It’s the third week of January and the year is already in full swing. How are you doing?
A few things on my mind these past few weeks are:
January blahs (or blues?)
I’m noticing fewer and fewer holiday decorations that made homes look more magical in November and December. Shouldn’t the beginning of the year be celebrated, too? Since the days are still short and nighttime feels longer, it helps to make things look cozy indoors. I am a big fan of lighting candles, having some small lamps brighten up dark corners, and adding a colorful blanket to the couch.
New Year’s resolutions
How are they working out so far for you? For many years, I would have a ritual at the end of December of writing a list of New Year’s resolutions in my journal. On the upside, I find it interesting to re-read these lists and notice how the same items pop up year after year. On the other hand, I’ve probably written list after list of goals and resolutions that were too much, too soon. This year, I’m ditching this habit and replacing it with NO LISTS. Instead, I’m using the time to think of 1-2 goals that are important to me, and coming up with some ways to break them down into small steps. And speaking of steps…
Do you feel overwhelmed with the amount of things you have to do?
It’s normal to keep track of tasks, schedules, bullet journal entries. But watch out for writing down too many things you need to do every single day. Real life goes something like this: For each day, we write a list of “to-do’s” and often we manage to do some of them. But life gets busy and we don’t always finish everything on a given day, so on the next day we have whatever we initially planned PLUS the leftover tasks. Next thing you know, it’s the snowball effect: tasks get carried over, they don’t get all done, and by the end of the week we feel overwhelmed with what’s left. I’m trying to minimize my lists this year by writing down only the top-priority items for each day, and I treat the rest as “nice to finish” but not as “must finish” tasks. The effect? It feels like a relief to see a shorter list in my notebook. When evening comes, I can go out for a walk and find a little pocket of time to think. Or relax. Or just enjoy the fresh air. It’s a much calmer way to end the day.
What has your January experience been like? Share in the comments when you find a minute.
I think the answer is a combination of several things: understanding yourself and what you truly want, focusing less on what other people want, being realistic, holding yourself accountable, and starting with a simple question that will encourage you to take action.
This is an exercise in introspection. Allow yourself some time to focus on each element, ask yourself questions that will get your mindset on board about goal-setting, and if you’d like use this opportunity to write down your answers. This will be your blueprint for moving forward.
Ready?
Here are the 5 steps.
STEP 1. Think about which goals are the right fit for you.
You may initially think that every goal you currently have set for yourself is a right fit. But what if that’s not the case? It often happens that while we’re thinking about goals, we get distracted by what we hear. It’s inevitable — sooner or later you will hear other people give you advice and share their ideas of what they want you to do, what they discourage you from doing, and who they want you to become (this goes for professional and personal life, and even your role in the community you live in). This is exactly why it’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself, from a goal that was suggested by or imposed by someone else — a family member, best friend, partner, or even someone you don’t know personally but admire and follow on social media.
Ask yourself:
Is this someone else’s goal? If it is, it won’t be realistic for you and your specific personal or professional aspirations. And if it’s not realistic for you, then you will have a difficult time being motivated to work on it.
If it’s my goal, how much do I care about reaching it? Is it something I’ve always wanted for myself, but was afraid to admit it? Is it a goal that, once I reach it, will give me more confidence and boost my life experience?
STEP 2. Think big and think forward.
Thinking big means exactly that — consider everything you would ideally want for yourself in life. You can call it creating the “big picture” of your life. Of course, this is the best case scenario, the ideal version, something you may have dreamt about since you were younger. Thinking forward is the second part — it’s not necessarily what you hope to achieve in six months or a year from now, but what you would like your life to be in a decade or two.
Ask yourself:
WHERE do I see myself in the future five or ten years from today? It doesn’t have to mean a specific geographical region, city, or country; it’s more about where you see yourself in terms of personal development and types of skills you want to have.
WHO do I want to become? Yes, it can be who you want to become professionally (CFO of a Fortune 100 company, college professor, professional athlete, business owner, chef); also, it can be the type of role you want to have in your community (organizer, leader, event planner, problem-solver, mentor).
WHAT is my ideal life scenario? Do I dream of living in a specific city or country, would I like to live with a partner and have a family, do I see myself as an expert in a particular field of expertise, what kind of social circle do I want to belong to, what does my version of work-life balance look like?
STEP 3. Put it in writing.
Now that you’ve given this topic some thought, it’s time to start writing things down. Here’s where you’ll turn your ideas about goals into specific steps you’ll take to make them feel more tangible and real. For this section of the exercise, you will need more time. I suggest you take a couple of hours one evening or weekend when you can write without distractions. Keeping your mind on what’s important will be critical to making progress.
Write down the following:
Your top 3 goals. They can be long-term goals you have been considering for years (but haven’t yet done anything about), a few professional goals you identified in the past year or two and maybe started working on for a while, or several goals you came up with as you’ve started this exercise.
Under each goal, write 3 things you need to do consistently to achieve it. This can mean practicing a skill three times a week, setting aside an hour a day for research, or taking an online class to earn a certificate or diploma you can add to your resume.
Make a schedule for the week. It doesn’t help to keep thinking about what needs to be done; it’s best to write the schedule and block off time to make progress in the areas you’ve identified. Keep it realistic. If this week you don’t have a lot of free time, schedule 30 minutes for an activity. It may not sound like a significant amount, but you’ll be surprised how much that time adds up without having to give up other activities you already know you’ll have to do.
STEP 4. Think about accountability.
If you’re working on something, it should all add up — in other words, it will help if you measure your success. If you don’t evaluate your efforts, how will you know if you’re on the right track? After following your new schedule for one week, assess how much progress you made.
Ask yourself:
Which activities were easy? What contributed to making them easy?
Which activities took more time than Ianticipated? Why did they take as long?
What areas can I improve on? For example, if I run out of time, which shortcuts can I try?
How much extra time can I dedicate to this? For example, can I add 30 more minutes to my schedule so I don’t feel rushed?
How will I measure my success? Can I set milestones for each week, create deadlines for myself, have a monthly recap of what went well and how much closer I am to my goals?
STEP 5. Encourage yourself to take action with one simple question.
This is a mini habit you can practice first thing in the morning. It shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes. Start the day by asking yourself, “What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today?” It’s a question I’ve been asking for many years and it has helped me to stay focused and prioritize only what’s the most important, without wasting time on evaluating many options and distracting myself with them.
Practice this habit by doing the following:
Write the question in large letterson a sheet of paper. Hang the paper on your bedroom or bathroom wall. The important part is that you can easily see it as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready.
Read it out loudin the morning. Come up with an answer on the spot. The trick is to get your eyes on it so that it becomes second nature and you don’t even think about having to glance over to it any more.
Think about your answer throughout the day. When you keep it top of mind, you won’t get easily distracted.
📘Goal-setting is one of the most popular topics on Quora, and I’ve written extensively about them for the past seven years. That’s why I created a workbook outlining these tips called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. Learn more about it on this page of my blog.
The first thing I would suggest is — don’t panic. It’s likely there are many other people in the 20s (and 30s) who don’t really think about life goals. There are so many things happening in our 20s. There’s the transition of leaving high school and going into university, and it’s like entering a whole new universe. In many ways, you start from the beginning: new school, new courses, new circle of friends, new social rules. Often this means leaving the family home, so you have to start learning new skills like how to take care of yourself, prepare meals, keep your apartment (or dorm room) clean, and manage your time to stay on top of studying.
It doesn’t leave a lot of room for goal-searching.
Still, at some point you will look towards the future and ask yourself what it is you should do next year, five or ten years from now. Here’s when you can start contemplating having not one, but several solid goals. It will require you to spend some time by yourself, with a notebook and a pen, because you will want to write things down.
Think of it as an exercise in getting to know yourself better.
What can be helpful?
#1. Instead of just this year, think about what you want to do long term.
Ask yourself the following questions to define your goals properly:
Where do you want to be 10 years from now? It doesn’t have to mean a specific location, but rather how you see yourself in terms of types of skills you want to have or skill level you want to reach.
Who do you want to become professionally? As an adult, you’ll learn to be financially independent and self-sufficient. What do you want in terms of a career and in which field (medical, engineering, retail, education, service industry, etc.)?
What would be an ideal lifestyle? Do you prefer living in a big city or in the countryside, do you want to be an entrepreneur or work for a big company, would you prefer to live alone or with others, what would you be doing in your spare time?
#2. Start making a list of goals that are specific, not abstract.
Don’t think about your goals as ideas that are vague. If you do, your brain won’t know what to focus on. Here are several examples.
Non-specific goals can be anything of the following. I want to get a job in the future, or move out of my parents’ house as soon as possible, or get super fit, or earn millions.
Specific goals are spelled out. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [insert job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert current skills and new skills you’re working on].
#3. Have a clear understanding of why you’re selecting a specific goal.
Instead of making this goal-setting exercise an obligation, turn it into a choice. Tell yourself, “I really want to see myself succeed in this area!” The benefit? It gives you a greater sense of control about what you’re doing. That’s much better than feeling like you have an obligation to work towards someone else’s goal (for example, a goal set by parents).
Remind yourself why you are choosing a specific goal. Make the connection with the initial reasons for working on something to begin with. It can be to learn a new skill, solve a problem that you’ve had for years, pass an exam to graduate from college, start your own business, etc.
#4. Don’t leave it all on paper — plan to take action.
So let’s say you’ve been brainstorming possible goals you’d like to have. Where do you go from here?
Select 2-3 goals that you think are the most important for you. They can be career-focused, skill-focused, or something more personal like getting fit.
Under each goal, write down 3 things you need to do on a consistent basis.This could be to practice a skill three times a week, do research on companies where you’d like to work, or schedule a 30-minute workout every Monday and Thursday.
Create a schedule for the week ahead. Set aside small blocks of time to work on the areas you’ve identified. In the first week, you may only have 15 minutes. That’s OK. You can gradually build up to 30 minutes a day, or one hour. The idea is to make the transition easy and not overwhelm yourself with the amount of tasks you need to do.
#5. Measure your progress.
After one week of implementing new activities that are going to help you reach your goals, make an assessment of your progress. Be honest in answering questions such as:
Which activities took longer than I anticipated? Why did that happen?
What was easy to do? Give yourself some time to identify activities that weren’t as difficult or intimidating as you previously thought.
What could you have done better? For example, which shortcuts could you have used?
How can you improve? Does one activity need a bit more time or more preparation?
How will you measure your success? Will you set milestones to reach at the end of each week? How can you track your progress — in a journal, spreadsheet, or calendar?
🎯 I created an e-book on this topic called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable workbook with step-by-step instructions, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. You can learn more about it here.
Force yourself to do something? Of course not — it won’t work and you’ll want to give up eventually.
Try something new? That might be an option for you — especially if other methods didn’t work.
That is what I would recommend. Try a different approach: simplify your journey.
If you want to be motivated to do anything, you should have an unobstructed view of the life you want. Think of it as a picture. The picture of your dream life needs to be clear. You need to see it in every detail, absorb all the colors, the landscape, the movement, even the mood that is captured in it. And you need to see yourself there, not just standing or sitting or lying down — you need to see yourself doing something that excites you, makes you happy, makes you feel alive.
How do you create that picture of the life you want?
You can do it in 3 steps.
✅ Step #1. Create purpose in your life by setting important goals.
Having a specific and important goal is one of the most critical factors that can help you build a more meaningful picture of your future life. When you have a goal you’re working towards, everything you do in your day to day life will start feeling like it has a greater sense of purpose. And that is for one simple reason: you won’t see your actions as isolated ones — everything you do will start to add up to something much bigger.
How can you do this?
Identify specific goals. Don’t make your goals vague or abstract. Non-specific goals can be: I want to get a job, or move to another city, or get fit, or lose weight, or have a large salary. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [insert the job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [insert amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so that you can develop [insert your current skills and new skills you’re working on].
Make every day count. Who can be motivated to do anything if they don’t believe it matters in the grand scheme of things? To make a connection between what you are doing each day with your future self, try this simple mind hack. Start each day with this question: What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed and can focus better on what’s most important to you.
Hold yourself accountable. This means being responsible for your actions. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. Commitments aren’t just promises you make to other people — you can make them to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame. For example, I am committed to focusing on my studies in the next 30 days so I can pass all three of my exams with top marks. Or, I am committed to building my physical endurance by running 4 times a week for 6 months so that I can run a marathon.
✅ Step #2. Develop skills that you need to succeed.
Most likely, there are certain skills or talents you believe you’ve had since childhood, and those are the ones you feel the most comfortable with. But there are additional skills you’ve identified as important while growing up, and maybe you already started working on them or would like to get better at them in the future. Either way, you probably already realized that in order to achieve an important goal, you should be knowledgeable in a certain field of expertise, with the ideal or ultimate goal of perhaps becoming a master in that field. That is why it’s critical to identify and develop the core skill set that will help you get there.
How can you do this?
Identify the skills necessary for your dream career. It may very well end up being a list of 10, 20 or more skills. But don’t rush through this part of the exercise. First brainstorm and then write down a list of all the skills you think you will need. They can be directly related to the profession you are seeking (such as statistical data analysis or knowledge of a foreign language), or they can be skills that are applicable to all areas of your life (such as building up endurance or critical thinking ability). And don’t only think about building hard skills — make sure you cover soft skills too.
Create a plan. You don’t need me to tell you that building new skills will take time. And that’s okay. The biggest masters in their respective fields, from Einstein to Picasso to Hemingway, worked on their skills every single day of their lives. Where can you begin? Start with 2–3 skills you think will be most valuable to you, then create a plan to devote a certain amount of time each day to them. Again, don’t make grandiose plans by saying you’ll spend hours doing something. Keep things simple, even if that means practicing something for only 15 minutes in the beginning.
Practice each skill consistently. It’s one thing to create a plan, and another to put that plan into action. Here’s where the action part comes in. Don’t just be focused on the number of hours you’re devoting to your practice, but also whatyou do during that time. Are you doing deep work — focusing without interruptions? Are you writing things down so you can improve your memory and recalling abilities? Are you concentrating on repetition and improving? What are you learning from your mistakes? Keep those questions top of mind as you are practicing your skills.
✅ Step #3. Keep things as simple as possible.
Every new skill we’d like to acquire needs self-discipline, time, and repetition. Having self-discipline sounds like something harsh and uncomfortable, but you can change your attitude towards it by asking yourself what it can afford you. If you’re honest with yourself, you’re probably reading this because you feel it’s time to make a change of some kind. You want to turn over a new leaf in the new year by making specific steps that will get you closer to the goals you’ve identified as important to you. You want to start feeling good about the progress you’re making. And you want to feel more optimistic about your life and where it’s headed. That’s what self-discipline will afford you: the time and space to go and actually do all of these things.
How can you do this?
Start with tiny steps. Tiny means miniature steps. Focus on starting with super small activities that are doable and accessible to everyone. For example, if one of the goals you’ve identified is to become a better writer of short stories or newspaper articles, you can build your writing skills by writing a paragraph or two each day. Not every other day — EVERY day. Or, if your goal is to learn a new language, you can start by learning how to introduce yourself in a sentence or two, before moving on to more detailed things such as asking for directions.
Make it next to impossible to give up. Here’s why so many people give up on their New Year’s resolutions before the end of January. They set goals that are too big, and they make the path to their goals complicated and hard to keep. If it takes you a long time to start doing something for the first time, chances are you’ll give up quickly. That’s why it’s important to keep your path as simple as possible. For example, do a daily 10-minute workout at home this month, instead of giving up on working out just because your gym is a 30-minute bus ride away and you’re too tired to go there after work or school.
Always prepare everything ahead of time. You’ll have a much better chance at completing your work if you prep what you need ahead of time. Do you feel overwhelmed and exhausted from studying by the end of the day? Start going to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book or soothing music. Do you find yourself often making unhealthy choices for lunch every day? Prep and pack your meal the night before so you don’t have to eat fast food when you’re running out of energy. Regardless of the goal you are focusing on, make it easy on yourself by clearing the path so you can reach it sooner.
I suggest that you expand this question a bit more to say:
How can we figure out what we want to be in the future, and are we prepared to do what it takes to become that?
Because if you only answer the first part of the question (how can we figure it out), it’s not enough. Maybe today you have an idea of what you want to be that’s different from what you wanted last year. Or maybe you want something your best friend wants because it sounds cool, but you don’t really spend any time thinking about whether it’s the right thing for you. Most important — saying what you want is only half the story. You have to create a plan and follow through so your story turns into something tangible and real.
Does that make sense?
If you rephrase the question, you give yourself the space to really get into it.
So how do you figure out what you want and whether you’re prepared to do whatever it takes?
Here are my 5 recommendations.
👉🏾 Get your goals in order.
Having a realistic, specific, and important goal is one of the most critical factors that can help you build a meaningful future. With goals, everything you do in your day to day life will start feeling like it has a greater sense of purpose. You won’t see your actions as inconsequential or isolated ones. Quite the opposite: everything you do will start to add up to something much bigger.
How do you do that?
Identify specific goals. If your goals sound abstract, you won’t have much to work with. Non-specific goals can be any of the following: I want to get a job, live alone, get fit, lose weight, or have a large salary. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re starting a job search, write down that you want to get a job offer for a specific role that pays an annual salary of [write an amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop skills [write the skills you currently have and the ones you will be working on].
Train your brain to focus on the immediate future. Who can be motivated to do anything if they don’t believe it can add up to something big and important? To make a connection between what you are doing each day with your future self, try this simple mind hack. Start each day with this question: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Hold yourself accountable. This means you start being responsible for your actions. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame. For example, I am committed to focusing on my studies in the next 30 days so I can pass all three of my exams with top marks. Or, I am committed to building my physical endurance by running 4 times a week for 3 months so that I can run a 5K race.
👉🏾 Work on your core skill set.
You probably have a good idea of skills you’ve already developed in the past 10 or 20 years. Still, there are other skills you’ve identified as important, or in your vision of the future, the better you is an expert or master in a specific field of expertise! This is why it’s important to identify and develop the core skill set that will help your better self.
How do you do that?
Identify skills you need to succeed in your dream career, current job, or athletic discipline. Take the time to come up with ideas and don’t rush through this step. You might want to go on a walk, hike, or bike ride and use one day this weekend to devote to this activity. The first step is to just brainstorm: think of all the possible skills you will need. Then, when you have a good list in your mind, sit in a quiet place with a pen and paper, and write down a list of all the skills, then select the top 3 that you want to focus on.
Create a skill-building plan. What’s the point of having ideas if there isn’t an action plan to make them come alive? Building new skills takes time. Tolstoy didn’t write Anna Karenina in a day. Nikola Tesla didn’t work on developing the modern alternating current (AC) electricity supply system or wireless communication in a single month. As for you, where can you begin? Take those top 3 skills you’ve selected, then create a plan to devote time each day to them, even if that means only 15 minutes in the beginning.
Practice each skill consistently. It’s one thing to create a plan, and another to put that plan into action. Put your planned time on your calendar and set reminders so you don’t forget what you set for yourself. When you’re working on a skill, make sure it’s deep work — focus on it without interruptions and do not multitask. Keep going even as you make mistakes; if you don’t make mistakes, you are not doing it right!
👉🏾 Develop good habits in small, simple steps.
Why? If you make your habits super complicated, you might only work on them for a week or two. Did you notice what happens in January each year when people come up with New Year resolutions, especially those related to fitness? There are many people running in the neighborhood and the gyms in the area are packed. But by the end of the month, most of them have already given up because their goals were too lofty and habits too complicated to keep up. You can approach this problem differently.
How do you do that?
Start with small steps. Practice super short activities that are not only doable but easy to fit into your day so you won’t be able to make excuses for avoiding them. For example, if you’re improving your writing skills, start by writing a paragraph or two each day. If you’re learning a new language, start by learning how to introduce yourself in a sentence or two. If you want to lose 10 pounds, start by going on a 30-minute walk after work to get you in the workout frame of mind.
Make it impossible to say no. If it takes a long time to start something new, chances are you’ll give up quickly, maybe even after a week of trying. That’s why it’s important to keep a new habit as simple as possible. For example, do a mini-workout at home for 10 minutes every day this month, instead of giving up on working out just because your gym is a 30-minute bus ride away.
Prepare what you need. You’ll have a much better chance at achieving success if you’re prepared for action. If you’re overwhelmed and exhausted from studying, go to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual to give yourself time to de-stress and relax with a good book or soothing music. If you want to stop making unhealthy choices for lunch, prepare and pack your meal the night before so you don’t have to grab a burger at a fast food place when you’re starving.
👉🏾 Say “thank you” for what you have in your life right now.
This one is VERY important. Why? Because practicing gratitude trains your brain to focus on positive things and makes you think of what you already have in your life, as opposed to what you do not. Being grateful will also keep you grounded in your personal life so you are less focused or even obsessed with what others (friends, classmates, people you follow on Instagram) are doing with theirs.
How do you do that?
Do it early in the day. It will only take a few minutes when you wake up and before you start getting ready for work or school. You may want to write your thoughts down in a journal, or think about them silently, or say your thoughts out loud. It’s up to you.
Start small. Focus on 3 things you are grateful for today. It can be having a warm bed to sleep in; a family member or friend who you trust and who encourages you to become the best version of yourself; food in your fridge; the opportunity to focus on your education so that you can take charge of your life and become independent.
Be as specific as possible. If it’s one person you’re grateful for having in your life, emphasize which qualities you are grateful for (they’re warm, intelligent, helpful in giving advice, or incredibly funny). If it’s having your own space, point out why this is important to you (you have your own room or apartment to relax at the end of the day, and devote yourself to activities important to your personal growth).
👉🏾 Practice developing the right mindset.
More often than not, over time we start talking to ourselves more and more in a critical way. We may not even be aware of it, but there’s a lot of negativity that we absorb from listening to other people and the way they talk. And let’s face it, most of the time people are negative in the way they view the world and especially themselves. As a result, whenever we engage in negative self-talk ourselves or give in to self-doubt, we become our biggest critic. That won’t help us achieve the future we want! So how can you move beyond that negative way of thinking? By changing your mindset, bit by bit, each day.
How do you do that?
Develop a growth mindset. In a nutshell, a growth mindset means you stretch yourself to learn something new every day, challenge yourself to solve tough problems, and work consistently until you improve. Instead of telling yourself what you can or cannot do, what you’re talented at, or how you feel stupid whenever you try doing it (all of which is a fixed mindset way of thinking), start expanding your horizons by saying, What if I tried getting better at this every day, in small steps?
Grow your critical thinking muscle. Yes, there’s a big difference between being self-critical and using your critical thinking skills. As you experience life and the world around you, it’s important not take everything you see and hear for granted, but rather learn how to think on your own. Start by asking open-ended questions that begin with why and how. Take from the information you receive what is important to you (based on your own personal goals, values, and priorities). When someone offers you advice ask yourself, does it align with my personal values? How would I benefit from following this advice, or is it not useful to me?
Turn obstacles into opportunities. When we encounter an obstacle, it’s a default reaction to feel frustrated, angry, sad, or helpless. As a result, we may quit and never find out what would’ve happened if we kept going. Instead of the emotional reaction, work through the challenge so you can get stronger mentally. Write down the problem and why it happened. Consider all possible solutions and their pros and cons. Make a decision based on the information you know, then act on it. Doing this will help you see yourself as stronger and more powerful version of yourself.
📖✏️ I created a workbook on this topic called Best Version of Myself — a printable, 30-page growth mindset workbook consisting of five chapters. Each chapter has a brief introduction, checklist of tips, in-depth explanation of each tip, question prompts, and a workbook section for writing down your answers. Learn more about it here.
Goals vs. greed — where should you focus your energy?
It’s important to differentiate between these two concepts.
Goals are an idea of the future, an objective that you hope to achieve, especially when much time and effort will be needed.
Greed is a selfish or excessive desire for more than what you need or deserve, especially in matters of money, wealth, food, or other possessions.
Do you see the difference?
More than having patience (which is also important), I think it’s critical for you to take a closer look at the goals you set for yourself. Specifically, you need to understand where they come from and why they’re important to you, rather than let greed drive your pursuit of those goals.
Here are a few things that can be helpful.
Choose specific and realistic goals. Don’t make your goals vague or abstract. Non-specific goals can be anything of the following: I want to get rich, I want to be a CEO of a company, I want to be much skinnier, I want to have money to travel the world. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re looking for your next job, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [ job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills and new skills you’re working on].
Find goals that are the right fit for you. Often when we are busy thinking about goals, we get distracted by things other people tell us or show us. Usually this comes in the shape of an Instagram post showing off a lavish lifestyle or well-intended advice from a parent telling you who they want you to become (a doctor, an engineer, the next in line to run the family business). It’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself from a goal that was set by someone else. Ask yourself, is this someone else’s goal? If it’s mine, how deeply do I care about reaching it and is this for all the right reasons?
Make sure the goals fit into the big picture of your life. I believe that the big picture of our life lurks somewhere in our thoughts, even if we don’t think about it or aren’t aware of it all the time. But it’s there. The big picture is the ideal version, the ultimate version, the scenario you dream about. To move it from a dream to a possible scenario, ask yourself what you want in your future: Where do I want to be 5, 10, even 20 years from now? Who do I want to become — an entrepreneur, scientist, innovator, chef, writer? Get as specific as possible about the kind of lifestyle and career you want.
Take one step every day in the right direction. It’s easy to set ourselves up for disappointment if we want one thing (I want to get rich quick), then let it go and do absolutely nothing to make it happen. See? Nothing is happening. There’s no money coming my way. I might as well give up on it. Who’s motivated to proceed if they don’t believe it even matters in the long run? To make a connection between what you are doing today with your future self, start each day with this question: What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed and can focus better on what’s most important to you.
Hold yourself accountable. Instead of setting yourself up for disappointment, be responsible for your actions and what you choose to do each day to get closer to a goal. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame — it can be days, weeks, or months. The point of having a time frame is that you create a milestone you want to reach, so you know you’re staying on track. For example, I am committed to find a side hustle in the next 30 days that will create an additional source of income to boost my earnings. Or, I am committed to waking up at 6 a.m. for the next two weeks so I have time to finish my most challenging work early in the day when it’s really quiet and I don’t have anything to distract me.
📖✏️ I created a workbook based on these steps called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, tips, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. You can learn more about it here.
That depends on how much you’re engaged in creating a fantasy, versus setting attainable and realistic goals for yourself.
The picture you’re creating seems full of contrasts. On the one side, you’re talking about aspirational thinking and creating a desirable version of yourself. On the other, you’re forecasting bitter and inevitable disappointment.
Why do you think you’ll be disappointed in the end?
There’s a lot to uncover there.
The way I see it, it’s a better use of your time to take a closer look at the goals you set for yourself to better understand where they come from and why they’re important to you. Once you understand the WHY, it’s easier to approach the HOW part of the equation.
So how do you go from aspirational thinking to creating an actionable plan to reach your goals?
Here are a few things to think about.
Identify goals that are specific and realistic. Don’t make your goals vague, far fetched, or unbelievable — because you need to believe the goals you set for yourself if you truly want to turn them into a reality. Non-specific goals can be anything of the following: I want to be a millionaire, I want to be a CEO, I want to be much skinnier than I am now, I want to have my own business and travel the world. Instead, make your goal as specific as possible. For example, if you’re looking for your next job, write down that you want to get a job offer for a [ job title you want] that pays an annual salary of [amount you believe is fair given your skills and experience] so you can develop [current skills and new skills you’re working on].
Ask yourself if these goals are the right fit for you. Quite often when we are busy thinking about goals, we get distracted by things other people tell us or show us. Usually this comes in the shape of an Instagram post showing off a lavish lifestyle or well-intended advice from a parent telling you who they want you to become (a doctor, an engineer, the next in line to run the family business). It’s important to separate a goal that you truly want for yourself from a goal that was set by someone else. Ask yourself, is this someone else’s goal? If it’s mine, how deeply do I care about reaching it?
Consider if the goals fit into the big picture of your life. I believe that the big picture of our life lurks somewhere in our thoughts, even if we don’t think about it or aren’t aware of it all the time. But it’s there. The big picture is the ideal version, the ultimate version, the scenario you dream about. To move it from a dream to a possible scenario, ask: If I am completely honest with myself, where do I want to be 5, 10, even 20 years from now? Who do I want to become — an entrepreneur, scientist, innovator, chef, writer? Get as specific as possible about the kind of lifestyle and career you want.
Make every day count. It’s easy to set ourselves up for disappointment if we want one thing, then do absolutely nothing to make it happen. See? Nothing is happening. The goal is unreachable after all. How disappointing! Who is motivated to proceed if they don’t believe in their goal? To make a connection between what you are doing today with your future self, start each day with this question: What is the ONE THING I am committed to completing today? Asking it forces you to prioritize, helps your brain focus better, and streamlines the work you need to do so you don’t feel overwhelmed and can focus better on what’s most important to you.
Hold yourself accountable. Instead of setting yourself up for disappointment, be responsible for your actions and what you choose to do each day to get closer to a goal. A good way to improve self-responsibility is by building commitments to yourself. How? Define a very specific goal you want to achieve in a certain time frame — it can be days, weeks, or months. The point of having a time frame is that you create a milestone you want to reach, so you know you’re staying on track. For example, I am committed to focusing on my studies in the next 30 days so I can pass my exams with the ultimate goal of graduating college and getting a job. Or, I am committed to working out every morning at 7 a.m. so that I can build up my physical endurance and be prepared for the marathon I signed up for that’s in 6 months.
📖✏️ If you’re finding the whole process of goal-setting a challenge, I created a workbook based on these steps called 5 Ideas for Setting Realistic Goals. It’s a 35-page printable book with step-by-step instructions, tips, templates, and a list of recommended reading materials. You can learn more about it here.
You’re absolutely right — there’s a strong connection between being responsible and self-disciplined.
But most people don’t see it.
Why? Because they’re focused on the concept of self-discipline in a negative way. They see it as a form of self-punishment, as something uncomfortable and a chore they must complete, perhaps because they’re shown on social media it is something they “must” also practice.
But let’s be honest: if you do something just because others say it’s important, it’s not going to stick.
Instead, it’s more beneficial to consider what being self-disciplined will afford you. Being treated as an adult, for one. Being taken seriously. Maybe even admired and followed — because you can lead by example of what a disciplined person does in their day-to-day life.
And, even more important, having the freedom to design the kind of life you want for yourself. Making the most of your day, instead of letting the hours just slip by. Pursuing goals important to you, instead of following other people and imitating what they do. Getting better at skills that will improve the quality of your work, instead of doing things over and over even if they don’t amount up to much. Knowing how to focus and get stuff done sooner, instead of allowing apps on your phone to distract you from your life.
It sounds like an important skill, a habit, even a way of life!
But how do you implement it?
Here are five ways in which you can practice it in your daily life.
👉🏾 Narrow down your focus.
The way you start any day will set the tone to whatever you do, try to do, want to do, and then actually do. You can choose to be reactive, which can mean you wake up, get your phone, start checking emails, read the news on Twitter. If you’d like to create a different beginning to your day, get proactive by training your brain to be focused as soon as you wake up.
How would you do this?
Start your day with this question: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? This technique trains your brain to focus on identifying goals that are important to you and forces you to prioritize the single goal you believe to be the most relevant in this moment. How? Put it in writing. Write it in large letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready for work or school. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action — focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.
👉🏾 Know when to do your “deep work.”
When it comes to work, timing — just like in most other aspects of your life — is everything. Being self-disciplined means you do deep work (concentrating on complex cognitive tasks such as studying, problem-solving, writing) first before you do anything for pleasure. It means you set aside a certain time of day for work, and then leave other times for entertainment and socializing.
How would you do this?
Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing your deep work early. Take full advantage of your circadian rhythm (your body’s biological clock), which is your natural rhythm that “knows” what are the optimal times for you to perform certain tasks. For most people, the early morning hours are optimal for deep work. Specifically, the brain’s peak performance is 2-4 hours after we wake up. So if you wake up at 6, then your peak times are between 8 and 10 a.m. Working early allows your brain to focus fully on the problem at hand, with fewer distractions, and less inputs from your environment.
👉🏾 Postpone what you do for pleasure.
What’s the point of postponing pleasant activities? You’d be surprised how far-reaching this practice can be. In a study performed by Stanford University scientists, results showed that delayed gratification can increase your chance at succeeding in many areas of your life — your education, career, short and long term goals, even your personal life choices. This study is now famous and is called the Marshmallow experiment.
How would you do this?
Start by observing the things you’d like to indulge in whenever the opportunity presents itself — for example, eating a large slice of chocolate cake after dinner. Then, resist the temptation to treat yourself by thinking of one reason why not to indulge: maybe you’re focused on your new fitness goals or developing better eating habits. And follow up — take your attention away from the distractions and focus on your priorities for the day: complete your homework, go outside for a run or brisk walk, listen to a podcast on an interesting topic.
👉🏾 Don’t allow social media to run your life.
Leading a self-disciplined life means you learn how to say no to indulging in pleasant activities, procrastinating on daily priorities, letting distractions take over your day. Distractions are toxic — one minute you’re catching up with a friend on WhatsApp, and next thing you know it’s two hours later and you haven’t started studying for your exam. When you turn off what distracts you, you have a better chance to actually get stuff done.
How would you do this?
Distractions come from different sources, not just your electronic devices. Deal with them one by one. First, set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus on work — try it for a 2-hour period. Next, let people around you (family members, friends, or roommates) know you won’t be available during that time. Check your email and social media apps 2–3 times during the day. To avoid browsing the Internet while working, close all tabs in your browser.
👉🏾 Let self-discipline shape your future.
Like with all other areas in your life, self-discipline is for the most part all about attitude. It’s not about what you “should” do or what feels uncomfortable to do. It’s all about what it can afford you. With daily practice, self-discipline can train your brain to prioritize the things you can control and free up your time to focus on personal goals.
How would you do this?
Instead of focusing only on daily tasks, start thinking about your future and what you want to accomplish in 5, 10, and yes even 20 years. Maybe it feels like you’re sacrificing some things right now (chatting with friends or indulging in a delicious dessert), but think long-term. Write down a list of new habits you’re practicing that can add up to bigger results a year from now. Create time for them in your calendar — even for 30 minutes a day. When you understand the benefits of leading a self-disciplined life, you are more likely to nurture it. It will become a lifestyle that will take you into that future you dream of today.
📖✏️🗓 If you are interested in this topic, I put together an e-book package called My Complete Self-Discipline Kit. It consists of two e-books:
Develop a Self Disciplined Lifestyle Workbook — a workbook with tips, question prompts, a list of recommended reading, and a weekly gratitude journal template
My Self-Discipline Journal — a journal template for each day of the week that includes a situation report, question prompts, daily schedule, and a performance review
I’m excited to announce that My Complete Self-Discipline Kit is now available for download.
This is the first e-book bundle that I have created. It covers one of my favorite topics — self discipline — and includes tips for transforming it into a practical lifestyle you can apply to your everyday life.
The kit includes two e-books:
Develop a Self Disciplined Lifestyle Workbook — a book that consists of five chapters, each one including an explanation of one tip, followed by question prompts, a list of recommended reading, and a weekly gratitude journal template.
My Self-Discipline Journal — a journal template that includes entries for one full week, Monday-Sunday. Each daily entry is spread across three pages and consists of a situation report, question prompts, daily schedule, and a performance review. You’ll also find two types of schedule templates: morning journal templates and Pomodoro sessions templates for short sprints of work based on the Pomodoro method.
I hope you will enjoy using the kit as you focus on your self-development!
You can learn more about downloading the kit here.
A trait — a characteristic that is specific to an individual — is determined by DNA, or genes. For example, we can genetically inherit a specific hair color, eye color, or blood type.
A skill — the ability to do something well or to use knowledge to improve the way we perform an activity — is not determined by DNA. For example, we can learn a language that was not spoken by our ancestors. There’s one element that is required to acquire a skill, however: repetition of an activity over time.
Here’s where your self-discipline can really pay off.
Retired U.S. Navy SEAL who served in the Iraq War (who is now also a triathlete) David Goggins calls self-discipline “the callusing of the mind.” It means building a thick, impenetrable layer that will allow you to do what’s uncomfortable so you can get out of your comfort zone and start shaping your life into something worthwhile.
He points out how beneficial it can be to practice self-discipline, and I agree with that mindset. For me, self-discipline as a skill is not just limited to physical endurance. It is a way of thinking that anyone can practice if they want to. We can decide today that we’ll get better at a skill, whether it’s physical strength training, managing stress better, or improving the way we work. We get to decide that we want to create something that has value, not just for ourselves but also for other people. And the most important thing — we decide that we will take action on it immediately.
So how do you start practicing the skill of self-discipline?
✅ Tip #1. Boost your focus early in the day.
The way you start the day — any day — is going to set the tone to whatever you do, try to do, want to do, and then actually do. You can choose to be reactive, which can mean you wake up, get your phone, and start checking emails, Twitter, or Instagram. You might watch the news and get caught up in world events, none of which you can control. Or, you might answer calls or respond to text messages that your friends start sending you as you’re having breakfast. If you’d like to create a different beginning to your day, get proactive by training your brain to be focused as soon as you wake up.
What’s an easy way to do this?
Start your day with this question: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? This technique trains your brain to focus on identifying goals that are important to you and forces you to prioritize the single goal you believe to be the most relevant in this moment. How do you start? Put it in writing. Write it in large letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you’re brushing your teeth or getting ready for work or school. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action — focus your energy throughout the day to completing your one thing.
✅ Tip #2. Don’t just do work — do deep work.
You can say a lot of things to describe the benefits of leading a self-disciplined life, but being spontaneous in managing your day-to-day activities isn’t one of them. There’s time for spontaneity, and then there’s time to do what you need to do. In other words, timing — just like in most other aspects of your life — is everything. Being self-disciplined means you do deep work (concentrating on complex cognitive tasks such as studying, problem-solving, writing) first before you do anything for pleasure. It means you are aware of which times of day should be devoted to doing it, and which times can be allotted to entertainment and socializing.
What’s an easy way to do this?
Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing your deep work early. This means taking full advantage of your circadian rhythm (your body’s biological clock), which is your natural rhythm that “knows” what are the optimal times for you to perform certain tasks. For most people, the early morning hours are optimal for deep work. Specifically, the brain’s peak performance is 2-4 hours after we wake up. So if you wake up at 6, then your peak times are between 8 and 10 a.m. Working early allows your brain to focus fully on the problem at hand, with fewer distractions, and less inputs from your environment.
✅ Tip #3. Postpone what gives you pleasure.
If doing deep work early helps you focus better and get the biggest responsibilities out of the way, what you’re also doing is postponing things that are more pleasurable. What’s the point of doing something difficult first in order to reward yourself later? You’d be surprised how far-reaching this practice can be. In a study performed by Stanford University scientists, results showed that delayed gratification can increase your chance at succeeding in many areas of your life — your education, career, short and long term goals, even your personal life choices. This study is now famous and is called the Marshmallow Experiment.
What’s an easy way to do this?
Start by observing the things you’d like to indulge in whenever the opportunity presents itself — for example, eating a large slice of chocolate cake or having a second portion of what you already ate for dinner. Then, resist the temptation to immediately choose to treat yourself by thinking of one reason why not to indulge: maybe you’re focused on your new fitness goals or developing better eating habits. And follow up — take your attention away from the distractions and focus on your priorities for the day: complete your homework, go outside for a run or brisk walk, listen to a podcast on an interesting topic, or prepare dinner early so you have time to watch a movie later.
✅ Tip #4. Don’t let social media take over your life.
Leading a self-disciplined life means you learn how to say no to many different things: no to giving in to temptations to indulge in pleasant activities, no to your desire to procrastinate on daily priorities, no to distractions that take over your day. They may seem harmless to begin with, but distractions can easily make you slip from your work. One minute you’re just catching up with a childhood friend on WhatsApp, and the next thing you know it’s two hours later and you haven’t picked up your notes to start prepping for your exam. But when you turn off what distracts you, you have a better chance to actually get stuff done.
What’s an easy way to do this?
Be aware that distractions come from different sources, not just your electronic devices. Your goal is to dial down all types of distractions so they’re not in your way. First, set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus on your work — try it for a 2-hour period. Next, let people around you (family members, friends, or roommates) know you won’t be available during that time. Check your email and social media apps 2–3 times during the day; start around lunchtime and then check later in the afternoon. Avoid browsing the Internet or reading news all day long; close all tabs in your browser so you’re not tempted to do yet another Google search.
✅ Tip #5. Befriend your self-disciplined lifestyle.
Like with all other areas in your life, self-discipline is for the most part all about attitude. What’s your understanding of self-discipline? Does it sound like a practice that is uncomfortable, unusual, harsh or maybe extreme? If it does, it’s time to take a second look because the attitude you have towards self-discipline will either help you or deter you from practicing it in your daily life. For me, it’s never been about what I “should” do or what feels uncomfortable to do. It’s all about what it can afford me. With daily practice, self-discipline trains my brain to prioritize the things I can control, allows me to let go of what I cannot, and frees me up to focus on my personal goals.
What’s an easy way to do this?
Instead of focusing only on daily schedules and tasks, start thinking about your future and what you want to accomplish in 5, 10, and yes even 20 years. Even if practicing self-discipline may feel like you’re sacrificing some things right now (chatting with friends or indulging in a delicious dessert), think about what leading a self-disciplined life will afford you. Write down a list of new habits you’re practicing (or want to start practicing) that can add up to bigger results a year from now. Create time in your calendar to practice them — even a 30-minute session is enough to begin. When you understand the benefits of leading a self-disciplined life, you are more likely to nurture it. It will become a lifestyle that will take you into the future you want for yourself.
✏️📖 Sometimes it’s nice to have a printout of tips so you can reread them and write notes on the margins. That’s why I put these steps in a printable workbook called Develop a Self Disciplined Lifestyle. It includes tips, question prompts, a workbook section, a list of recommended reading, and a weekly gratitude journal template. You can learn more about it here.
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