Looking to start 2024 on a positive note — with a new journal!

I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe we’re just a few days away from 2024. 😱

What to do with the remaining time?

One thing that’s natural to do is to take stock of the year and think about how we fared:

Did the year go as planned, or were there unforeseen events?

How did we deal with the changes?

What went well versus not that well?

Which goal was reached? And which one fell through the cracks?

What are we most proud of?

Where is there more room for improvement?

What do we want to do next? Why is this important to us?

I try to give myself a bit of time in the last few days of December to go over these and similar questions. The answers I come up with don’t have to be detailed; sometimes it’s just a few words in a short sentence. But this is a necessary step before moving on to any big plans for the new year.

If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I’m a huge fan of the daily practice of self-discipline. It has become a lifestyle for me and I like to approach each goal from this perspective. To make goal-setting as well as everyday work more approachable, I keep a journal so everything is in one place.

I just created another journal for 2024, which is essentially an e-book I print out and use every day. The journal includes:

Entries for one full week (Monday-Sunday)
Each daily entry consists of five sections:
- a SITREP (situation report)
- The Discomfort Zone section (ways to build my “discomfort muscle”)
- The Work (this is my daily schedule)
- Push it Further section (a prompt on how I can increase my efforts by 5–10%)
- a Performance Review section (where I give myself a performance score)
Templates to take advantage of each day
- A morning journal template to take advantage of peak performance hours
- Pomodoro session templates to complete short sprints of work based on the Pomodoro method

Using this format in the past year has made quite a difference. It’s straightforward, easy to follow, and frankly, it’s fun! Now all I do is print out the entire journal and use it daily to keep me on track, without having to come up with new prompts, questions, and answers each day. So it actually saves me some time too which is pure BLISS.

If you’d like to try on your own, you can download the journal here.

Wishing you all the best as we close the year and welcome in the new one! 🎉🎉

Is it possible to be disciplined without being perfect?

Not just possible — it should be a goal!

Striving for perfection (and trust me, I know what I am talking about) is not what you think.

On the outside, we may want to come across as the kind of person who knows what to do, who has everything figured out, who is exceptional at their job. But that’s optics. It’s a story we tell the world around us.

Because on the inside, we may be scared and even terrified to make mistakes, we may be full of self-doubt about what can happen if we make the wrong choice and proceed in a direction where we’re bound to slip up and fail.

So what should one do with this perfection thing?

Let. It. Go.

If you don’t, you’ll remain in the same mode of trying to catch up to some impossible image of what things should be. Or could be. Or must be — just because others have done it (or claimed so).

Instead, use your time to practice self-discipline as a tool to improve in something important to you.

You can do this in three ways:

Turn every obstacle into a playground.

It’s highly likely you will encounter obstacles in every area of your life, from professional to personal and social interactions. Instead of blaming an obstacle for not letting you reach a short or long-term goal, make it work for you. Treat it like a playground where you get to practice. Give yourself space in this playground to look at the obstacle from all different angles. Ask yourself how can you turn it into something useful for you. Find out what specifically you can learn from the obstacle that you didn’t think of before. Keep an open mind.

Avoid the blame game.

The blame game is a game you play in your mind where you start focusing on someone or something else (in other words, an external force) that controlled the situation and didn’t allow you to succeed. As soon as you start blaming, you start allowing emotions to take over — you may feel angry, hurt, resentful, sad, despondent, or even hopeless. It’s absolutely OK to acknowledge all those feelings, but instead of taking action based on the feelings, try to look at the situation from a logical point of view. Be honest. What happened that may have contributed to your failure? Write down all possible reasons in a list, whether they’re very small or super big. Then, ask yourself how you can avoid making mistakes next time. By doing this exercise, you’re exploring ways to improve as opposed to wallowing in blame and negativity.

Understand that new things don’t have to be scary. If your professor or boss recommends that you use a new resource to track your work, don’t immediately label the new thing as unnecessary, bad, or a time-waster. Obviously, it will take a bit of time to figure out how this new thing works. But the feeling of discomfort at not knowing what to do will not last long. Ask yourself, how can this resource (textbook, database, app, tool) make my job easier? What are the advantages? Where can I go to find out more about how out works? When I get better at using it, how can this expertise help me reach a bigger goal?

Why is it important to change yourself?

Because, no matter what decade or time of life you find yourself in today, your goal should always be to grow.

Growing is scary. It’s about stepping into unknown territory. You haven’t tried something before, and there’s no cheat sheet to give you instructions on what to do.

Growing is uncomfortable. You realize there are things you do not know, and you’ll have to learn them. Sometimes, what you already know is too little. You need to take a deep breath, roll up your sleeves, and get to work.

Growing is humbling. As you practice new skills, you’ll fall flat on your face and often. You will make mistakes, some small and others quite big. You’ll understand that this process isn’t for the impatient or bored. You won’t feel important or wise — and that’s OK.

Growing is beautiful. It’s about being curious about the world, how things work, how people connect to one another, what makes us feel alive, what gives us energy to go do the next thing. It’s about being in a constant state of experimentation: learn, practice, make mistakes, learn from them, practice again, discover something new in the process.

Growing is being human. It’s about turning every day into an opportunity to find out something new about ourselves. How little we know and how much we can learn. How vulnerable we are when we go through a life-changing event. How brave we are when we’re faced with difficulty and manage to pull through. How excited we are at the opportunity to explore what our new and improved self can do, when we give ourselves permission to live.

The way I feel about things changes easily and often. How can I change?

Maybe you haven’t spent any amount of time on those feelings. After all, there’s a saying that feelings are fickle – they change constantly anyway, so why should you care about them?

There’s one good reason: It’s important to take a longer look at what you’re experiencing.

For example, take the time to answer these questions:

When an emotion shows up, acknowledge it. Is there a word for it: happy, sad, anxious, excited?

What happened right before you felt it, was there a specific event or a series of thoughts you had before the emotion popped up?

Can you notice a pattern in your emotions, in other words do you react to your surroundings in similar ways over time?

Do you get easily distracted by what’s happening around you?

Is there something that bothers you right now in your life that you would like to change; if so, what is it?

If there’s something that’s worth changing, it’s not you — rather, it’s worth it to understand yourself better. All the feelings and thoughts you are having need some attention and time. Start a journal and write a bit each day about what you are experiencing. Chances are you’ll be surprised at what comes out when you give it some space. It is well worth it.

What is the key to changing how you view, think, do everything for the better?

The key?

You accept that the person who will help you change how you view, think, do everything — is YOU.

You understand that this will take work. A lot of work in which you will be learning something new every day. The new things may be uncomfortable at first and they’ll challenge you. You may fail — in fact, it’s guaranteed that you will fail at least a few times. The work will also require your physical and mental energy, your complete focus, a lot of time. And that’s ok. You know that these things cannot be rushed.

You are dedicated to making the change. Why? Because you know that the way you currently think, view life, and do things is not serving you anymore. Maybe it did in the past, but not today. Today that mindset may make you feel frustrated, upset, angry, sad, even despondent. Which is why today you will make a promise to yourself that you’ll work on creating a better foundation for your future.

You know what needs changing. Sounds logical, right? But it’s hard to move forward if you don’t know exactly where the problem lies. Are you stuck in your comfort zone and can’t leave? Are you allowing yourself to be distracted so much that you cannot finish your work or studies? Are your goals too vague, too small or too big, or non-existent? Is your mindset too rigid and you don’t see how you can grow in a certain area of your life, whether it’s professional or personal?

You become self-disciplined and persistent in practicing the change. It’s not the easiest thing to wake up early in the morning and go for a run or do a workout, but if you want to see results, you do it. Or, you haven’t dedicated sufficient time to preparing for an upcoming exam so you accept that you wasted precious time, but today you create a strategy and plan of attack to make the best of the time you have left, starting right now.

You listen, stay focused, and develop a better understanding of yourself. Over the years, as we go through life, we absorb so much new input and listen to many other people that we often forget to look inward and check in with ourselves. How am I doing? Is this something that I know is good for me? Am I following the advice of other people or trying to impress someone? What do I want? Where do I want to go? What do I need to do to get there? In order to understand yourself better, spend time thinking, asking questions, learning, and adjusting your mindset to be more open to new things. Ask yourself, What else is possible? What else can I do?

5 life skills worth having (and how to practice them)

Critical-thinking skills.

I like to call this independent thinking or not depending on other people’s words, opinions, conclusions, or attitudes in general. It’s easier to mimic others than come up with an original idea. Conversely, it’s not easy and takes time to learn more about something — a concept, a lesson, a language, a skill. How do you practice this? Gather data, do the research, read literature that argues for and against one topic, and always ask open-ended questions like why and how. Learn to rely on your brain – it won’t disappoint you!

Flexibility.

Being flexible means you can adapt to change. Although it may seem easy to stay in the comfort zone (daily habits, knowledge you already possess), it’s better to keep going with the flow. Why is this important? The Greek philosopher Heraclitus famously said the words Panta rei (Πάντα ῥεῖ) which means “everything flows.” The world is changing and you have a choice: adapt to it or be left behind. How do you practice this? Don’t immediately resist something new just because it’s unfamiliar to you. Make small changes, adapt in small ways, try a new habit for 15 minutes a day.

Growth mindset.

You may think that your mindset is something you were born with, but it’s the opposite. Your mindset can change and adapt depending on how much you’re willing to learn and keep an open mind. Do you think you’re either talented or clueless at math or sports? Or do you believe you can make improvements consistently over time with increased effort? When you allow yourself the time to learn new things and practice getting better at something, you’re growing your mindset. How do you practice this? Try, try, and try again. Be OK with failure. Consider it your biggest ally, not an enemy.

Quantitative skills.

Get to know numbers in any shape or form. It can be as simple as practicing basic accounting skills (your daily budget, for example), or more involved like personal finance (how to invest and grow your portfolio, or how to invest for retirement) or data analytics (observing market trends, gathering statistical data which can tell a bigger story). Many people are afraid of math so they run away from it. If this is something you’re good at, keep at it. If you’re not, keep practicing. Why? It’s a highly marketable skill that can afford you better jobs in your career.

Writing.

You may think it’s easy to write; after all, we all use language and so we should know this skill, right? But you’d be surprised how few people really know how to construct a concise, clear, and interesting sentence. Grammar isn’t easy to master, either. Neither is diversifying your vocabulary. On top of that, you need to know your audience — their age group, cultural background, what they’re interested in, what they want to learn. How do you practice writing? Read books, not just online articles or Instagram posts, to understand what good writing looks like. Practice writing every day, even if it’s for 15–30 minutes. Get a thesaurus. Ask for feedback. Then practice some more.

If you’re a student with exams coming up, check out my new e-book kit Study Different in 2023!

We’re getting closer to December.

It’s that time of year when college students are doing their best to make the most of the time left in their semester before the holidays. There are a few more weeks of classes, followed by exam preparation, and finally, a chance to make good marks and pass each course.

Every year around this time, I receive dozens of questions on how to study smarter.

Do you think 10 hours a day of study time is enough?

What’s a good way to take notes so I’m ready for exam week?

Can I pull a few all-nighters and make up for time lost because I procrastinated?

Because I feel so strongly about this topic, I want to address each question individually, and sometimes I do (here on my blog, other times on Quora). But there are so many of them!

I decided to put together an e-book kit which I called Study Different in 2023. If you’re a student who’s struggling with managing time effectively and are worried about your performance during exams, you may find it useful.

The kit consists of two e-books to make over your study habits:

Study Different in 2023
This e-book is designed to help you find out how your brain works, give you tools so you don’t overwhelm yourself, and show you how to optimize each study session so you can work less while covering more material. It includes the following sections:

7 strategies for studying more effectively in less time
A morning journal template to maximize your peak performance time
A Pomodoro sessions template for each part of the day: morning, afternoon, and evening
A sample of effective note-taking to help you prepare for exams

My 2023 Focused Study Journal
This e-book is a sample of one journal entry spread across four pages. It includes the following sections:

SITREP (situation report)
The Discomfort Zone (how to build your discomfort muscle)
The Work (daily study schedule)
Push it Further (prompts for increasing your studying efforts incrementally)
Performance Review (reviewing your work and giving yourself a performance score)

You can find the kit here. It’s available in 2 different formats: Pages and PDF.

🙏 As always, thank you for your support and for following my blog. And keep those questions coming — I look forward to each one!

2023 is around the corner— how do you max out the time left?

Hello friends!

It’s already November and we’re all busy with school, work, and the usual rush of getting things done on time before the holidays. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things you need to do — getting ready for university exams, reaching a project milestone at work, honing a skill that will be useful to you in the future — you’re not alone.

We’re all feeling the grind.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know that my approach to getting things done is to rely not on motivation (because it’s fleeting and unreliable) but on self-discipline: the habit of being consistent, day after day, in doing the work.

It takes the guesswork and any dilemma out of the equation.

No more, Should I leave this for tomorrow?

No more, I don’t feel like it right now.

No more, If only I had more time to devote to this.

Instead:

Go to bed a bit earlier so you can get up earlier.

Plan your day.

Know your priorities.

Ignore (even better – eliminate) distractions.

Hold yourself accountable, instead of blaming circumstances or other people.

If you’re on board with this approach but would benefit from getting that extra push in the right direction, I created a free self-discipline journal template to keep you focused. It’s a small way to say thank you for following my blog ❤️.

I recommend writing in the journal early in the day. It won’t take more than a few minutes but I promise — it will make a world of difference in the way you approach every waking hour.

The journal includes 5 short sections:

1. Create a SITREP

Short for “situation report,” this is a summary of what’s happening in your world and what you want to focus on.

2. Get into the discomfort zone

You’ll identify one thing you don’t want to do but that is necessary to complete a goal.

3. Do the work

This is the main part of your journal entry, where you’ll add activities you’ll be doing in the morning, afternoon, and evening.

4. Push it further

Ask yourself, what is the ideal scenario, or what does success look like to you? Find quick ways to increase your effort to outperform.

5. Give yourself a performance review

At the end of the day, summarize what went well, what didn’t, and how you can remove any obstacles that are standing in your way.

And that’s it!

Get your free sample of the self-discipline journal here. And drop a comment to let me know how it works out for you!

Adults keep journals, too. ❤️

Here are a few ideas on why you might want to pick up this valuable habit.

Don’t believe people who say that keeping a journal is something only kids and teenagers do.

My experience has been the complete opposite.

There are many people, both at work and in my social circle, who keep the habit of writing in their journals. Of course, there are many who don’t do it but they keep track of their lives in different ways. They have sketchbooks in which they draw every day. They record music they play so they can learn and improve the skill of playing an instrument. They take pictures of the food they make and have thousands of photos on their iPhone showcasing their creations — and sometimes post them on Instagram for the world to see.

I’ve been the more traditional, journal-writing type of person over the years. And I do mean years. It’s a habit I first started when I was 7, as soon as I could form sentences and scrawl the words in my first journal. I still remember what the notebook looked like. It had pink and purple flowers on the cover, and the lines were wide spaced, just perfect for a 7-year-old to write in.

The topics have shifted over the years, as you would expect. That first notebook had a sentence that read, “Today I painted the toenails on my feet. AND ON MY FEET.” Apparently this was a big deal to me at the time. Then the notebooks started piling up. By the time I had reached my teens, there were all kinds of entries about friends and school and what I was thinking about the whole arduous process of growing up. In college, I started adding book lists to the mix because I was reading more and more. I also copied entire quotes and sections of the books that made a big impression on me. One of the books I was reading at the time was Lawrence Durrell’s Alexandria Quartet and there were so many good sections I had to write stuff down so I could go back to it later (which I often did).

The notebooks I’ve picked over time, I noticed, are all of different sizes. There are huge notebooks, there are tiny ones you can fit in your back pocket, then sketchbooks where I would write and doodle and draw stories in. Some beautiful, leather-bound notebooks by a printer who specialized in binding books in the style of the renaissance period. A few simple, no-fuss paperbacks with a black and white pattern. A hand-sewn notebook with a slim rope that ties the booklet together like a tiny parcel, a gift.

Which brings me to the biggest value of keeping a journal-writing habit — in my opinion, of course.

I see it as a series of small gifts I have created over the years. They served as a gift to the me-at-the-time, the gift of having space for self-reflection, curiosity about the world, a place where all of my questions could call home. And I had so many questions — and still do. Also, they have been a series of gifts I was making in advance for the future me. A blueprint for growing up, a living document of everything under the sun that still moves and changes shape and color. It’s a dialogue I have with myself. Look, this is who we were. Remember? This is how we tackled the world. This is how we fell in love, wildly and recklessly. This is how we grieved. This is how we enjoyed one blissful summer, riding bikes by the water and sitting on blankets eating sandwiches in the shadow of a tree. This is what moving from city to city, from one continent to the other, feels like. The friends we keep, the long letters we write each other in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep but we’re still awake and dreaming.

This is how we created the version of me that’s writing these words now, in my home in California. The version of me that’s not that different from the previous, younger versions. Come to think of it, we are quite similar to each other. We all like to make sandwiches for lunch. Coffee rituals in the morning. Asking a lot of questions. Reading novels. Dancing by ourselves with the headphones on. Scribbling in notebooks every single day.

That’s probably why we’re all still friends. ❤️

Don’t miss my new 6-part series on Medium called “Declutter Your Mind”

Photo by Darwin Vegher on Unsplash

Did you know that the average person typically has around 6,200 thoughts a day?

That’s a large number but yes, it’s backed by research — according to a 2020 study by psychologists at Queen’s University in Canada. In the study, Canada’s Research Chair in Cognitive Neuroscience Dr. Jordan Poppenk refers to thoughts as “thought worms” — consecutive moments when a person is focused on one idea. When a person transitions or thinks of a new thought, another “thought worm” is created, and so on. This means that we have thousands of thoughts each day that may or may not be linked to one another.

How can we manage these thoughts so they don’t create mental chaos?

I believe there is one method you can practice on your own that can bring you the results you want, and that is writing.

And no, I don’t mean writing a work of fiction such as a short story or novel, or even poetry. By writing, I mean writing down everything that is going through your mind. Literally.

What are the steps?

I just launched a 6-part series on Medium called “Declutter Your Mind.” It’s a deep dive into the process of making sense of the random thoughts that overwhelm us every day. In each part, I’ll share one step to help you understand your thoughts better, organize them so they work for you, and ultimately deal with them more effectively.

You can find part 1 of the series here.

I hope you enjoy it. And as always, I appreciate your support and comments!

Nela

Nela's Blog

Build a disciplined lifestyle, one small habit at a time.

Tag: self-improvement