kurt Vonnegut, you’ll never know to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Conversely, how does leaving your comfort zone help you move forward in life?

You make space for personal growth. When you confront something challenging, it’s usually something new and different from what you’re used to. This new situation forces you to come up with solutions to deal with it, and you’re more likely to learn things you wouldn’t have had to learn otherwise.

You work your flexibility muscle. Every time you are out of your own environment, you learn to adapt in order to survive. You realize that you’ll need to develop skills to communicate better, get answers to questions, and use the skills you have to make the most of it.

You feed your curiosity. Getting out of your comfort zone shows you the world is bigger than you thought it was: there is still much to discover, stuff to learn, people to meet, conversations to make you think deeper, little things to make you wonder and question and keep your mind open.

You gain wisdom. Exploring new territory means gaining experience in life. Experience is necessary to learn. Learning should lead to knowledge. And prolonged seeking of knowledge should lead to wisdom. This takes time. It is something you can turn into an advantage because you get to make time work for you instead of against you.

You discover new things about yourself. How do you know who you can become if you keep yourself imprisoned in your current life? What if you take on a tough challenge, go for that goal that seems next to impossible, and stretch yourself beyond the skills you possess in this very moment? What if this way of thinking allows you to discover strengths that can help not only you, but other people as well? Yes, going into the unknown is a journey outside of what’s comfortable. But who you can become in the process — that is priceless.

How do you know if you’ve got the right mindset? How do you cultivate it if you don’t?

To be fair, I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong mindset. But it’s true, there are certain mindsets that can be more helpful to us while others can be detrimental and sometimes even self-destructive. In real life, it’s likely that our mindsets change over time due to our life experiences, our age, the circumstances we find ourselves in, and our emotional agility to deal with life’s challenges and obstacles. The good news is this: we can change our mindset so it can work for us, not against us.

There’s an excellent book on this topic by Carol Dweck called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Dweck explains that we adopt a certain mindset about our abilities very early in life due to the words used by our parents, teachers, and other adults as we were growing up. Over time, these words and phrases shape the attitude we develop towards ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses. As we become adults, we acquire one of two opposing mindsets that ultimately prove to be either empowering or detrimental to our life. A fixed mindset is about believing that your affinities and talents are set in stone so you cannot change or fix them, whereas a growth mindset is about believing that you can grow and cultivate your skills by working continuously on them.

How do you know if you have a fixed mindset? Think back to a time when you encountered a setback, received criticism, or had a hard time learning something new. Did you ever hear or tell yourself any of the following statements?

I always get straight A’s in school.

You can never change.

It’s impossible.

I was born this way.

You’re my son/daughter, you’ll study what I tell you to study.

I’ll fail.

You can’t understand this at all.

It’s better to give up.

You’re not talented.

I am too scared to do this.

I can’t.

If you did, these statements show a fixed mindset way of thinking. What’s the disadvantage? It can make you feel helpless, irrelevant, and passive. It can lead you to believe there’s nothing in this world that you can control. It can rob you of the freedom to express yourself, learn new things, explore the world, be curious, find out who you can truly be. Essentially, having a fixed mindset holds you back from living your life expansively.

If you want to start practicing a growth mindset, you can start right now. It’s not a huge shift. It’s a matter of knowing what you want to change, being consistent in practicing a new behavior, and keeping yourself open to experiencing new things. Here are a few ideas.

👉🏾 Learn something new every day. It can be anything from brushing up on your history knowledge by watching documentaries on ancient Greece or World War II, to researching something practical such as how to incorporate strength training into your daily workouts.

👉🏾 Don’t take it easy. Next time you are successful at reaching a goal, don’t just sit back and let it all go. Maintain that level of success, from making a plan to improve a skill important for your personal development, and then pushing yourself to a more advanced level.

👉🏾 Absorb knowledge wherever and whenever. Studying shouldn’t be limited just to the classroom. Read books on an interesting topic, take an online class, or watch free tutorials on YouTube on developing a skill you always wanted to have.

👉🏾 Find growth mindset people to spend time with. People closest to you (family, friends, or your partner) can impact your mood, attitude, belief system, and even what you perceive to be your strengths or weaknesses. Your inner circle should include optimistic people who have a can-do attitude towards problem-solving and who encourage you to grow your skills every day.

👉🏾 Change the way you think about success. Instead of thinking that success is being the best, start thinking of success as doing your best. Focus on finding ways to improve how you work and manage your personal development, from planning a difficult task ahead of time to waking up at 6 a.m. so you have time to implement a new positive habit in your life.

👉🏾 Train your brain to see failure in a different way. Instead of seeing your failures as confirmation of your inability to do something, train your brain to see failure as a setback. This is more motivating and helps you build character. Be honest with yourself how you may have contributed to failing, then come up with ways to do better next time.

👉🏾 Welcome new opportunities. Next time you’re faced with a new problem, start by asking yourself, What if? This question is open-ended and trains your brain to think beyond just reacting with “I can’t.” It allows you to look at a situation from other angles, practice critical thinking skills, and gives you time to come up with creative solutions to a problem.

How do you incorporate stoicism into your everyday life?

Practical question!

And it’s true. Stoicism can become a way of life you can practice every day to help you navigate more easily through all the surprises, challenges, and obstacles life has in store for you.

Here are 3 ways to incorporate stoicism into your daily life.

Embrace discomfort.

Being stoic isn’t about staying in your comfort zone. That’s the place where you’re surrounded by familiar things, people, and experiences. If you are used to studying for 12 hours at your desk, you keep doing it even if it makes you dizzy and leaves you unmotivated. If you react the same way when you have a problem at work, you continue with the same problem-solving approach even though you know the results won’t be any different. Staying in your comfort zone is the opposite of growth. As soon as you step out of it, you give yourself a chance to experience something new. Yes, you’ll experience growing pains. Yes, you’ll feel discomfort. Yes, you may feel out of place, or not knowledgeable enough, or even silly. Those are all good things. The more you get used to discomfort, the more flexible you’ll be when problem-solving. You can:

  • Give yourself permission to feel. Being stoic isn’t about being in denial. You need to process your thoughts and feelings so they don’t overwhelm you. The best way to do this is by giving yourself the time to observe what you’re feeling. Are you scared? Frustrated? Feeling like you don’t belong? Dreading that you’ll fail? Acknowledge those feelings. Your awareness will benefit you.
  • Learn to rely on yourself by trying to solve a problem at work or school by yourself first. If you make mistakes, it’s good. Mistakes will eventually lead you to success. You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. And, you won’t be dependent on others to solve your problems.
  • Don’t be afraid to try a different way of overcoming an obstacle. Experiment a little. Try something new. Learn and repeat and get better at something.

Learn to practice self-discipline.

This is probably the top habit to embrace if you want to practice stoicism. Why? Because putting off activities that make you feel great and give you pleasure does have its advantages. When you give yourself a healthy dose of self-discipline, you do something difficult first in order to reward yourself later. There’s even science to back this up: Stanford University’s Marshmallow experiment shows how delayed gratification can increase your chances at succeeding in many areas of your life. You can:

  • Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing deep work. It will help you reduce the amount of procrastination you feel when you’re trying to prep for exams or meet deadlines for work projects. Use the first 4 hours of the day to read, write, problem-solve. Your brain will be able to focus more effectively.
  • Resist the usual routine of waking up and reaching for your phone to start scrolling. If you’re like most people, you probably like to check email, Twitter, funny Tik Tok videos, websites, blogs, or even games. One good way to resist this is to turn off all notifications so you don’t see them pop up every time there’s a new post somewhere.
  • Leave conversations, social media, and TV activities for the evening. Once you’re done with work for the day, of course you need to rest and have fun. Hold yourself accountable and don’t do things just for the pleasure of it unless you’ve completed your daily work goals.

Don’t waste time on pointless activities.

The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca devotes a section of his book On the Shortness of Lifeto this problem. Indulging in pointless activities was an issue for many people back then, too. Seneca describes gluttony, vanity, focusing on materialistic things, and trying to impress others. If you think about it, it’s not that different from our world today. There are ways to use your time more wisely. You can:

  • Reduce your exposure to social media. Find a way to measure how much time you spend on Twitter, for example, and when you usually do this. Make a plan to reduce the total time and to check updates only in the evening.
  • Don’t indulge in gossip and complaining when talking to friends. What would be the point, the end result of such an activity? You can’t change people’s behavior, and they won’t care about your opinion of them anyway. Find other topics that are more helpful and interesting. Use the time to learn something new from one another, tell a funny story, or share a positive experience.
  • Keep one specific goal top of mind. When you’re focused on a personal or professional goal, you’re less likely to distract yourself with activities that will take you away from it. A good habit to practice each morning is to ask yourself, What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Your answer will help your brain focus better because it won’t have to constantly evaluate and make decisions. And the rest of the day you’ll know that this is your mission and you will do what it takes to accomplish it. Just like in the words of Seneca, “Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation.”

What are the best ways to become excellent at what you do, and why?

Depends on who’s asking the question.

If it’s you, excellence can mean creating a product that is aesthetically beautiful, unparalleled, unique. An object that others admire and want to own. A work of art that’s so well-crafted that you’re willing to pay a large amount of money to own it.

If it’s me, excellence can mean working on my writing skills in small increments every single day. Organizing my notes in a bullet journal. Doing brainstorming exercises of ideas I’ll write more about. Drafting and editing articles, blog posts, or Quora answers. Rewriting a sentence many times until it is clear, concise, yet interesting to read.

And if it’s someone else, excellence can mean something different. Winning a chess championship. Getting straight A’s in school. Becoming fluent in a foreign language. Achieving top athlete status on the college football team. Baking a perfect baguette that looks like it came straight out of a bakery in Paris.

In other words, becoming excellent at what you do needs to be connected to something close and personal to you, not to other people. Because if you’re on the path to achieve it, you’ll have to make sure you’re not following someone else’s path — your parents, grandparents, close friends, even your partner’s path. It needs to be YOUR path towards excellence.

And if that’s what is important to you, then you’ll need to think about a few things.

#1. Creating a specific goal.

Going through life just day by day, without knowing where you’re actually going, isn’t the most constructive way to live. But when you have a goal you’re working towards, you push yourself on the path towards achieving excellence.

  • Make your goal specific. For example, don’t just say that you want to get a job, win a marathon, become rich. Instead, say you want to get a job offer for a specific job title that pays a certain annual salary so that you can develop specific skills, both current and future ones.
  • Stay focused on your goal. Increase your focus by starting each day with the question: What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today? It forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do on that particular day, so you don’t feel overwhelmed with making too many choices.

#2. Having a strategy.

Goals are important, but developing your strategy is equally important. Having a strategy means having “the big picture” in mind: not just focusing on what you want to do right now, but also keeping your eye on at least two steps ahead.

  • Think outside the box. Consider different approaches to get you closer to your goal. That means be flexible and don’t always stick to the tried and true way of approaching a problem.
  • Don’t focus only on short-term success. Being strategic isn’t only what you’re doing right right this very moment; it’s also about feeling the benefits of your present actions in the future.
  • Think about your future self. For example, think of who you want to be in 10 years. By being strategic you will empower yourself to achieve long-term results that your future self can benefit from.

#3. Developing your skills.

It’s impossible to achieve excellence in any field without a required skill set that will set you apart from others doing the same thing. What are some examples of skills? Leadership. Decision-making. Communication. Critical thinking. Problem-solving. Mastering pivot tables in Excel.

  • Identify skills necessary to succeed in your profession. List them. Hard skills, soft skills, creative skills. If you’re not sure what are necessary skills, find people who are already successful in that area and identify the skills they possess.
  • Work on developing the core skills. Create a plan to devote a certain amount of time each day to do this, even if you only set aside 15 minutes in the beginning.
  • Practice each skill consistently. This is about persistence and creating time in your schedule to do “deep work”: focusing without interruptions on a complex cognitive task such as problem-solving.

#4. Implementing those skills.

What’s the point of having a skill if you’re not going to apply it? Find out how to use the skills you’ve acquired to solve a problem that you are facing or that others find challenging.

  • Identify one area where you can apply the skills you learned. Perhaps you’re switching jobs and looking for a role where that particular skill is desirable to have. Go on LinkedIn and search for roles that have that skill listed as a keyword in the job title or description.
  • Show and tell. You’ll need to prove that you’re good at the skills you practiced and promoted as your key strengths. If you’re preparing for a job interview, write down several situations where you needed to apply a core skill to resolve a problem in a previous job.
  • Emphasize the benefits. To convince others that you’re great at what you do, explain how they will benefit. Tell them how your skill will help them solve a business problem, save them time and resources, or improve communication and collaboration between teams.

#5. Doing it all again tomorrow.

Achieving excellence is not — and should never be — about achieving glory in one moment in time. Excellence is a work in progress. It’s about what you do today to make something better. It’s about repeating and practicing and doing it over and over again. Most of all, it’s about staying on track so the goal you set for yourself is always in the back of your mind.

  • Keep your ego in check. If you’ve done exceptionally well on a recent job or exam, don’t get complacent or lazy. Don’t let an excellent grade in a college course go to your head so you forget to study for the next course. Keep your eyes straight ahead to reach bigger goals.
  • Maintain a regular schedule to practice your skills. Don’t forget about your achievements just because you’re done with a project or you’re going on vacation in a few weeks. Create a plan to practice skills regularly so it’s easier to maintain them over an extended period of time.
  • Practice a growth mindset way of thinking. If you want to be excellent at what you do — and stay excellent at it — it pays off to apply critical-thinking skills by asking yourself questions on a regular basis. Which problem have I solved? How can I improve even more? What’s the next level or milestone I need to reach to excel at what I’m doing?

What are 10 good life hacks?

When I see the phrase “life hacks” it makes me curious. Take a minute to think about what it means to you. Are you thinking about shortcuts, tips, an alternative way to reach a goal? I always thought about life hacks as a roadmap to self-improvement, as ideas I can apply to my life to make something better. A big part of this roadmap is dedicating time to think about what will give my life more meaning, how to make work easier, how to train my brain to focus on positive things, how I can be useful to others.

Maybe you can use this time to think how to make something better for you too.

Here’s my list of 10.

#1. Start expecting BIG things. Things you can be part of. Things that you can change for the better: the status of your education, a problem at work, the way you lead your personal life. Imagine a better scenario for yourself, consider what needs to happen to make it a reality, then come up with a concrete plan. And don’t stop there. Do something, starting today, however small, to make it real. Give it 5 minutes today. Then do one more small thing tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.

#2. Have YOUR OWN opinion. Just because your friends say something is cool (or not cool), interesting, dull, totally acceptable or not, does not mean you need to mirror what they say, do, or tell you to do. Practice your critical-thinking skills. Ask yourself if the thing in question is important to you, and if it is, why it’s important. Or if it isn’t, then ask yourself why you should waste time on it. Question things. Don’t blindly accept what you’re told. Grow that critical thinking muscle.

#3. BE PROUD of what makes you different. It may be your heritage, the value system you’ve been raised with, cultural background, the languages you speak, even the tiny bits and pieces of who you are. The way you like to cook your food with a specific combination of spices. Your book, music, or podcast collection. Your singing voice. Your sketchbook. The way you think about your future. Pick something that you find beautiful in that mix, and nurture it every day.

#4. DREAM. This is a super important one. Yes, dream — and not just at night. Dream while you’re awake. Dream about the what if’s. Dream in small pieces. Dream in minutes or even seconds. Give yourself the time to do it. Put down that phone, step away from the laptop. Create some space for dreaming instead of just running from one task to the next. Don’t listen to people who tell you that you need to give up your dreams and grow up. Those people? They’re clueless.

#5. Don’t talk NON-STOP. Want to avoid being average? Don’t make constant chatter and gossip a top priority. What can help you change the behavior? To start, don’t assume people are there to just listen to you. It’s not all about you. Wisdom comes through listening and observing. Next, listen to what people are talking about. Try to understand what they’re telling you. Focus on their words and the ideas they share. Observe their behavior. Learn about the world in this way.

#6. RESPECT yourself. Because respect is where everything that’s truly important to your self-development begins. Value who you are, what you are doing, who you are becoming. Value your time and your efforts. Value your skills and what you’re good at. Be aware of your entire journey and how difficult it is to achieve the things you’ve already done. Don’t take everything you’ve accomplished for granted. If you take it all for granted, so will everyone else. Respect starts with you. Others will follow.

#7. Focus on MASTERY. If you really want to get better at something, you need to keep working on it. This applies to improving your personal relationships, picking up a skill you need for school or work, building positive habits, showing compassion towards others, and whatever else you believe is important to you in life. Don’t just talk about wanting to do things or try a thousand different things and then abandon them. Make something stick. Become a master at them step by step, in small increments, every single day.

#8. READ. Not only stuff on the Internet, or what you have to read for school or work. Read books. Big books. Novels. Books written by Nobel prize winners. Books that are considered the classics. Important books by Toni Morrison, Dostoyevsky, Tagore, Shakespeare, Hemingway, Kundera, Camus, Orwell, and others. Explore other centuries, different points of view, characters who were challenged by circumstances similar to yours or perhaps not at all. Read to feed your brain. Read to expand your mind about what is possible.

#9. Don’t spend so much time on SOCIAL MEDIA. Your phone is your device for staying in touch and sharing information. But should you immediately start scrolling through Instagram or Facebook as soon as you wake up? And checking for notifications, text messages from friends, and news alerts throughout the day? Just be aware of how much time you dedicate to these activities. Change things. Look up. Really see the world. Experience it in real time.

#10. Become a person that others LOOK UP TO. Use your intelligence. Make smart choices — whether big or small, be sure that the choices you make can help you get on the path to becoming a better version of yourself. Make it a goal to be someone people seek to gain knowledge in a particular field of expertise, or be a person friends come to when they need guidance or just a warm embrace. Or, strive to be someone’s hero, as the Greeks called ἥρως (hērōs) — a warrior, a defender, a protector. This will help you live not just a life, but an extraordinary life.

What is the most life-changing phrase from a book that you carry with you every day?

“Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”

― Carol S. Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success